Journal Entries by Pepa and Silvia: Part 7
So this entry will have some changes to it. Yes, it still will be in diary entry form but the entries for the Communion will be like you can hear Pepa and Silvia’s thoughts while they are at the Communion. It was much easier for me to write the Communion this way and I can get into details of what happen. =)
Hopefully this will not be confusing for anything.
Enjoy!!! Thank you in advance for reading!! Besos!!!
Disclaimer : I do not own these characters or have any affiliation. They are the property of Los Hombres de Paco, Antena3 and Globomedia.
Journal Entries by Pepa and Silvia: Part 7
* Entries may not be day to day but are in chronological order. Ages were invented by the Writer and may not or will not reflect the actual dateline of the TV Series: Los Hombres de Paco.
Still (lol) 18 Years Old
Silvia
Little Sara’s Communion is in 2 weeks. I vaguely remember mine except for when Papa made me give up eating food the day before. He said I had to Lent and I would understand why it was important after I have experienced it.
Well, I do remember starving the morning of my Communion and my stomach grumbling during the ceremony. At the time I didn’t understand why I couldn’t eat until the party but when I could, I gorged myself until I was sick.
But now I finally realized why it was important to Lent.
Food is an essential to human living. We need it to keep functioning but we also take it for granted. With fasting, we come to appreciate what we have.
Maybe that is what is happening with my feelings towards Pepa. I’m taking our friendship for granted and confusing it with love.
What I need to do is Lent Pepa!! I have to give her up until the next time I’m forced to see Pepa - Sara’s Communion!!
Vale!! No talking to Pepa, seeing her or even thinking about her!!!!
Then when it comes to the Communion, I should have a clear mind and see my feelings for Pepa is pure friendship!!
I should phone Pepa to see what she is wearing to the Communion!
I should ask Lola what she is wearing to her daughter's communion!
Pepa
Did I do something wrong?
It’s been over a week and Silvia hasn’t returned any of my phones calls. In fact... I haven’t seen her even longer.
The last time I saw her I accidentally dropped her car keys in the street gutter. oh no! Is she still mad at me because of that? It was an accident! It truly was!
Wait... was I suppose to meet her somewhere the day I decided to watch the Real Madrid futbol finals? Uh-oh. I don’t remember!!
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Silvia
I’m dying!! The last few days I have been developing some sort of sickness!!
I get agitated easily, I can’t sleep at night and sometimes during the day I start to shake or tremble like I have a withdrawal. I don’t understand, it’s not like I’m addicted to anything!
I went to see my family doctor but he said I was healthier than any patient he has ever seen.
Then why does it feel like a part of me is missing?
Pepa
hmm... you know what, little journal? Maybe this separation from Pelirroja is a great thing!!
I’ve been living as a dreamer for 3 years. It’s clear that I’m never going to have Silvia. She’s been occupying her time with Javier. Where else would she be? But she deserves to be happy with someone she wants to be.
I can’t just keep living this dream - hoping.
So really, this is helping me.
Helping me get over my affections for Silvia.
Forget the way she smells. Her smiles. Eyes. Voice.
Help me move on.
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Communion Day!!!
Pepa
This is going better than I thought! I thought I was going to pool into a puddle of mush the next time I saw Silvia but when I saw her this morning, I felt great.
Oh, she looked good in her yellow sundress. AND Javier wasn’t there so that was even better news.
This separation worked. I’m seeing her as my friend. Just my friend. Just my friend.
Silvia
Oh god. The separation did not work!!
I second I saw Pepa in the crowd of family members at the church my knees gave out on me. I had to grab a hold on to Lola to steady my feet and she had the nerve to ask if I already dipped into the wine!
Pepa look more amazing than I remember. She was never the one to wear a dress but the white blouse and black pants curved her body to make me pant. She usually wore her hair in a ponytail but she left it down today.
I’m more in love with her than I ever was.
As Pepa would say: Fuck, I’m screwed.
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Pepa
Fuck, I’m screwed!
I dreamt that I kissed Pelirroja.
It started that the communion ceremony was finished and everyone was gathering outside the church. When I got outside, I immediately went behind the church to be alone.
But Pelirroja suddenly appeared beside me. She didn’t say a word to me, she didn’t have to.
I let her wrap her hand on the back of my neck. I didn’t resist when she pulled me down to her face. When my lips touched hers, I saw my heaven. I saw myself with Silvia. We were walking hand and hand in the park. We were cuddling on the couch watching a late night movie. I saw her caressing my face just before we fall asleep in our bed.
