Writing because sleeping doesn't seem to be happening at the moment...
It's not been a great week. The pollen seems to have been turned up to 11 recently. I pulled a muscle in my back last Wednesday making beds. Note to self: no making beds. And my grandmother is basically dying. They moved her into palliative care yesterday (ish - the time zone issue makes timing weird), and from here it might be days or weeks.
I am having random, odd thoughts about this.
When I was 15 my great grandmother (my mother's grandmother) died. Now, twenty and a bit years later, my teenager daughter is about to lose her great grandmother. I feel like we've all moved one step up the rungs of some cosmic ladder. The next rung is going to suck big time. And the one after that is no fun at all.
I had the weirdest sense last night of experiencing these events from the future, as if I was reading the book of my life and thinking 'ah, yes, now we learn how the granny buys it'.
The condition that is finally killing my gran has prevented her from flying for about five years. Before that she was a fairly regular visitor here. Erin will remember her quite well. Liam probably hardly at all, and Ashwyn has not encountered her since he was a toddler.
Sometimes, when someone fairly lightly connected with me dies after a long lifespan I think 'well they've had a good run'. I think I am going to stop doing that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how long it has been, it just isn't long enough. It is not fricking long enough.
I am having random, odd thoughts about this.
When I was 15 my great grandmother (my mother's grandmother) died. Now, twenty and a bit years later, my teenager daughter is about to lose her great grandmother. I feel like we've all moved one step up the rungs of some cosmic ladder. The next rung is going to suck big time. And the one after that is no fun at all.
I had the weirdest sense last night of experiencing these events from the future, as if I was reading the book of my life and thinking 'ah, yes, now we learn how the granny buys it'.
The condition that is finally killing my gran has prevented her from flying for about five years. Before that she was a fairly regular visitor here. Erin will remember her quite well. Liam probably hardly at all, and Ashwyn has not encountered her since he was a toddler.
Sometimes, when someone fairly lightly connected with me dies after a long lifespan I think 'well they've had a good run'. I think I am going to stop doing that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how long it has been, it just isn't long enough. It is not fricking long enough.