finally over with
Click to viewi dont know why i tried so hard. try to love a person who just constantly put up walls to you.
im beginning to think all of it was a lie.
i feel hurt, sad, anger, regret.
one moment i just want to cry and go back. next moment i just want to scream and hit something.
ive never been hurt so much by one person.
my friends have told me for too long that i need to get out of it.
but i loved her... love her.. loved?
i dont know.
sometimes i want desperately to just be next to her.
sometimes i wish i never met her.
but its done.
after dedicating yourself to one person for like 3 years it weird to realize things u havent done yet.
i went on my first "date" and everyone was so surprised that i was so nervous becuz ive never really been on one. but i must not of fucked up too much cuz were going on a second =)
its an odd feeling. i forgot what it was like to be so nervous by a girl. to have butterflys in your stomach and feel flushed.
its fun.
sometimes i feel kinda bad cuz i still love her. but i think that will last a long time. and i know its over so i just need it to wear off.
it gets real hard though. i often wake in the middle of the nite and think about her. sometimes i get the urge to call her.
but i know i cant.
there are several more things i could elaborate on about this situation but i think i need to just let it all go.
i think im kinda done with lj. this will probably be my last entry.
party at my place new years eve.