It was clear that Silvia was more than just a friend.
I waited for myself to wake up from this amazing dream. But Silvia was still there, in front of me. Kissing me back.
When our kiss broke, my mind went blank. I tried to form words but I was speechless looking at Pelirroja. My Silvia.
Silvia
I saw Pepa disappeared behind the church after the ceremony was finished. I quickly excused myself from some relatives I was standing with and followed Pepa.
Why? I ask myself the same question.
I only wanted to talk to her. I had to tell her what I was feeling.
But when I got there and she faced me... my intent vanished. There was that familiar ache in my chest, as if Pepa was stroking my heart with her fingers. They belong there.
This was the moment.
When I reached for her, she didn’t flinch. When I lead her towards me, she didn’t resist. When our lips met, it was everything I imagined it would had been with Pepa. Soft, tendering, moving.
I felt Pepa’s arm envelope me and I unknowingly responded by sinking deeper into her warmth. Her lips continued to move against mine with such ease as if it was meant to be Pepa and me.
I welcome the hum of pleasure flowing through my blood.
This was more than a first kiss.
It was so much more.
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Silvia
I didn’t mean to leave Pepa after our... kiss. I just couldn’t believe that I did IT but I heard Papa calling my name and my brain was going a mile a minute that the only thing I could do was take off.
Pepa must think I’m a dim-wit! She probably didn’t know what to do and just kissed me back out of pity.
ARG! I’m such a fool! Why do I do such silly things? It’s not like me!
Pepa
What just happened?
Silvia and I just kissed and she wasn’t asleep this time.
But now she’s gone? When?
All I know is I want to kiss her again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Silvia
I’ve been trying to find time to get Pepa alone but Lola has me helping her running around this party making sure everything is set up and all the food is ready.
Just when I thought everything was okay I went to search for Pepa. And I found her! Across the dance hall, with Papa and Uncle Miranda.
Oh, Papa was not happy. I could see him pointing at Pepa and flipping his hands around and angrily talking to Uncle Miranda. Pepa didn’t look happy either. Her arms were crossed her chest and her eyes were shooting daggers at Papa. Uncle Miranda was trying to calm Papa down and then he started on Pepa.
I tried to work my way through the crowd to see what the fuss was about but as I was halfway there, Uncle Miranda had taken Pepa’s arm and led her out the door! He immediately came back inside but without her.
I took off running out the door but as I got out to the parking lot, Pepa was no where in site.
What? Why would they kick her out of Sara’s Communion?
Pepa
What I am wearing is unsuitable? What the fuck is wrong with my dress shirt and pants?
Fuck you Don Lorenzo!
Just because I’m not wearing a dress doesn’t give you the right to tell me to go home and change. You’re not my fucking father!
But my fucking father had to agree with him! I couldn’t believe he scowled at me in front of him. Saying that I was raised better than this and I should act like a female.
Yeah, Papa, thanks for sticking up for me. I fucking love you too.
So what would I consider suitable for a party? Let’s see... I just brought this new tank top I’ve been dying to wear. Those would go nicely with my favorite knee-ripped jeans.
I can’t believe Don Lo is making me change.
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Pepa
I know Pelirroja is dying to ask me why I changed. Ever since I got back to the party she hasn’t stopped looking at my clothes. Well, neither can Don Lo but who gives a fuck about him right now.
Pelirroja and I were lingering around the drink table when she caught me off guard by asking me to tell one think she liked about her.
Only one, rojo? Oh, if I could write an encyclopedia on what I love about Silvia, I would do it.
She kept pestering me about but I still wouldn’t do it. Finally to just shut her up I told her I liked her geek knowledge. Yes, that’s exactly how I said it.
I should have chosen my words carefully. I could have said her intelligence. Or her smarts, but I said geek, followed by knowledge. Geesh, I knew I was born an idiot! Because she her smile disappeared and she got all quiet.
I tried to cover up by saying I like her hair color. But she mumbled something that her hair just reminded me of the lit end of a joint and was probably wanting one now.
Well seeing how we stood there in silence after that, I could had used a joint!
Thank god Lucas came over to and asked if we wanted one!
Before I could accept, Pelirroja beat me to it and dragged Lucas and I outside.
Silvia
My ‘geek knowledge’ and rojo hair? Pepa and I have known each other since my 8th birthday and that’s all she likes about me? That I’m a Pelirroja Brainiac?
