Living on my own.

Feb 12, 2006 14:27

So I've been out on my own for almost a month now.
My grandfather has been dead for two months exactly today.

Things are so hard. I mean. Living here is weird. Its not home yet.
Theres no reminence of grandpa and I thought thats what I wanted. Maybe Im just not used to it yet.

I can't get over it. Sometimes I just break down and lose it. I miss him so much. Grandpa was such a crutch to me. Now I keep falling down and I can't hardly seem to get back up.
Theres such a huge whole in my heart now. I don't feel like I've lost just one person. He was so much to me.
Theres never going to be another and there could never be a replacement.

I'm not doing well, but Im living.

No one lives forever but fuck I feel so cheated. If you ever knew my grandfather like I did you'd feel cheated too.

I dont think I'll ever really be able to watch someone play Halo again, or watch the Goonies. I was in Target the other day and saw a Dr. Suess book and lost it.

Truth be told. I didn't deserve him as my grandfather. He was far better to me than my worthless ass ever deserved.

To all of my friends who've been so supportive I really do appriciate everything you've done for me.
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