FIC: Guard Duty, Chapter 3
Title: Gurad Duty
Chapter: 3 of 3
Genre: Comedy, yaoi
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: KakaIru
Summary: Guarding the gates of Konoha is a boring job, unless you know how to entertain yourself, and Izumo and Kotetsu are experts at entertaining themselves at the cost of others...
Disclaimer: Characters property of Masashi Kishimoto
Konoha was asleep. Or, at least, as asleep as a village can be when half of its inhabitants take the expression ‘to sleep with one eye open’ literally and the other half doesn’t rest at all. Because even at night time, or maybe especially at night time, the village, and the gates, need to be guarded.
This night, however, one might have reasons to doubt the level of devotion the Konoha ninja showed their job. The two gate guards were hiding in a tree, observing the guard booth rather than the gates.
There was a movement on the ground somewhere to their left and the figure of a tall man released itself from the shadows.
“Half an hour late, as we thought”, Izumo whispered, looking at his watch. “Then Iruka should be here any minute now.”
The man stepped up to the booth and stopped, looking around as if waiting for someone. Some minutes later another man came walking down the street, coming to a surprised halt as he noticed he was not alone.
“Kakashi-sensei? Er… good evening.”
“Good evening to you too, Iruka-sensei. Or perhaps I should say good night. What brings you here at this hour?”
“Somehow Izumo and Kotetsu talked me into taking their guard shift tonight.” Iruka sighed and looked at the empty booth. “Seems like they’ve already left, though. What about you?”
“I was supposed to meet Gai here, for a challenge. But I’m a bit late, so he should already be here.” Kakashi looked around him suspiciously.
“Now, before he discovers it!” Kotetsu whispered, nudging Izumo in the ribs and almost knocking him off his branch.
There was a sudden rush of wind and the air around Kakashi and Iruka became dark and moist. Then there was a loud bang as from a door slamming shut. Izumo and Kotetsu listened carefully in the silence that followed, climbing further out on their branches so as not to miss anything. Eventually Iruka said:
“Er… where are we?”
“In the storeroom/temporary prison cell in the back of the guard booth”, Kakashi answered casually. “Izumo and Kotetsu had put a genjutsu on it to make us think we were standing in front of the booth when we were actually entering it. They’re hiding in a tree outside.”
“He knew?!” Kotetsu hissed. Izumo made a hushing noise.
Inside the storeroom, Iruka swore loudly.
“I’ll kill them when I get out of here.”
“That’s probably going to take a while. This place is made to hold suspected infiltrators captor until they can be moved to the prison or set free. It’s impossible to break out. Unless your little friends decide to unlock the door, we’re stuck here.”
Iruka swore again.
“Is that really a proper word for a school teacher to use?” asked Kakashi in an amused voice.
“It is when it’s justified.”
Silence fell once more, stretching longer this time, making Izumo and Kotetsu stir nervously in their uncomfortable positions in the tree. At last, Kakashi spoke.
“So, should we do something to pass time while we’re waiting?”
“Like what?”
“Like… have sex, perhaps?”
There was the sound of several twigs snapping and the loud thud of something heavy hitting the ground.
“Sounds like a good idea.”
Outside the booth, Izumo crawled into a sitting position under the tree he’d just fallen from.
“They must be putting us on,” he whined as his partner in crime gracefully jumped down beside him. “They can’t actually be doing it.”
“It sounds authentic,” said Kotetsu, turning his head so as to better hear the muffled moans and yelps now issuing from the storeroom. “Yep, sounds like they’re having a real good time. I wonder who’s on top?”
“Will you stop being so fascinated!?” Izumo hissed, hiding his head in his hands. Then he sighed exasperatedly, adding in a mutter: “Kakashi’s on top of course.”
Kotetsu grinned.
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh, come on! Iruka is like the ultimate uke.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” said Kotetsu thoughtfully. “He can be stubborn as hell when he wants to, I think it’d be quite the job for Kakashi to tame him.”
“But Kakashi’s hardly the kind of person who’d-Why are we having this discussion anyway? What’s going on? Are they really fucking in there?”
“Well, as I se it the options are; 1) they knew what we were up to and simply decided to turn the joke on us, 2) our work has already paid of and they’re together and we’ve somehow missed that piece of information, in which case they probably are fucking in there, or-”
“Good boy, Kotetsu-kun.”
The voice behind them made the two Chuunin start and look around quickly. There, leaning nonchalantly against a tree, was a smiling Kakashi and next to him a both triumphant and somewhat embarrassed-looking Iruka.
“Only, it’s our clones ‘fucking in there’ and not us. Unfortunately.”
Izumo and Kotetsu gaped.
“Anyway,” Kakashi continued pleasantly, “you guys are a bit behind your time aren’t you? Iruka and I have been together for three months.”
“What?” Izumo burst out, finally regaining his ability to speak. “Seriously?” He looked at Iruka, who nodded in confirmation. “Why didn’t we know?”
Kakashi shrugged.
“You’re spending far too much time at that gate.”
*
“When is he going to stop being so smug?” Izumo nodded irritably at Kakashi, who passed the guard booth, waving cheerfully.
“Probably never.”
“I still can’t believe it. How could we not have heard something like that?”
“Our honour is stained forever,” said Kotetsu solemnly.
Izumo glanced at him.
“Why do I get the impression that you’re not properly upset over this?”
Kotetsu shrugged.
“Our goal was to find out if they’re gay, which we did, and, if so was the case, get them together, which they are...”
“But not thanks to us.”
“True.”
“You know what this means, don’t you?” Izumo turned to his friend, eyes shining with determination. “From now on, we’ll have to work harder than ever. There’ll be no resting from the information gathering. We have to know everything that’s going on in this village, from the names of all the first years in the Academy to the colour of the Hokage’s underwear. No detail is too petty!”
“Let’s toast to that!” said Kotetsu, raising the bottle of Mizu no Kuni’s Finest Mineral Water. “We’ll be the best Meddling Nins Konoha has ever seen.”