Why did I even think for a second that there could have been something more?
.... I would have told Pepa that I like how she acts hot-tempered but is really sweet and caring inside. I love her brown eyes, her larger than life smiles. I love the way her hand fits in mind and the way I felt when I kissed her.
I love the life we have together and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But a Pelirroja Brainiac??!!
I needed a high! Thank god Lucas interrupted us and offered us a joint!
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Pepa
Holy crap!! Princesa is sucking that joint dry!
Is she upset because of what I said earlier?
What is going on? Am I missing something?
It feels like Silvia expected me to say more, like I love her. Could she possibly be feeling the same way as I am? The kiss earlier at the church was so unexpected that I haven’t gotten it out of my mind.
What if Silvia is trying to tell me something. Is this my chance?
What could I lose?
Silvia
I can’t even look at Pepa right now so I’m focusing all my energy on my joint.
Stupid Lucas! He’s too oblivious to noticed what is going around him but you can always count on him for marijuana.
I don’t know why I’m so upset. It’s not like I expect Pepa to say she loves me!
Why am I wishfully thinking all of the sudden? It’s not like I’m going to tell her I love her.
I would have everything to lose.
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Pepa
So Lucas disappeared back inside, leaving me to stare at Silvia like a retard. More like not think about our fabulous kiss we shared earlier. Oh dios, to have a taste so her again! But refrain! REFRAIN!
We must had been just standing there for at least an hour! Not saying a word. I would smile at her, she would smile back. Is that all we are going to do for the rest of the night?
But Silvia heard the band play a song she liked. She got all excited and pulled me inside to the dance floor.
She started singing along to the lyrics and jumping to the music that it render me motionless. How could I not watch her? She look so utterly beautiful. No, perfect.
She saw that I wasn’t dancing and starting moving me around to dance with her. She would spin me around and have me mimic her sways.
It had to be the high as my mind became fuzzy. My heart was racing to rip out of my chest to show Silvia what I was feeling.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to know what I really liked about her. She stopped her dancing to look at me. She said yes and she smiled. But this was a different smile. Like she was expecting to hear the right words - hoping.
Everything just disappeared around us. All I saw was the redhead in front of me. I lean to her ear, a whisper away, and said, "I like the feeling of falling in love with you."
I pulled back a fraction to see her face. Her eyes were closed but a lingering smile held. But the moment she opened her eyes and looked at me, I knew she felt the same. She didn't have to say it.
I watched her fingers rise and touch my cheek. She trailed them lightly and rested them on my bottom lip. I placed a gentle kiss on her fingertips.
We kissed for the second time that day. On the dance floor. Only this kiss had a sense of urgency to it; as if we both had been waiting for it, wanting it again. I could feel the intensity as our souls connected.
For the first time in my life, this felt right. Silvia and I felt right.
I felt Silvia smile against my lips and I knew I wanted to be with her forever.
I expected Don Lo to blow his top so it wasn't surprising when he pulled us apart. He shield Silvia behind him and was screaming that I attack his daughter. But I didn't care what he was saying, my attention was on Silvia. The look she was giving, reassured me that she felt exactly what I felt; she was falling in love with me too.
I couldn't care less about Don Lorenzo, in fact no one else seemed to react the same as him. Lucas and Sara were giggling a few feet away, Lola looked slightly shocked but accepting and Paco was just Paco.
I watched as Silvia told her Papa it wasn't a big deal to fuss over. But he started sniffing our clothes and screamed cannabis! He called my Papa over and they began arguing amongst themselves. Everything was mine fault, my clothes, the marijuana, the kiss. Silvia kept shaking her head as I found this all amusing.
Papa didn't seem to like the smirk on my face and started dragging me away. I kept my gaze on Silvia until I was out the door.
Yes, It was going to be okay.
Silvia
Yes marijuana does make me loopy but I actually was clear minded. I was completely aware of everything I was doing. So as Pepa and I stood outside, I thought I would bring up our kiss we shared earlier - but nothing came out. We just stood there. A couple times I was going to speak up but stopped myself and smile. Ugh, how long could we just smile at each other?
Just to get out of this awkward situation I pretended that the band was playing my favorite song. I quickly pulled Pepa to the dance floor and started dancing. Pepa didn't seem to want to join in but I wasn't letting her go easily. I started encouraging her to dance with me and finally she started to enjoy it. It was breathtaking to finally see that real smile form on Pepa's face.
