D is for Drama
I figure it's time for another update.
So. Shelby is offically the coolest person ever. =D Love her to death.
But yesterday was DnD. That was interesting. New person, another guy. Make me smile, only he's twenty one. Eh. He's quiet, can't say really what I think of him yet. That's not what made it interesting though. Lets say it was very dramatic.
I said some things I probably shouldn't have and feel horrible for it now. I can't say I didn't mean them, because I did, but at the same time I didn't. I only feel that way some of the time... I said them because that's the way I felt but they were the kind of feelings that should be left inside.
I guess that's the part of me that Kevin says I hide. The feelings I shut away because I desperatly want to be loved and accepted and stuff like that. I know its true and the sad thing is I've locked it up so tight, hidden it so well, I can barely find that side of me anymore. It's where I keep my past, my negative feelings, my "fight" and my wit are there as well. Everything but the positive things, the things I know people will accept, are there.
I think I know how Kat felt when she found out a few things about me. Backstabbed. I kind of feel like I've backstabbed myself for not letting everything out and keeping it from myself. Kevin is the only one who knows all of me (besides myself), Kris knows about sixty percent, and Shelby knows about fourty five percent. Sorry world, you only know about fourty.
This was such an emotionally straining break. I know it's only going to get worse because I've got to fix this. It's bothering me too much not to. It hurts me too much not to find out the truth.
Sad thing is: I haven't felt like this since me and Matt had our fight. I hope this doesn't turn out like Matt. That scares me right now more than anything.
Update as of 9:00pm- Love sucks. Love isn't worth my time.
No one but my friends are worth my time anymore.
Honestly, I'm done. I'm not trying any more.
Boys: If you want my attention, you have to come get it yourself because I'm not making the effort anymore. My heart is done being broken.
End of discussion.
So. Shelby is offically the coolest person ever. =D Love her to death.
But yesterday was DnD. That was interesting. New person, another guy. Make me smile, only he's twenty one. Eh. He's quiet, can't say really what I think of him yet. That's not what made it interesting though. Lets say it was very dramatic.
I said some things I probably shouldn't have and feel horrible for it now. I can't say I didn't mean them, because I did, but at the same time I didn't. I only feel that way some of the time... I said them because that's the way I felt but they were the kind of feelings that should be left inside.
I guess that's the part of me that Kevin says I hide. The feelings I shut away because I desperatly want to be loved and accepted and stuff like that. I know its true and the sad thing is I've locked it up so tight, hidden it so well, I can barely find that side of me anymore. It's where I keep my past, my negative feelings, my "fight" and my wit are there as well. Everything but the positive things, the things I know people will accept, are there.
I think I know how Kat felt when she found out a few things about me. Backstabbed. I kind of feel like I've backstabbed myself for not letting everything out and keeping it from myself. Kevin is the only one who knows all of me (besides myself), Kris knows about sixty percent, and Shelby knows about fourty five percent. Sorry world, you only know about fourty.
This was such an emotionally straining break. I know it's only going to get worse because I've got to fix this. It's bothering me too much not to. It hurts me too much not to find out the truth.
Sad thing is: I haven't felt like this since me and Matt had our fight. I hope this doesn't turn out like Matt. That scares me right now more than anything.
Update as of 9:00pm- Love sucks. Love isn't worth my time.
No one but my friends are worth my time anymore.
Honestly, I'm done. I'm not trying any more.
Boys: If you want my attention, you have to come get it yourself because I'm not making the effort anymore. My heart is done being broken.
End of discussion.