macabre Shakespearean humor
Submitted for your approval. You don't have to know Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies to get this, but it helps. You probably do have to know a fair deal of Shakespeare.
Of course, it doesn't have the illustrations, which are what make the original -- you'll just sort of have to visualize them.
Oh, and some of these are fairly lame, on the grounds that there weren't any characters with the appropriately-lettered name who died in ways that I could make rhyme easily. Likewise, occasionally better-known characters got shafted in favor of more obscure ones for the same reason. Ah, well.
THE GASHLYSPEARE TINIES
A is for Antigonus, lunch for a bear
B is for Banquo (but not for his heir)
C is for Cloten, deprived of his head
D is for Desdemona, smothered in bed
E is for Enobarbus, quelled by regret
F is for Falstaff, carried off by a sweat
G is for Gloucester, whose eyes were both gored
H is for Hamlet, stabbed with poisonous sword
I is for Iago, condemned to be racked1
J is for Juliet's suicide pact
K is for Kent, who would follow his master
L is for Lear, who expired by disaster
M is for Macbeth, attacked by a glade
N is for Norfolk, who died on crusade
O is for Ophelia, whose death was all wet
P is for Portia, who dined on briquet2
Q is for Quickly, burnt out by VD
R is for Regan, who drank poison tea
S is for Suffolk, by pirates beheaded
T is for Titus, whose victims were breaded
U is for Uncle Claude, poisoned (and more)3
V is for Vaughan, who was killed by a boar4
W is for Warwick, who at Barnet was slain
X5 is for Exton, who wandered like Cain
Y is for Yorick, who's naught but a skull
Z is for no one, so this ending is dull
1. Much like my brains in devising this doggerel. Cinthio's Hecatommithi, Shakespeare's main source for Othello, tells us that the there-unnamed ensign is condemned to the rack for his role in the murder of Disdemona (as Cinthio spells it), and then dies a very uncomfortable death after his internal organs rupture.
2. I believe this unusual manner of death also appears in the original Gashlycrumb Tinies.
3. This line was contributed by the_alchemist. Many thanks!
4. This reference is common enough in Richard III that I can use it. And yes, he's a ridiculously minor character. Really, there aren't that many Shakespeare characters who have names starting with V. And most of them survive their plays.
5. Yes, I know it's not, really, but I didn't make this stuff up. Blame Shakespeare for not giving anyone a name starting with X. And don't tell me there weren't any. It was good enough for Marlowe. Or was that Zenocrate with a Z? Now I can't remember offhand.
Of course, it doesn't have the illustrations, which are what make the original -- you'll just sort of have to visualize them.
Oh, and some of these are fairly lame, on the grounds that there weren't any characters with the appropriately-lettered name who died in ways that I could make rhyme easily. Likewise, occasionally better-known characters got shafted in favor of more obscure ones for the same reason. Ah, well.
THE GASHLYSPEARE TINIES
A is for Antigonus, lunch for a bear
B is for Banquo (but not for his heir)
C is for Cloten, deprived of his head
D is for Desdemona, smothered in bed
E is for Enobarbus, quelled by regret
F is for Falstaff, carried off by a sweat
G is for Gloucester, whose eyes were both gored
H is for Hamlet, stabbed with poisonous sword
I is for Iago, condemned to be racked1
J is for Juliet's suicide pact
K is for Kent, who would follow his master
L is for Lear, who expired by disaster
M is for Macbeth, attacked by a glade
N is for Norfolk, who died on crusade
O is for Ophelia, whose death was all wet
P is for Portia, who dined on briquet2
Q is for Quickly, burnt out by VD
R is for Regan, who drank poison tea
S is for Suffolk, by pirates beheaded
T is for Titus, whose victims were breaded
U is for Uncle Claude, poisoned (and more)3
V is for Vaughan, who was killed by a boar4
W is for Warwick, who at Barnet was slain
X5 is for Exton, who wandered like Cain
Y is for Yorick, who's naught but a skull
Z is for no one, so this ending is dull
1. Much like my brains in devising this doggerel. Cinthio's Hecatommithi, Shakespeare's main source for Othello, tells us that the there-unnamed ensign is condemned to the rack for his role in the murder of Disdemona (as Cinthio spells it), and then dies a very uncomfortable death after his internal organs rupture.
2. I believe this unusual manner of death also appears in the original Gashlycrumb Tinies.
3. This line was contributed by the_alchemist. Many thanks!
4. This reference is common enough in Richard III that I can use it. And yes, he's a ridiculously minor character. Really, there aren't that many Shakespeare characters who have names starting with V. And most of them survive their plays.
5. Yes, I know it's not, really, but I didn't make this stuff up. Blame Shakespeare for not giving anyone a name starting with X. And don't tell me there weren't any. It was good enough for Marlowe. Or was that Zenocrate with a Z? Now I can't remember offhand.