(no subject)
So I'm sitting here in the dark looking at a computer screen feeling so fucking alone. I'm aware of the people I know, the people I can go to, the people who have reached out to me before, but at this point I just don't care.
I don't know where to go, who would want to listen, what I'd say, or what I can do.
All I want is for this fucked up feeling to pass, but I know it will forever be a part of me.
And every time I get like this, and even after the feeling passes, I can't help but be afraid that one day I'm going to jump off the motherfucking roof due to this severe case of the crazies. I KNOW, life's not that bad. I KNOW, things could be worse. I'm aware that taking my life would only make things worse. You think I give a shit about those things when I'm too busy ripping my hair out and crying so hard I can't breathe? When I get that way, the only thought in my head is, "Make it stop."
And I guess that's the simplest way to make it stop to me.
There's more behind this, I know. I'm not depressed on my own. It's not just seasonal affective disorder. It's not just being poor. It's not just living at home. It's not just being away from Jon.
It's fucking everything and more.
Give me pills, give me someone to talk to, give me a fucking roof to jump off. Give me something that will make this end or I'll end it myself.
I don't know where to go, who would want to listen, what I'd say, or what I can do.
All I want is for this fucked up feeling to pass, but I know it will forever be a part of me.
And every time I get like this, and even after the feeling passes, I can't help but be afraid that one day I'm going to jump off the motherfucking roof due to this severe case of the crazies. I KNOW, life's not that bad. I KNOW, things could be worse. I'm aware that taking my life would only make things worse. You think I give a shit about those things when I'm too busy ripping my hair out and crying so hard I can't breathe? When I get that way, the only thought in my head is, "Make it stop."
And I guess that's the simplest way to make it stop to me.
There's more behind this, I know. I'm not depressed on my own. It's not just seasonal affective disorder. It's not just being poor. It's not just living at home. It's not just being away from Jon.
It's fucking everything and more.
Give me pills, give me someone to talk to, give me a fucking roof to jump off. Give me something that will make this end or I'll end it myself.