Emotional Masochism
New Self Diagnosis - sorta
I have decided (for about the one zillionth (sp?) time) that I'm just an emotional masochist who doesn't actually want to be happy.
I know I shouldn't be quoting cheesy teen shows, but Pacey said it best on Dawson's Creek "You know me, I'd be miserable if I were happy."
So we'll one up that with a cheesy romantic comedy, Wedding Date, "Every woman has the exact love life she desires."
So maybe although I think I want to be settled and unalone I don't really otherwise I would be. Why else would I keep falling for the unattainable?
Or just sticking around the once attained and now beyond the reach of any of my love? Or maybe just the sort of love I'm projecting.
I've learned though - there are ways to make it unthreatening. I first realized it with the duck... the first one.
I came to the conclusion he just didn't believe that I loved him and so I would tell him everyday until he did. So then he did - he just didn't know what to do about it.
So what do you do with the one who does believe it, knows what to do about it, but just can't accept it?
You just state it as a fact. Don't even make it always be an I love you - but rather an, "I was thinking of you, cause I do that a lot" or "If it means you're sticking around I'll keep you as long as I can". Sentences that send the meaning of love without the threatening words.
But then..... oh but then... Then you get into smiles and acknowledgements that in actuality don't mean anything, or at least more likely than not don't, but they seem to and you want to think they do and you revel in them and think about them and see them as signs and......
Nothing. But you're happy believing in that nothing. So.... Emotional Masochism. Try it, you'll like it. Except you won't - and that way you will - hence the point.
I have decided (for about the one zillionth (sp?) time) that I'm just an emotional masochist who doesn't actually want to be happy.
I know I shouldn't be quoting cheesy teen shows, but Pacey said it best on Dawson's Creek "You know me, I'd be miserable if I were happy."
So we'll one up that with a cheesy romantic comedy, Wedding Date, "Every woman has the exact love life she desires."
So maybe although I think I want to be settled and unalone I don't really otherwise I would be. Why else would I keep falling for the unattainable?
Or just sticking around the once attained and now beyond the reach of any of my love? Or maybe just the sort of love I'm projecting.
I've learned though - there are ways to make it unthreatening. I first realized it with the duck... the first one.
I came to the conclusion he just didn't believe that I loved him and so I would tell him everyday until he did. So then he did - he just didn't know what to do about it.
So what do you do with the one who does believe it, knows what to do about it, but just can't accept it?
You just state it as a fact. Don't even make it always be an I love you - but rather an, "I was thinking of you, cause I do that a lot" or "If it means you're sticking around I'll keep you as long as I can". Sentences that send the meaning of love without the threatening words.
But then..... oh but then... Then you get into smiles and acknowledgements that in actuality don't mean anything, or at least more likely than not don't, but they seem to and you want to think they do and you revel in them and think about them and see them as signs and......
Nothing. But you're happy believing in that nothing. So.... Emotional Masochism. Try it, you'll like it. Except you won't - and that way you will - hence the point.