because i forgot my journal @ school...
I am one of Angie's first real friends-
I care; I am there for her; I ask her questions.
I continue to notice we have more similarities than our name.
I wait for those questions, too, I've discovered.
Alli said there is usually empty phone talk, that whomever i am talking with always try to fill the empty space...
& that's why my mom talks endlessly (30+ min) - nonstop when our phones are connected, not just because she knows i will listen.
I wait for ppl to ask the questions about things they want to know. I wait for ppl to show me they want to know those things about me, about how I am doing, what's going on in my life , etc. because then I know they genuinely do care, those are things they think about (me) and aren't just humoring me.
I guess that's an independence thing too... I don't want to seem too needy or self absorbed or more of a mess or self absorbeddddd... I don't want to MAKE ppl listen to me.
do i not trust that ppl care & genuinely want to know (and like Alli said, they assume i will tell them what I am comfortable sharing/want them to know?) - my whole immediate and extended family is like that. This is the reason why i feel no one in my family wants to "keep track of me" because they don't even ask how college is when i see them the first time after starting college... I just need to come out and say my accomplishments?
like I was the leader of the few select students that went on WURHA, a Wisconsin Leadership conference.
and I'm studying abroad in Mexico in less than a year
and I was asked by my youth pastor to talk about my developed passion for Mexico at the annual Covenant Midwest Pastor conference - the 100th year anniversary!
and I'm doing mad dash - part of a team running from Madison to La Crosse to raise money for "Make a wish" to grand a child's wish.
and I'm going to be an exec of my dorm next year
and I love college
and I have a new roommate which i had doubts about, but we are getting along great
and I broke up with my boyfriend
and I want to be a camp summer counselor this summer
and I have found a great group of friends at school
and I am very involved in my hall
and I work at the front desk
and I'm working hard in school, even if Chemistry continually frustrates me.
and I enjoy photography, but finally got a working camera this Christmas
and this semester has gone quick and I've had (one of) the worst day of my life a few weeks ago surrounded by a difficult few weeks.
etc.
I don't like to just come out and say these things when my mom, grandma, etc. are talking about the dogs. If someone asks what's up, I will tell them what comes to mind. I don't expect ppl to know/remember I lead a leadership retreat, but if they asked how my semester has been going, i'd like to tell them, share the exciting things in my life.
Always, I try my best to be completely honest and genuine. I do things because i want to, not for show. Therefore, I don't always feel comfortable "parading" around my action; I do them for me, to help ppl.
When/if ppl ask me question, i answer as honestly as I can, even when it's tough or possibly hurtful...
This is shown especially through my talks with Ryan.
I want ppl to know about me, care about me. I used to hint at things when I was younger; now, i try my best to come out about how i am feeling/want ppl to do. but i'm not going to ask ppl to show they care for me by asking me questions... in my mind that would defeat the purpose.
I guess I need to learn & do a better job of talking about myself instead of listening all the time?
I'm not saying, if someone doesn't ask questions they don't care,
it's just, in my mind, they don't want to know about that area of me/my life, so I'll wait to share it with someone who does. maybe that is why i have so many friends, i figure someone will care/encourage about different aspects in my life... but then again, now, I do have those few friends I share whatever is on my mind with, without them asking what's been on my mind. But that is because, they have done something to get through to my mind to let me know they will be there, they want to listen, and it's safe.
I know my mom cares, but when i told her on the phone the other day after SHE talked to ME the other day for 30 min, that i felt she just talks the whole time when we are on the phone, and she positively mmhmm'd... i said it again, mom are you listening etc. she wan't; so why... I don't have to share how i'm dealing with ryan & I's relationship with her if it's just going to me talking. you know? maybe my mind is twisted, but i know I'm not the only one. And the strange thing is I thought I had complete faith in ppl/try to see the best in them. Maybe i'm just pessimistic when it comes to them wanting to be that great friend back? but i am generally so optimistic about life....?
