(no subject)
Where is my mind? Where is my heart? How have I lost this many friends in this short of a time? How have I lost friends at all? I understand distance (geographically and in character), but this abrubt? What do I do to bother people? Honestly. Because I'm as non-confrontational as it gets. I try to keep people I like around. A lot. I enjoy really anyone's company, especially people I get along with. I just don't understand how three people that were my best friends, within weeks, decided to write me off their metaphorical friends list. What do I do that seems like a threat? Is it that I smoke a cigarette or two on my breaks at work? Is it the fact that I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to talk about it with people I'm relatively close and relaxed with? Does it bother people that I use colorful language to spice up my diatribe? Do people think I'm an alcoholic? Is a bottle of wine every month or two a problem? Am I out of control? Even if all these things are a problem to whoever decides to disown me, it wouldn't bother me as much if I actually knew what the problem was. The fact of the matter is, I don't. People that know me surely must know I'm not the type of person that goes out looking for trouble. I keep to myself save for the times I like to spend quality time with good people. Do I really seem like the type of person who would want to spend my time ruining relationships I hold dear to me? At least someone know. Let's not be vague. Let's not acuse me of something completely out of my behavior. I am a creature of habit. At least let me know what I am doing wrong, because right now I am completely doubting any reason to trust, to love, to indulge, to breath. I don't live for myself anymore. I live for my friends and the wisdom that comes from moments shared with them. If I don't have that, I don't see any purpose to life.