has been far to long for a real post......
Welp was supposed to have a doctors appointment today for my many ailments...am trying to find a primary care physician since it seems no one really can help me maybe if I get a history at one place that can help... but sometime this morning they called and cancelled on me...which deflated me....even though they had a good reason...this kind of shit always happens to me.......it seems every aspect of my life is like I broke a mirror...so to speak...I wonder why I bother with a lot of things sometimes...its as if I am always fighting....for something......when does the fighting stop and the healing begin???
Plus its starting to interfere with my creativity like right now I am off work early and want nothing more than to go walking around my grungy neighborhood with my camera....but cant for the worry and the pain my hip and back seem to be giving me lately. I mean I listen to myself and hear what I am saying and I ask myself am I some 80 year old...seriously??? I know I def dont want to go to the place I used to be with this whole back thing...a very... how did I put it?? Dark and dreary tired and weary place! Somehow I pulled myself out of before...if I go there again will I be able to pull myself up again????
I have also realized I should blog here from now on and that there are to many people I have to sway my thoughts and feelings around on my facebook.....hmp....dunno how that happened......but I am always the one who says"bee yourself...dont hide what you truly feel....shit like that....but alas...my pastor that saved me is on my facebook....if I perhaps have a wild n wooly evening with someone and want to post about it...well you can see my dilemma...I think I might try and see if my friends wanna start doing there livejournal again...this was the beginning for me....and I only recently realized how much I have been neglecting it and and how must I have stopped being my true self......and yes I do still have a monster crush on claire danes and zooey deshanel...however u spell there names......
I mean this is why I love music, art, poetry, photography, its like little ways to feel better by putting what I feel into that creative side of things...and if I were picasso right now I would definately be in my blue period....
ahhh there ya go my long awaited real entry.....been far to long....hopefully I will start posting here more often....until my next rant....
Plus its starting to interfere with my creativity like right now I am off work early and want nothing more than to go walking around my grungy neighborhood with my camera....but cant for the worry and the pain my hip and back seem to be giving me lately. I mean I listen to myself and hear what I am saying and I ask myself am I some 80 year old...seriously??? I know I def dont want to go to the place I used to be with this whole back thing...a very... how did I put it?? Dark and dreary tired and weary place! Somehow I pulled myself out of before...if I go there again will I be able to pull myself up again????
I have also realized I should blog here from now on and that there are to many people I have to sway my thoughts and feelings around on my facebook.....hmp....dunno how that happened......but I am always the one who says"bee yourself...dont hide what you truly feel....shit like that....but alas...my pastor that saved me is on my facebook....if I perhaps have a wild n wooly evening with someone and want to post about it...well you can see my dilemma...I think I might try and see if my friends wanna start doing there livejournal again...this was the beginning for me....and I only recently realized how much I have been neglecting it and and how must I have stopped being my true self......and yes I do still have a monster crush on claire danes and zooey deshanel...however u spell there names......
I mean this is why I love music, art, poetry, photography, its like little ways to feel better by putting what I feel into that creative side of things...and if I were picasso right now I would definately be in my blue period....
ahhh there ya go my long awaited real entry.....been far to long....hopefully I will start posting here more often....until my next rant....