madness madness madness
At the table I just got yelled at for answering one of my father's retorical already answered question too "arrogantly".
Question: "So why don't they talk to me instead of talk behind my back?" (the soccer team)
(obviously they're above or in some fear of his anger)
I wouldn't associate with it if I could.
Me: "I don't know that's a good question" He didn't like my answer.
then i got called arrogant banned myself from the room and forgot everything he said about the chicken and the food and the expenses and the...it doesn't matter none of it matters.
What I could have said "I don't know they're stupid girls". But that would be a lie. Everyone knows not to argue or confront my dad, for, he is in a denial of his his ego and unwillingness to change or accept...pretty much everything. An ego that shouldn't exist, and a drowning denial like the stupid drunken look on his face most of the time. Self destructive ways like the child-like temper, the stubborn, inconsiderate, hippocritical BULLSHIT that has never changed. I can't wait until I get old enough to learn from it and then repress it all and him for as long as I can.
Me? Well, I try to avoid him as much as possible. Unfortunately this is impossible, obviously avoiding everything he says and does would never work.
Madness I say, madness to live so many lies. Madness to be here, this catastrophic illness I hope not to catch and live much longer.
Other than that It's been a good day. I hate writting about such terrible things, it's my only way out, just to sort it out and figure out whats going on. Keeping level headed isn't so hard this way.
Question: "So why don't they talk to me instead of talk behind my back?" (the soccer team)
(obviously they're above or in some fear of his anger)
I wouldn't associate with it if I could.
Me: "I don't know that's a good question" He didn't like my answer.
then i got called arrogant banned myself from the room and forgot everything he said about the chicken and the food and the expenses and the...it doesn't matter none of it matters.
What I could have said "I don't know they're stupid girls". But that would be a lie. Everyone knows not to argue or confront my dad, for, he is in a denial of his his ego and unwillingness to change or accept...pretty much everything. An ego that shouldn't exist, and a drowning denial like the stupid drunken look on his face most of the time. Self destructive ways like the child-like temper, the stubborn, inconsiderate, hippocritical BULLSHIT that has never changed. I can't wait until I get old enough to learn from it and then repress it all and him for as long as I can.
Me? Well, I try to avoid him as much as possible. Unfortunately this is impossible, obviously avoiding everything he says and does would never work.
Madness I say, madness to live so many lies. Madness to be here, this catastrophic illness I hope not to catch and live much longer.
Other than that It's been a good day. I hate writting about such terrible things, it's my only way out, just to sort it out and figure out whats going on. Keeping level headed isn't so hard this way.