I care; I am there for her; I ask her questions.
I continue to notice we have more similarities than our name.
I wait for those questions, too, I've discovered.
Alli said there is usually empty phone talk, that whomever i am talking with always try to fill the empty space...
& that's why my mom talks endlessly (30+ min) - nonstop when our phones are connected, not just because she knows i will listen.
I wait for ppl to ask the questions about things they want to know. I wait for ppl to show me they want to know those things about me, about how I am doing, what's going on in my life , etc. because then I know they genuinely do care, those are things they think about (me) and aren't just humoring me.
I guess that's an independence thing too... I don't want to seem too needy or self absorbed or more of a mess or self absorbeddddd... I don't want to MAKE ppl listen to me.
do i not trust that ppl care & genuinely want to know (and like Alli said, they assume i will tell them what I am comfortable sharing/want them to know?) - my whole immediate and extended family is like that. This is the reason why i feel no one in my family wants to "keep track of me" because they don't even ask how college is when i see them the first time after starting college... I just need to come out and say my accomplishments?
like I was the leader of the few select students that went on WURHA, a Wisconsin Leadership conference.
and I'm studying abroad in Mexico in less than a year
and I was asked by my youth pastor to talk about my developed passion for Mexico at the annual Covenant Midwest Pastor conference - the 100th year anniversary!
and I'm doing mad dash - part of a team running from Madison to La Crosse to raise money for "Make a wish" to grand a child's wish.
and I'm going to be an exec of my dorm next year
and I love college
and I have a new roommate which i had doubts about, but we are getting along great
and I broke up with my boyfriend
and I want to be a camp summer counselor this summer
and I have found a great group of friends at school
and I am very involved in my hall
and I work at the front desk
and I'm working hard in school, even if Chemistry continually frustrates me.
and I enjoy photography, but finally got a working camera this Christmas
and this semester has gone quick and I've had (one of) the worst day of my life a few weeks ago surrounded by a difficult few weeks.
etc.
I don't like to just come out and say these things when my mom, grandma, etc. are talking about the dogs. If someone asks what's up, I will tell them what comes to mind. I don't expect ppl to know/remember I lead a leadership retreat, but if they asked how my semester has been going, i'd like to tell them, share the exciting things in my life.
Always, I try my best to be completely honest and genuine. I do things because i want to, not for show. Therefore, I don't always feel comfortable "parading" around my action; I do them for me, to help ppl.
When/if ppl ask me question, i answer as honestly as I can, even when it's tough or possibly hurtful...
This is shown especially through my talks with Ryan.
I want ppl to know about me, care about me. I used to hint at things when I was younger; now, i try my best to come out about how i am feeling/want ppl to do. but i'm not going to ask ppl to show they care for me by asking me questions... in my mind that would defeat the purpose.
I guess I need to learn & do a better job of talking about myself instead of listening all the time?
I'm not saying, if someone doesn't ask questions they don't care,
it's just, in my mind, they don't want to know about that area of me/my life, so I'll wait to share it with someone who does. maybe that is why i have so many friends, i figure someone will care/encourage about different aspects in my life... but then again, now, I do have those few friends I share whatever is on my mind with, without them asking what's been on my mind. But that is because, they have done something to get through to my mind to let me know they will be there, they want to listen, and it's safe.
I know my mom cares, but when i told her on the phone the other day after SHE talked to ME the other day for 30 min, that i felt she just talks the whole time when we are on the phone, and she positively mmhmm'd... i said it again, mom are you listening etc. she wan't; so why... I don't have to share how i'm dealing with ryan & I's relationship with her if it's just going to me talking. you know? maybe my mind is twisted, but i know I'm not the only one. And the strange thing is I thought I had complete faith in ppl/try to see the best in them. Maybe i'm just pessimistic when it comes to them wanting to be that great friend back? but i am generally so optimistic about life....?