a Twist Of Fate Part 5
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Jared wasn’t enjoying being home with his family for the holidays as much as he thought he would. He missed Jensen as much as he was mad at him for the secrets he had kept from him. Katie had managed to corner him the other night in the kitchen after he went for a dink having woken from a nightmare. He had spilled his guts about dating Jensen the finding out who he was and leaving to come home after breaking up with him. Katie had pestered him to talk more to her about it which was how they had ended up on the porch now sitting on the bench swing.
“Jared you have to remember that he lost someone too” Katie placed a hand on his arm. “What his brother did” she took a breath “what his brother did was not his fault. He didn’t ask, tell, or command his brother to hurt anyone. His brother was sick and in his mind was helping Jensen even when Jensen told him to forget what had happened to him. Daniel may have killed Greg and those other people but he died as well. Jensen lost him as much as we lost Greg.”
Jared knew that his attacker, Daniel, Jensen’s brother Daniel had died but he never really registered what that meant in relation to other people not his victims.
“From what I understand Daniel was not only his brother but almost his parent and most certainly his best friend. And while we almost lost you along with Greg you are still here and Jensen lost Daniel and his parents when they found out why Daniel had done what he did. That was everything to Jensen not just one person he saw a few times a year.
Jared almost cringed at that last jab Katie had given in her reasoning. Jared hadn’t gotten along with Greg completely despite their close age. For one his parents hadn’t been all that close with Greg’s parents so they didn’t see each other all that often. Also the way they were raised was vastly different and provided a large gap between their personalities that sometimes clashed when they saw each other. Christmas had been a time when they were civil towards each other and the giddiness of the holiday had covered many of the faults they saw in the other. That was the whole reason Jared had agreed to visit Greg in the first place and take that fateful shopping trip to the mall with him.
“But why didn’t he just tell me when he found out who I was? Why hide it and keep it a secret? If I hadn’t done my own digging and found out he might have never told me” Jared was still a bit angry and bitter about that point.
Katie sighed and cocked her head at him as if search out the stupid in him that made him ask those questions. Finding that he must not know the obvious answer she shook her head and asked her own question. “Do you remember what it was like after, when you have recovered enough to get out of the hospital?”
Jared though back to the time he had been released to go home from the hospital still weak and recovering but alive. It had been a tough road with all the doctor’s visits and therapy and smothering family members. On top of that there were all his friends, his classmates, people he didn’t know stopping him on the street or sending him letters or trying to call. Lastly there were all the reporters who seemed to be everywhere he turned all the time and just wouldn’t seem to go away even a year after. “Yeah” he huffed out still apparently not getting it by Katie’s standards.
“Jared you had enough support you could have had your own miniature army to oppose all the strangers and reporters that hung around. Hell you even changed your name when you went back to school to get them to leave you alone and they were all in favor of you. Now take away all that support and reverse the feelings of your media stalkers. That was what Jensen was facing for the year or so you were center stage for the nation for stopping mass violence. He took a page right out of your book and tried to get away. Then you found each other and had this great thing before you basically tell him that you are part of probably the worst moment of his life. If it was the worst part of his life he has to know it was for you too. How do you face someone who by all the media talk and public opinion and even his families actions blames you for the worst part of their life?”
As Katie spoke he got a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach that branched out to his limbs and made him numb with guilt and shame over how he had last treated Jensen. It was true that Jensen was connected to his almost death and hard fought recovery but not in the way he had always imagined in his head. He knew Daniel had Schizophrenia and logically Jensen had no control over that and how Daniel reacted with it. In his mind Daniel had done what he though was right and okay to do in his own twisted logic. Jensen hadn’t even known until after the whole incident was over. Losing Daniel who he had been so close to even in his own admissions had probably hurt just as much if not more them him losing Greg. Then he’d had his family to support him to the point he wanted to hide from them at times they were so stifling in their care.
Jared had read in papers later and heard through gossip about court proceedings and town gossip that Jensen’s parents had split and left him to the care of some relatives. The media who had flocked to the area had painted him as an all American boy who could have been the son, brother, nephew, classmate, ext. of any good family in America. He was perfect and why did this bad thing have to happen and if it happened to him who else could it happen to? They were interested in his recovery, in what he wanted to do with his life as it had been spared, was he going to amount to something great with such a life changing experience. They couldn’t say a bad thing about him besides glossing over he was gay as his family had accepted him and wouldn’t take any flak from anyone who said otherwise. At the same time Jensen was almost the epitome of evil in lieu of Daniel being dead. Jensen was a troubled boy who came from a bad and broken home. He was immoral being gay and using his brother’s illness to his own gain sending him to hurt other people, good people. Jensen had been quiet and smart which meant he must have been deviously planning things to do to the good people he didn’t like. They had been total opposites to the media and in their home lives. But they had both been affected the same by the incident at the mall and they were still both suffering from it in their own ways.
