warm.
"I can't change - even if I tried. Even if I wanted to. My love, she keeps me warm."
That song isn't about me - I'm not missing the point, I feel the point, but I'm keeping the chorus.
Eden called me on my way home from work because she knew I'd be driving home from work. Her crazy self just drove her crazy self and her two beautiful daughters in a little red (something) a few states over to stay with their dad while he's on a job. I'd worry about her car breaking down, but she knows her husband takes care of their cars and if anything went wrong, she'd handle it. And he'd handle it for her when they were together.
She was calling me from a park near their temporary housing. The girls were yelling in the background. She was just calling to chat - and she finished the call saying, "Feel free to call, I'm in another state, but it's not like it's a vacation."
The call made me feel like I'm part of Eden's home. I'm home to Eden.
My heart has to be made of something rubbery or it would explode. I want to make a list of all the people who help me, have helped me... the people who make it possible/comfortable/fun to be myself. Authentically myself. I have to work the fear of being tangled with people out of my system, because this web I'm wrapped up in is beautiful.
My Anna... came charging into town like it's normal. Like she'd been living down the street the whole time. There was the time she picked a box of mixmatched nothings off my dorm room bed when I decided to move to Manhattan and said, "Ok, you ready?" and picked up the same box when I came back to Lawrence and said, "Ok, you ready?" She flew into that terrible pit I'd made for myself with Solomon - we were going to Monument Valley when I had no money, I was barely surviving with Solomon, and right before we left, Time Warner came to pick up the cable box from the apartment. Anna just said, "Ok, you ready?" and we went anyway. ...this time was different, but I needed the same bully mentality - whatever it is you're doing or going through, it's ok, and I'm here to help you.
All my friends and family - I'm fighting the urge to withdraw in the face of all the love because I'm afraid I can't pay it back and guilt will be my debt. ...fighting it isn't even hard - I love the people in my life, and I need them - and I can be good for them, too.
"...even if I wanted to." he keeps me warm... I have a husband. I'm a wife. He keeps me, and keeps me so warm.
I feel so thoroughly loved.
(my hormones must be JACKED right now.)
That song isn't about me - I'm not missing the point, I feel the point, but I'm keeping the chorus.
Eden called me on my way home from work because she knew I'd be driving home from work. Her crazy self just drove her crazy self and her two beautiful daughters in a little red (something) a few states over to stay with their dad while he's on a job. I'd worry about her car breaking down, but she knows her husband takes care of their cars and if anything went wrong, she'd handle it. And he'd handle it for her when they were together.
She was calling me from a park near their temporary housing. The girls were yelling in the background. She was just calling to chat - and she finished the call saying, "Feel free to call, I'm in another state, but it's not like it's a vacation."
The call made me feel like I'm part of Eden's home. I'm home to Eden.
My heart has to be made of something rubbery or it would explode. I want to make a list of all the people who help me, have helped me... the people who make it possible/comfortable/fun to be myself. Authentically myself. I have to work the fear of being tangled with people out of my system, because this web I'm wrapped up in is beautiful.
My Anna... came charging into town like it's normal. Like she'd been living down the street the whole time. There was the time she picked a box of mixmatched nothings off my dorm room bed when I decided to move to Manhattan and said, "Ok, you ready?" and picked up the same box when I came back to Lawrence and said, "Ok, you ready?" She flew into that terrible pit I'd made for myself with Solomon - we were going to Monument Valley when I had no money, I was barely surviving with Solomon, and right before we left, Time Warner came to pick up the cable box from the apartment. Anna just said, "Ok, you ready?" and we went anyway. ...this time was different, but I needed the same bully mentality - whatever it is you're doing or going through, it's ok, and I'm here to help you.
All my friends and family - I'm fighting the urge to withdraw in the face of all the love because I'm afraid I can't pay it back and guilt will be my debt. ...fighting it isn't even hard - I love the people in my life, and I need them - and I can be good for them, too.
"...even if I wanted to." he keeps me warm... I have a husband. I'm a wife. He keeps me, and keeps me so warm.
I feel so thoroughly loved.
(my hormones must be JACKED right now.)