English
In english right now.. trying to decide what I want to write about. I dont really have any good ideas right now. I wrote a paper this morning on a boy named Alex who was shy and polite humorous and had a love for books. His mom died when he was 7. So books were his escape from reality. It had been 10 years and he was about to graduate highschool. he just wanted his mom there to see him graduate and wondered what she would have thought about the boy he had grown up to be. He only had seven weeks left and did not want to think about the future he just wanted a girl to talk to a new book to read the beach and the summer air and the summer sun softly warming his back.
Seven more weeks.
Seven more weeks is all I have left of highschool. Then I am moving somewhere where I do not know anything or anyone... nights like friday make me really regret this decision. Days where me and katie just drive around like complete idiots and sing silly songs and shake it like a polaroid picture.. and boy do we shake it. It just makes me wonder If I will have anything like that out in Baltimore. If I will make new friends, find a new love, join a new band, host another open mic, record an album... I just dont really know If I am goin to find what I am looking for out there. I dont really even know what I am looking for and I guess thats the scary part. Because Im going across to the otherside of the country to try and find something that I dont even know. I am trying to figure out who I want to be and where I want to be.. this whole being 17 thing and graduating is quite confusing for me. I wish that I could have all the answers I need and long for. Why cant this journey be a little easier. Why cant I know what I want to do in life. I guess because once i figure it out thats all I will be doing. I really want to do something that I will love and not regret taking the path that I will take. I want to travel. I want to know other things than PHOENIX ARIZONA I have lived here since I was 2.. I need something else. I need to live in other places experience new people. go to europe live on my own.. be my own person for once. Its a lot to think about. I just have a lot of growing up and just growing to do and sometimes i wish I could just stop time right now and not have to worry about getting senior pictures goin to prom or graduation! Katie and Montana are getting an apartment together and katie offered me to move in and its just hard leaving all that I have ever known. Why does it have to be soo hard.. I guess because it has to be.. but why it sucks. I just want things to be SOOOO CRAPPY here so it could be soo easy to cut all the ties that I have. Things arent good at home and I have been needing to get out for a long time but its hard to leave all the things that have kept me going for so long. Its going to be hard to watch the ground get smaller and the land look like little patches of a quilt as I take off in that plane to a new future. Wow. I feel really overwhelmed.
Sometimes I look at people like Chelsea Moyes and Robert Fuge and it seems they know what they want they know what is expected of them and they seem like they dont worry about things like this .. I know they do but I wish I could at least look like I have things figured out.. maybe I wouldnt feel so frazzled. Maybe I would feel more put together if people thought things like that.
UUUUGGGH i dont want to go to marriage and family life... its such a crappy class. I dont know....that domestic violence project is really going to be hard for me to present. to much personal experience.. why did I choose that subject. its gonna take a lot of getting past things.... a lot of moving on.
any way I wish I could take away the decision making process in life... make everything go away... make everything good.. without having to actually make that choice... make any choice.
Thats all I have to say right now Ill write more later.
Seven more weeks.
Seven more weeks is all I have left of highschool. Then I am moving somewhere where I do not know anything or anyone... nights like friday make me really regret this decision. Days where me and katie just drive around like complete idiots and sing silly songs and shake it like a polaroid picture.. and boy do we shake it. It just makes me wonder If I will have anything like that out in Baltimore. If I will make new friends, find a new love, join a new band, host another open mic, record an album... I just dont really know If I am goin to find what I am looking for out there. I dont really even know what I am looking for and I guess thats the scary part. Because Im going across to the otherside of the country to try and find something that I dont even know. I am trying to figure out who I want to be and where I want to be.. this whole being 17 thing and graduating is quite confusing for me. I wish that I could have all the answers I need and long for. Why cant this journey be a little easier. Why cant I know what I want to do in life. I guess because once i figure it out thats all I will be doing. I really want to do something that I will love and not regret taking the path that I will take. I want to travel. I want to know other things than PHOENIX ARIZONA I have lived here since I was 2.. I need something else. I need to live in other places experience new people. go to europe live on my own.. be my own person for once. Its a lot to think about. I just have a lot of growing up and just growing to do and sometimes i wish I could just stop time right now and not have to worry about getting senior pictures goin to prom or graduation! Katie and Montana are getting an apartment together and katie offered me to move in and its just hard leaving all that I have ever known. Why does it have to be soo hard.. I guess because it has to be.. but why it sucks. I just want things to be SOOOO CRAPPY here so it could be soo easy to cut all the ties that I have. Things arent good at home and I have been needing to get out for a long time but its hard to leave all the things that have kept me going for so long. Its going to be hard to watch the ground get smaller and the land look like little patches of a quilt as I take off in that plane to a new future. Wow. I feel really overwhelmed.
Sometimes I look at people like Chelsea Moyes and Robert Fuge and it seems they know what they want they know what is expected of them and they seem like they dont worry about things like this .. I know they do but I wish I could at least look like I have things figured out.. maybe I wouldnt feel so frazzled. Maybe I would feel more put together if people thought things like that.
UUUUGGGH i dont want to go to marriage and family life... its such a crappy class. I dont know....that domestic violence project is really going to be hard for me to present. to much personal experience.. why did I choose that subject. its gonna take a lot of getting past things.... a lot of moving on.
any way I wish I could take away the decision making process in life... make everything go away... make everything good.. without having to actually make that choice... make any choice.
Thats all I have to say right now Ill write more later.