(no subject)
I won't be able to go to Athens because the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith isn't exactly going as scheduled, on the predicted final day we were about halfway. Brad Pitt is extremely annoyed by this, I guess it interferes with his baby making or something. Me, I'm kind of pleased. I'm so incredibly drained, from filming, meetings, traveling and posing with the Olympic torch in front of hundred of millions of people doesn't sound all that inviting right now. Everyone is throwing opportunities at me left and right which are really difficult to turn down but I went into this thinking it's not worth it unless you enjoy it and lately even acting has become such a chore. I hate myself sitting in makeup, I hate myself for having a private chef who FOLLOWS ME AROUND and at the same time it's easy to go I deserve this, I've worked for this, I deserve having a body I'm comfortable in. My involvement with the UNHCR is getting stronger, I feel they have a little more faith in me. I know I started out as their little figurehead, spokesperson who really had no idea what she was saying but what started as a side-project I now consider my full-time occupation, and acting just brings the money in. Or maybe I'm only uninspired. Hitchcock remake, you guys. This is where I say it's original and clever and we brought the best from it and made it ours. I don't know. I'm getting a ridiculous amount of money to play a not very complicated nor interesting women in front of a camera for five months and because of that the endangered wildlife in Cambodia is safe for another five years. I hate sounding ungrateful and I hate this paragraph. In short: I wish I could take better advantage of the opportunities given to me but I don't know how.
I think I've been really isolated for a while. I miss having fun, I miss people. I've been so set on being serious and adult and somebody's little girl. Sick of fighting for relationships to work, sick of trying to be perfect so maybe you'll like me a little better. Michelle and Sanoe have always been really nice to me and I was pretty much a snob, as usual. Because there are people you are friendly with and there are friends and for me that line is hard to cross. As if there has to be some kind of ritual or something. Wow, this is getting complicated and I really want this post over with. Michelle asked me to move back to LA and I got excited about the idea so then I'm going to do it. That's my new philosophy. Old, actually but I forgot about it. London is beautiful but I can't stand it right now. It feels grey, and if you feel in colors like me, you know that's not a good color. And when Los Angeles feels sunny and bright, you know there is something wrong with your head.
I think I've been really isolated for a while. I miss having fun, I miss people. I've been so set on being serious and adult and somebody's little girl. Sick of fighting for relationships to work, sick of trying to be perfect so maybe you'll like me a little better. Michelle and Sanoe have always been really nice to me and I was pretty much a snob, as usual. Because there are people you are friendly with and there are friends and for me that line is hard to cross. As if there has to be some kind of ritual or something. Wow, this is getting complicated and I really want this post over with. Michelle asked me to move back to LA and I got excited about the idea so then I'm going to do it. That's my new philosophy. Old, actually but I forgot about it. London is beautiful but I can't stand it right now. It feels grey, and if you feel in colors like me, you know that's not a good color. And when Los Angeles feels sunny and bright, you know there is something wrong with your head.