(no subject)

[angielsdaemons]

Do not allow the following note to fall into the wrong hands. Wrong hands are hands which are not right. I am NOT referring to your left hand. The note should not be shown to people of sane mind or the men in white coats, regardless of sanity. Wait... are you sane??

1. Do not introduce self as a roleplaying character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard above note. Perform no 1-4.
7. Note expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies. Kill them all.
13. For legal purposes, be sure to delete above note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and Inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember... umm... umm... damn.
25. Train an army of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word "pianist".
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo, they have feelings... and teeth.
33. Little people are agressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eyes contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Make an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!!"
48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49. That way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a sh*t.
51. You cannot kill the snow.
52. Snow can kill you.
53. Grass can also kill you.
54. The leprechaun on the cereal box says I can't get his lucky charms.
55. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
56. HE is real, no matter what the men in white coats say.
57. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
58. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
59. You are not haxxor 1137 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
60. Pretend to be so around the noobs.
61. Do not go out with voice no.7. He is a soul-sucking demon.
62. Disregard above note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
63. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
64. Remember to kill HIM.
65. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
66. Note reactions, avoid parents.
67. The blood of infants give unholy super powers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
68. Scream. The doctors don't like it. They'll give you a shot of something nice.
69. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people ask embarassing questions.
70. Eat the evidence.
71. But not if it's broken glass.
72. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction of yell "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
73. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
74. Disregard above note.
75. Note reactions.
76. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
77. Stock up on ball point pens.
78. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
79. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
80. Do not stick fingers into blender.
81. Blender... bad... ouch.
82. Blood loss is bad.
83. Find a way to re-attach fingers.
84. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2 a.m..
85. Answer every question with a question.
86. Ask people what gender they are.
87. Note reactions.
88. Refer to people as 'mortal'.
89. The Seagull from Hell is out to get me.
90. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
91. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
92. Frind the creators of pop-up messages.
93. Kill them.
94. Brutally.
95. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
96. Dunk head in boiling water.
97. Disregard last note. Was written by voice no.7.
98. Gullible IS written on the ceiling.
99. Investigate the whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down.

Should the note fall into the wrong hands, burn it. Burn the person who took the note for security purposes. Burning is good. The men in white coats will EAT us if they find this.

For security purposes, I did NOT write the note. They did.