(no subject)
I've written this in my head so many times and mostly it's been "thanks for your time, see you around" but 2+ years is a hell of a long time to dedicate yourself to something. For me, anyway. I've met some amazing people on this site, and especially within this game that wouldn't have crossed my path otherwise. Not in a million years and I'm so grateful. It's literally changed my life but I'll get to that later.
In theory it's so dumb, faking the life of a real person online. Let's just say it's not something I would rush to admit to anyone. But then once you're in, it's an amazing community and a lot of people have managed to create personalities that feel real. You find people to admire, to joke around with and feel intimidated by, for various reason. I don't think it's really possible to explain it to someone who hasn't given it a try. I just know that after a while you don't feel like such a loser :-[ There are some really incredible writers here, in the end that's what makes it worth sticking around. I could start naming but then I'd forget someone and feel bad. As for me, I've definitely grown as a writer because of this. I can't prove it or anything because I went back and locked all those horrible entries in pure shame. Oh. My. God. Let's pretend I didn't enjoy quoting Tori Amos that much. I don't feel finished with this at all. I still enjoy it so much, the little time I spend here, and I love some of the characters here like they were my friends. I've been slacking the past six months but it was just a big comfort knowing this character was mine as long as I wanted to keep her.
The reason for this entry then? Finished or not, I'm closing a lot of chapters in my life right now. I guess the game is one of the few things you can bring with you when you're moving half across the world but to tell you the truth, I don't want to. I don't know how many here who are actively pursuing a career as some kind of writer but, hi, consider me one of the pretentious few. Although actively is a bit of an overstatement at this point. Hungry, not starving, homeless, traveling artist is more like it and I really wouldn't be anyone else right now. Live the cliche first, if you're going to write about it. Or something. But nonetheless, I couldn't have done it without some of you and you know who you are ;)
Angelina Jolie. My god, I admire this woman. Thank you for accepting me as her even if I couldn't do her justice because who can. So unbelievably beautiful, so annoyingly perfect, so true to herself and so free, even if she doesn't feel that way. She's come a long way from being the poster child for teenage depression, to this confident, independent and inspiring woman. Do yourself a favor and read her book. It's straightforward, honest and heartbreaking. She says she isn't a writer but that book is proof you don't have to be as long as you don't lie to yourself and just write down what you see. I've been discussing how unfair it is that famous people can just waltz in and get a position within the UN like that because for us "ordinary people" it's i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e even with a medical education because they don't need people, they need money. But on the other side she has open the eyes of so many, myself included, and taught me how lucky I am to have the options that I do and that is priceless.
Alright, alright, enough propaganda. You should know me well enough by now that I would never pass on an opportunity to do that. I'm not really sure what's to become of this journal. I had this fantasy that someday all of this would end and everyone would reveal who they were and we would start over again, or not start, I'm not sure. But I'm slowly realizing it's never going to end, at least not until livejournal does. Because even if all the original people left, more people would come and they again would become as hooked as we are. Maybe someone else will take over this journal, at least for a while. Maybe it will go to six weeks and someone new will come along. As long as that doesn't happen, I still claim the right to pick the next one because I know someone who is interested. And stuff.
As hard as it is to leave, I feel this isn't me anymore. So if I don't come back, I'd like to say thanks for everything. Even if we've only said two words to each other. And to those who are in it just to make other people feel bad, I hope you'll continue to have a sad and miserable life :-D
Oh yeah, and if you'd like to keep in touch away from here, just say the word cause chances are I kinda dig you.