If no one saw this on my myspace...
Ambiguous Government Warnings!!!
The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt
at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after
WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could
mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.
If
you have set yourself on fire, do not run
If you
spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell
really loud.
If
you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
If
you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of
seeing a doctor.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of
you!
The
proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least
one(1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth
criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a
lot in common. Think about it.
Be
on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub
their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while
waiting to be rescued.
Try to
absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5
minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that
you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni
on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If your
lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they
stop.
If you
are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
farting.
If
you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for
it.
Do not
drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the
hood.
A
one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against
radiation.
Always remember
to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to
enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt
at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after
WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could
mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.
If
you have set yourself on fire, do not run
If you
spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell
really loud.
If
you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
If
you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of
seeing a doctor.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of
you!
The
proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least
one(1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth
criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a
lot in common. Think about it.
Be
on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub
their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while
waiting to be rescued.
Try to
absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5
minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that
you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni
on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If your
lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they
stop.
If you
are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
farting.
If
you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for
it.
Do not
drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the
hood.
A
one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against
radiation.
Always remember
to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to
enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.