To Alice Walker
Dear Ms Walker,
You told me in the voices of the women you wrote about that white women had always shown anger, that we had been angry with black men and black women. I acknowledge that this was so. When we said we are now allowed to be angry, what we should have said is "We are now allowed to act and speak in anger to the people we are actually angry with, which is white men. We should be asking your forgiveness for turning on you in our pain, for continuing the cycle of abuse. And we must be constantly working to stop the cycle of abuse. To become whole people, each of us.
I am aware that we are not all whole people, that some of us, and maybe all of us in ways we cannot see, are still abusing you the way we were and are abused.
Of course we fear your anger. We know the debt of pain we are owed for what we have done and what we still do. Because we are paying back the debt of anger now towards our men. And still we are not whole people. We are just angry people.
Wholeness requires the forgiveness and acceptance that you have spoken of, again, in the voices of your characters. It is so hard to forgive when you are still being mistreated. Can we, should we, forgive while we are still carrying on the cycle of abuse? We cannot forgive them, you cannot forgive us, until the abuse stops. Until all people can truly mean Namaste in all that we say and do to one another. Can we forgive while we are still being hurt? I heard that question too, reading your words. And I saw the answer. We must forgive. We must let them into our hearts.
But who are our men angry with, that they must take it out on us? Is it indeed the Great Mother they are angry with? What is it that makes white men so angry? How can we heal our men, how can we help them find wholeness, so that they do not need to be angry? And we in turn will not need to be angry? Then you in turn will not need to be angry? Where is their wholeness? Why are they so broken, that they needed to break us? Oh, we cannot fix them by screaming at them. Goddess knows I've tried.
Why did Marduk kill Tiamat, and Perseus kill Medusa? Why was Ashera cast out of the Hebrew faith, and Lilith her Priestess also?
You were looking for this answer too. Did you find it?
Is men and women living separately indeed the way life should be?
Another question I have. If we white women worship the Great Mother as Isis, have we returned to the African Mother of Us All, or have we we appropriated that which does not rightfully belong to us, taken something away from you as we have taken so much already?
If we worship Kali Ma, are we colonizing a Goddess not our own, or are we recognizing our True Mother?
For me the answer is two-edged. We are colonizing when we act like we can use Her like a tool in our hands. We are returning to Her when we are a tool in Her hands.
And still I would love to hear your answer.
I owe you much, Alice Walker. It was you who told me about Medusa.
For all wrong that I and my ancestors before me and even my selves before this one (though mostly I was a cat) have done to you and your ancestors before me, and your selves before this one, I ask forgiveness. I must now work to be whole.
Speaking to you on paper, as I did this morning, before I came to write this here, I found someone I needed to forgive. My birth mother. Much of me is glad that she gave me to my parents. But much of me was hurt. I called her today, at last. I found her nine years ago. And I spoke to her briefly on the phone, but I was not ready then. Your words have helped me be ready.
I recognize the Goddess in you. I want only to love you.
Now I just remembered that I am writing this under my man's name. And here I am speaking with my woman's voice. So I will sign myself off with both my names (though I am thinking sincerely of changing my male name to Jack).
Namaste,
Minda/Evan
You told me in the voices of the women you wrote about that white women had always shown anger, that we had been angry with black men and black women. I acknowledge that this was so. When we said we are now allowed to be angry, what we should have said is "We are now allowed to act and speak in anger to the people we are actually angry with, which is white men. We should be asking your forgiveness for turning on you in our pain, for continuing the cycle of abuse. And we must be constantly working to stop the cycle of abuse. To become whole people, each of us.
I am aware that we are not all whole people, that some of us, and maybe all of us in ways we cannot see, are still abusing you the way we were and are abused.
Of course we fear your anger. We know the debt of pain we are owed for what we have done and what we still do. Because we are paying back the debt of anger now towards our men. And still we are not whole people. We are just angry people.
Wholeness requires the forgiveness and acceptance that you have spoken of, again, in the voices of your characters. It is so hard to forgive when you are still being mistreated. Can we, should we, forgive while we are still carrying on the cycle of abuse? We cannot forgive them, you cannot forgive us, until the abuse stops. Until all people can truly mean Namaste in all that we say and do to one another. Can we forgive while we are still being hurt? I heard that question too, reading your words. And I saw the answer. We must forgive. We must let them into our hearts.
But who are our men angry with, that they must take it out on us? Is it indeed the Great Mother they are angry with? What is it that makes white men so angry? How can we heal our men, how can we help them find wholeness, so that they do not need to be angry? And we in turn will not need to be angry? Then you in turn will not need to be angry? Where is their wholeness? Why are they so broken, that they needed to break us? Oh, we cannot fix them by screaming at them. Goddess knows I've tried.
Why did Marduk kill Tiamat, and Perseus kill Medusa? Why was Ashera cast out of the Hebrew faith, and Lilith her Priestess also?
You were looking for this answer too. Did you find it?
Is men and women living separately indeed the way life should be?
Another question I have. If we white women worship the Great Mother as Isis, have we returned to the African Mother of Us All, or have we we appropriated that which does not rightfully belong to us, taken something away from you as we have taken so much already?
If we worship Kali Ma, are we colonizing a Goddess not our own, or are we recognizing our True Mother?
For me the answer is two-edged. We are colonizing when we act like we can use Her like a tool in our hands. We are returning to Her when we are a tool in Her hands.
And still I would love to hear your answer.
I owe you much, Alice Walker. It was you who told me about Medusa.
For all wrong that I and my ancestors before me and even my selves before this one (though mostly I was a cat) have done to you and your ancestors before me, and your selves before this one, I ask forgiveness. I must now work to be whole.
Speaking to you on paper, as I did this morning, before I came to write this here, I found someone I needed to forgive. My birth mother. Much of me is glad that she gave me to my parents. But much of me was hurt. I called her today, at last. I found her nine years ago. And I spoke to her briefly on the phone, but I was not ready then. Your words have helped me be ready.
I recognize the Goddess in you. I want only to love you.
Now I just remembered that I am writing this under my man's name. And here I am speaking with my woman's voice. So I will sign myself off with both my names (though I am thinking sincerely of changing my male name to Jack).
Namaste,
Minda/Evan