symbols and epiphanies
today i can see my life in every ordinary situation. there is extra meaning in everyday occurrences. i moved all the furniture in my room around and i was trying to fit my desk in my closet and then i got stuck. the desk was blocking any way out for me. so i just stood there in my tiny little space and laughed thinking about how i got myself in this mess just because i was so sure i could do it myself, never asking for help. so i wiggled it and maneuvered the desk trying to get out but just getting it more wedged in so i couldn't get out. so i called to my friend/boss dawn who was downstairs to help me. i didn't say what with but she knew i was moving my furniture around. she said she'd be up in a minute to help. i could hear her talking on the phone and watching tv and talking to her daughter destiny, and five minutes passed, then ten, fifteen, twenty minutes passed and it was obvious that she'd either forgotten or just didn't think that it was important, that i was important. so i just stood there and thought about my life, everything taking on a double meaning. i was still me, but the desk became more and the closet was what my life is. i am stuck. the desk is blocking me in because i couldn't ask for help, my life was going no where and even if i do ask for help i still don't get help because i am the only one who is going to get myself out of my situation. so i finally managed to maneuver myself out of the closet and finish cleaning my room and making my bed and i sat down and relaxed, feeling a little upset with dawn not coming to help me i just sat upstairs by myself thinking. and yet another epiphany came to me, i was thinking about how i cleaned my room and went through my clothes and threw some away how i just had to get rid of somethings, and carrie underwoods song "starts with goodbye" was stuck in my head. just that part where she sings "i guess its gonna have to hurt, i guess i'm gonna have to cry" and its just going to break my heart completely, but i have to do it. and it sucks and i guess i'm just going to have to be alone. i have to do it myself. and you can't trust anybody to help you, even when you're stuck in a closet. i'm on my own. so to speak.