I'm not sure who's fooling who here as I'm watching your decay
Crack of dawn, with a baby on one arm and, um, nothing in the other. Mad and I were hanging out, questioning the attractiveness of Heathrow's arrival hall. Twenty minutes delay. Airports aren't so bad really, as long as I'm not getting on a plane, but I could think of better places to spend the morning. Maddox is less tired and seemingly more excited than me and makes funny faces when I try to kiss him or calm his hair which is everywhere, pretty much all the time. We laugh a lot, my baby and I. I can't even remember what life was like before him. A woman announces the flight from New York has landed and I'm in the middle of explaining Maddox that it's going to take at least fifteen minutes to get through security and collect the luggage but he runs away from me instead. Sighing. Turning. Just in time to see a very tired boy lifting up a very excited smaller boy and suddenly the entire morning is worth it. His hair is a mess, they match in that aspect, and his eyelids are heavy but he's smiling. Maddox is already telling him about his new bike and I briefly think if he doesn't take a breath soon he's going to pass out from sheer excitement. His eyes remain locked with mine and his free hand is reached out towards me, an unnecessary invitation of sorts. I hardly have time to close my eyes before his lips are on mine and I vaguely register that the child has stopped talking. Seconds later we're all looking at each other, grinning, like we share some big secret. "Mommy, he didn't bring a suitcase." I know, baby.
We have breakfast in my apartment because Julian hasn't seen it before. Maddox is doing most of the talking and I have to remind him to take a bite every now and then and he barely has time to swallow. It's so obvious that he has missed him. I think it's because Julian has never treated him like a small child. They're buddies. Mad tells him about the pirates we saw on Halloween and Jules tell him what it's like to tour America and no story is less interesting than the other. After breakfast he's sleepy again and agrees to take a nap if Julian will tuck him in. Of course Julian looks about ready to tuck himself in but they walk down the hall hand in hand. "Hey beautiful," his lips are pressed against the side of my neck and I ask how the show went so he mumbles ok. Then something about great place but where's your bed which would sound like a really bad line if I wasn't thinking the same.
He's covering my face in big, sloppy kisses so it's hard to do anything else. I'm laughing so at one point he plants a kiss on my teeth which just makes me laugh more. This isn't a battle, this isn't seduction. Today we don't need any of that. Just being together is more than enough. Soon I learn that he hasn't forgot how to read me. He knows when to slow down or go faster depending on where my hands are. I trace his spine and play with the back of his neck for a moment. Memorizing his features with my fingertips and when I reach his lips he kiss my palm almost as in a quiet thank you. At this point the entire world is this bed. Nothing else exists and if it did, it wouldn't be important. My breathing grows more rapid, my legs hold him tighter but with one final kiss he pulls back. I sigh in frustration and shift a little under him. "Don't wrinkle your pretty forehead. I'll get you there," he promises. And he doesn't lie. After one more stop, he lets me slip into oblivion and ecstasy then follows closely after. I stay with him until he falls asleep, which isn't long considering, and fight the urge to do exactly the same. He is so beautiful. His eyelashes are so soft. I sit in bed and watch Breakfast at Tiffany's on a muted TV until I hear Maddox in the next room, talking to his teddy bears. Then I go in and play with him.
I'm not a writer so I don't know how to pass on a feeling with only pen and paper and as much as I'm sorry for any confusion I may have caused, this is where my heart is right now. I don't have any reasons beside these. So you can stop talking to me or call me names, if it makes you happy. I don't think it will sound too cold if I say it probably won't bother me that much.
We have breakfast in my apartment because Julian hasn't seen it before. Maddox is doing most of the talking and I have to remind him to take a bite every now and then and he barely has time to swallow. It's so obvious that he has missed him. I think it's because Julian has never treated him like a small child. They're buddies. Mad tells him about the pirates we saw on Halloween and Jules tell him what it's like to tour America and no story is less interesting than the other. After breakfast he's sleepy again and agrees to take a nap if Julian will tuck him in. Of course Julian looks about ready to tuck himself in but they walk down the hall hand in hand. "Hey beautiful," his lips are pressed against the side of my neck and I ask how the show went so he mumbles ok. Then something about great place but where's your bed which would sound like a really bad line if I wasn't thinking the same.
He's covering my face in big, sloppy kisses so it's hard to do anything else. I'm laughing so at one point he plants a kiss on my teeth which just makes me laugh more. This isn't a battle, this isn't seduction. Today we don't need any of that. Just being together is more than enough. Soon I learn that he hasn't forgot how to read me. He knows when to slow down or go faster depending on where my hands are. I trace his spine and play with the back of his neck for a moment. Memorizing his features with my fingertips and when I reach his lips he kiss my palm almost as in a quiet thank you. At this point the entire world is this bed. Nothing else exists and if it did, it wouldn't be important. My breathing grows more rapid, my legs hold him tighter but with one final kiss he pulls back. I sigh in frustration and shift a little under him. "Don't wrinkle your pretty forehead. I'll get you there," he promises. And he doesn't lie. After one more stop, he lets me slip into oblivion and ecstasy then follows closely after. I stay with him until he falls asleep, which isn't long considering, and fight the urge to do exactly the same. He is so beautiful. His eyelashes are so soft. I sit in bed and watch Breakfast at Tiffany's on a muted TV until I hear Maddox in the next room, talking to his teddy bears. Then I go in and play with him.
I'm not a writer so I don't know how to pass on a feeling with only pen and paper and as much as I'm sorry for any confusion I may have caused, this is where my heart is right now. I don't have any reasons beside these. So you can stop talking to me or call me names, if it makes you happy. I don't think it will sound too cold if I say it probably won't bother me that much.