If he was honest Jensen had made him feel better when he talked about it with him even though he hadn’t given all the details. Had shared with him similar feelings and ways to help himself when he got stuck on the past. At the time he had no idea they had been talking about the same thing and he should have realized that they were but that was on both of them. True finding out the connection would make anyone mad but he had taken it to the extreme. He hadn’t allowed Jensen to explain or to talk with him about it. He had shut Jensen down and out and done some nasty things after that if his momma know would chew him out. And Jensen, Jensen had just taken it like ha had been doing for the past ten years because it was what he expected. Even now after so much had changed and people knew and understood so much more it was like none of the past ten years of change had mattered when it came to Jensen. He knew that Jensen had dropped out of school and moved but he didn’t know where. He had to find Jensen and make it right and tell him that he loved him because it was true. Jared had loved Jensen, he still loved Jensen hand he had hurt Jensen. He knew he had to find him and if nothing else apologize and he knew just where to start looking.
Three days later after a major chewing out from both his parents, lots of internet searches and flights made and hotels booked and cars rented and a small fortune spent he had met up with Christian Kane after one of his concerts. He came out of that encounter with a bruised jaw, bloody nose and lip and a black eye. But he also got an address for Jensen.
1997
It had been months since the shooting and Jared was doing much better even if he still had a ways to go before he was fully recovered. He was still mostly bed (or couch if he begged) ridden with lots of physical therapy ahead once he was on his feet and the doctors had said something about PTSD. He guessed the PTSD had to do with the nightmares he had reliving the shooting in his head only making it worse than it was. But it wasn’t that that was getting him down lately even if it was part of the over all problem. No right now he just wanted to be anybody but Jared Padalecki, he wanted to get away from who he was.
Everyone wanted his attention and wanted to see him, talk to him and wanted to know all about him and wanted to help him or praise him in some way. He wasn’t anybody special like a celebrity or sports player or political figure. He was just a boy who had gone through a bad all be it tragic experience and come out a little damaged but still alive. It didn’t entitle him to anything especially all the attention that was surrounding him, his family and this town. But the papers were making everything out as if he was some kind of hero. There had been a hero but that hero wasn’t Jared. The hero in this story had died that horrible night and the heroes after that were the police and medical staff who had helped the injured. Jared was just unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and fortunate enough to survive.
Sometimes when everything became too much he thought for a fleeting second what it would have been like if he hadn’t made it, but then felt guilty and angry for that thought. He thinks he would be a lot happier if everyone would stop bugging him and just let him rest and get better in peace. If this was how things were going to be in the future he would change his name and move away. Then he wondered if that would be possible and what he would have to do to get it done. His family would object there was no doubt about it. He couldn’t walk and they were taking care of him there was no way they would let him go if he couldn’t take care of himself and they would be damned if they were going to pay for someone else to do what they could for free and with more love then a stranger. Also even if he did change his name and go right now he would be recognized anywhere as his face was known to just about the whole US. His sister had teased him for an autograph from the lone survivor and shown him a copy of Time Magazine with his face on the cover. Granted there were faces of the other victims but his picture was the largest and there were others inside as well. So unless he moved to some small backwoods town that didn’t get a lot of news he was stuck for now. As the days began to pass he wondered if he would be forever known as the lone survivor the one who got away. Changing his name or image would not erase what was already out there and anyone who spoke his name of knew it would know or find out what had happened. He might never escape it and it was depressing to think of it following him around. To have the past proceed him and taint everything in the future. Then event itself hadn’t lasted all that long but it’s legacy would as long as the information was out there or there was someone who could talk about it. He hated to think that anyone he might meet in the future would judge him for what had happened in his past. It’s not like it was his fault he didn’t ask for it or the attention it caused.
2007
It was late just about closing when the bell over the door sounded as someone came in and Jensen wanted to groan. He hated it when people can in right before closing and held them up from leaving. He headed towards the counter grabbing the few cups left out on tables as he went not bother to look at the idiot who can in until he was almost upon the. When he did see who it was he dropped the tray he’d been carrying and the few dishes that had been on it shattered loudly when they hit the floor. Jared was standing there at the counter looking right at him.