Then she stopped dancing and asked if I wanted to know what she really liked about me. Of course I did! I quickly said yes and then she said what I wanted to hear.
"I like the feeling of falling in love with you."
Pepa is falling in love with me. Pepa loves me.
I love Pepa. All these years, it made sense.
I wanted to melt at Pepa's words. But only my eyelids fell as I breathed in the moment. When I finally opened my eyes, all I saw was Pepa and I wanted to kiss her again.
I lifted my hand and trailed my fingertips along her cheek. They trailed up, then down to her chin and found their way to her lips. I caressed them gently and rested them. My breath hitched as I felt Pepa kiss my fingers and I trembled.
We shared our second kiss.
I pressed our lips together with firmness. Urgency. I wanted to feel the softness again but at the same time I didn't want the kiss to ever end.
This moment was more than perfect. It was every moment in our lives. My eighth birthday when I first watched her play futbol. The time she taught me how to ride a bike. The second we could call each other friends and our Human Anatomy studying session.
We were back on that cliff at Valencia Beach. We were on top of the world and not afraid to take the jump.
This was where I wanted to be and I couldn’t help but smile. Pepa smiled back against my lips.
I already expected Papa to pull us apart. I knew he was going to rant about our unethical behavior but he was going to blame it on Pepa. He always did. But I held Pepa's gaze with mine and mouthed it was okay.
Then I confronted Papa. I told him to leave it alone and that he was making to big of a fuss. But as stubborn as Papa can be, he refused to listen.
I knew the worst was coming when he started smelling our clothes. He called for Uncle Miranda and started yelling that Pepa had made me smoke a joint with her. I tried to correct him that I willingly smoked the joint on my own but he and Uncle Miranda were too immersed to hear anything else.
Pepa and I were left grinning at each other like fools.
Everything was going to be okay with Pepa around.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pepa
I wasn’t going to be okay.
Papa and Mama were fighting but not about me this time. The minute we got home, Mom and I were shocked to find a young twenty-something year old female at our front door.
It was Papa’s other woman.
He knew his secret lover was going to be there because he had his belongings packed in a suitcase, ready for him to leave Mama and I. He was planning to leave us that night.
Mama began crying and pounding her fist against Papa’s chest. She cried that she knew all along and couldn’t believe he denied it all these years. He did and said nothing. He let her hit him but at the end, he picked up his suitcase and left with his woman. He never said goodbye to me, he didn’t even look at me.
I was in complete shock as I watched my father just leave.
I turned to Mama and tried to console her but she wouldn’t let me touch her.
She started screaming at the top of her lungs. Angry at Papa, angry at her Faith, angry at me.
She looked at me in shame and left. She just left, didn’t even say goodbye as she disappeared into the night.
I was alone.
I ran to my bedroom and tried to compose myself. My parents didn’t love me if they could easily just leave. Why would I stay here?
Then I saw my acceptance letter to Pablo de Olavide University in Seville. Seville was far enough from here.
I needed a fresh start but I thought of Silvia. We had just starting something amazing. It had been what I was waiting to happen for years. And I had a grasp of it.
I couldn’t ask her to come with me. It would be unfair to stop her future as a medical doctor just so she could be with me. She deserved a better life than with me. If I couldn’t keep my life in order, how could I make it with Silvia at my side.
It was better this way.
I hope she can forgive me one day.
Silvia
Papa’s making me sleep in the guest room that is right beside his room. He’s got in his mind that Pepa will try to attack me again or coherence me to sneak out to see her.
I don’t know why he thinks so poorly about Pepa. She’s not a monster. She’s my Pepa.
I tried calling her when I got home but not one was answering. She’s probably getting the yelling of her life from her parents.
Don’t worry Pepa, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.
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This is the end of Pepa and Silvia’s Journal Entries for now. I may pick it up later but for now this just seems right to leave it there.
I was asked by some to waiver away from the actual storyline and have Pepa and Silvia stay together after the Communion. Maybe have them shack up too (Oh you SMUT lovers!!).
After much thought, I realized I didn’t want to go that route. I’m so much in love with the Pepa & Silvia storyline and how well it was developed in the TV series that I couldn’t do it. The writers did a great job introducing PepSi and I love sticking to the script. I feel like I made the right choice for my reasons.
I hope everyone understands. Again, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to read future PepSi stuff I come up with.
Besos!!