“Jensen” he said the looked down at the mess on the floor with a frown “I can um, I can pay for that.”
“Wh-what do you want Jared” he hated how shaky his voice sounded.
“Can I talk to you? In private” he added seeing the death glare Danneel was giving him.
Danneel was one of his closest friends baring Chris and Steve right now. She had gotten him drunk and talking one night not long after they had met and learned all about him and his past and didn’t care one bit. If he was straight he would have loved her. Jared had sounded tried and his request was pretty much a plea and Jensen just didn’t care anymore. He had loved Jared and was still trying to get over him. Whatever was said now might help him but also fuel his old need. How crazy was it that he still wanted Jared so much that he was about to talk to him and hear whatever crap was about to be dished out just so he could be around him just a little longer.
“Could you?” he gestured to the mess with a sweeping motion addressing Danneel before stepping around it knowing she would. She might hate it but she would giving him a moment with Jared. “This way” he moved towards the far end of the counter and around it and back into the staging area of the kitchen Jared following along behind him. They only got a few feet past the door when he stopped and faced Jared. He waited for Jared to start the conversation as it was Jared who had come to him and after a moment of awkward silence Jared began.
“I think I made a big mistake Jen” Jared ran a hand threw his hair and blew out a breath.
He was going to say something, he wasn’t sure what but something his mouth opening already when Jared held up a hand to stop him.
“No just hear me out okay” when Jared saw he wasn’t going to object he went on. “I made a mistake when I hurt you and made you leave. I was angry at everything and took it all out on you when you didn’t deserve any on if. Most of it was anger at the past which I can’t change. I have learned a lot since then and some I things I knew I just never thought about because I didn’t want to. A big example is how wrong the media treated you and portrayed me and my family. When it came out about what my cousin Greg and his friends had done to you I was still so messed up that I didn’t really care. And I know that it isn’t right but back then no one really cared if people played jokes like that on so called fagots. I know to a lot of people I was in that latter group but as long as I was the injured innocent all American boy they kinda over looked that about me. Times and opinions have come a long ways since then and they still have a long way to go but right now, here in California it doesn’t really matter what we are. I know who I am and my family knows and doesn’t care so I don’t care what others think. I also know that you are not responsible for what Daniel did and I don’t care what other people have to say about that either. I love you and I don’t care what happened in the past, that was then, this is now and it’s what matters. If you still love me I want there to be a future. If we have to start again, if I have to call you some other name, if we have to move I don’t care. I know what I want.”
Tears were streaming down his cheeks as Jared talked and happiness began to flow through him with each word Jared said until he felt full to burst. Jared loved him and wanted him and was willing to do what sound like just about anything to have him. When Jared finished he just waited for him to say anything. He wiped the tears off his face and sniffled a little trying to gain some composure before saying anything.
“I think it would be good if he just started over” he managed to get out and had to clear his throat before going on. “I think you should go out now” he waved at the door.
“Oh, uh okay” Jared’s shoulders slumped as he turned and walked out to the front of the café.
He took a few deep calming breaths before he went back out. When he got to the counter Jared was just going out the door Danneel close behind starting at him. As soon as the door closed behind Jared he huffed. “Dani could you tell him that he forgot to get something.”
Danneel looked at him for a second before a big grin spread over her face. She had been eavesdropping. She opened the door and stepped out but kept ti cracked open with a foot as she called out to Jared.
“Hey mister” her voice was loud but not angry and Jared turned to her “you forgot to order.”
Jared just stood there for a moment looking at her as if she was speaking another language before something must have clicked in his brain and a smile flashed over his face showing dimples. Jared walked back to her and she opened the door stepping out of the way as Jared moved past and came up to the counter. Jared pretended to look at the menu then looked at him right in the eyes.
“Hi I’m Jensen Ackles what can I get you” He smiled and he ran through the line with his name added.
“Jared Padalecki, and I’m not sure you can help me, you see what I want isn’t on the menu” Jared didn’t look away from him their gazes locked.
“And what is that we might have it on the secret menu for special customers” Jensen fought not to smirk or laugh.
“You, it would be under love at first sight” Jared’s old humor and playfulness showed through on his cheesy line.
“Well then it must be fate because that is the special of the day and since you are the last customer it must be for you” Jensen played right back.
“Best deal I have ever heard, how much?” Jared placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward a bit but still didn’t look away.
He licked his lips placing his own hands on the counter almost touching Jared’s and moving forward so their faces were an inch apart “a kiss.”
“Perfect” Jared said and surged forward and kissed him.
The End