Ta-Ta
All I want to do is to sleep.
& not to avoid anything either. There's nothing to avoid, other than being extremely tired, mentally, emotionally, physically. Maybe it's the sleep that I hadn't been getting the past few days. I'm cranky, I want to do anything else other than sleep, & there's so much things to do if I could stay awake. I still want to read the books I borrowed. I still want to clean up the remaining clothes. I still want to go out & jog. I still have bills to pay. I still can go anywhere else to work. But my eyes won't let me.
I've been in bed for 9 hours since yesterday, & right after this entry I want to sleep in again. The last few days I had been getting heart spikes ever so sudden, & being the way I am isn't helping much. I'm running fevers on & off the pat few days, and as this is typed out I can feel one rising.
I'm angry. I'm indifferently ferocious..
Nothing is going right. My best friends don't talk to me anymore, one of them literally shutting me out of his life because of an argument he had with my own boyfriend, the other only talking to me if I text, & the last usually having active things to do in her life. My boyfriend hadn't been doing great either, he walked away without saying goodbye today. For the 1st time I didn't cry when he did, I wasn't shocked like I was the last time he did. His silence told me the whole time that he didn't want to be there while I was trying to explain. Maybe I sounded sarcastically condescending, but was trying to get him to understand nonetheless. Unfortunately he thinks the world is against him, he didn't see the positive side of anything that is pointed out to him by anyone. In the end he shut me out too.
I'm scared of myself because I'm crushing every head that had loved me. But I have reasons to.
I hate when people walk off without taking the initiative to solve problems. If you think it's going to disappear while you're gone, think again. It's going to be there when you come back & it's going to grow a million times bigger. On your head.
What's the point of thinking about 'now' when your future is going to be messed up?
My phone, for the 1st time, is quiet.
There are still people texting & calling, but all I did was stare at the vibrating gadget. They aren't the persons I wish to talk to. Yeah I'm usually friendly, but because of my physical state I wouldn't give my best in communicating, & that would only upset people who have exciting news to share with me. To these people, thanks for not forgetting me , I will get back to you soon.
For the rest of you who are culprits, I've made up my mind to just smile. Just smile.
& if anyone wants me back, you'll get another big smile from me.
& door shut in your face. That's for shutting me out. =)
Smile
Lily Allen
When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door, what cha do that for (what cha do that for)
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
Whenever you see me you say that you want me back
And I tell you it don't mean jack, no it don't mean jack
I couldn't stop laughing, no I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health I was quite unwell
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalala
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalala
^_^
& not to avoid anything either. There's nothing to avoid, other than being extremely tired, mentally, emotionally, physically. Maybe it's the sleep that I hadn't been getting the past few days. I'm cranky, I want to do anything else other than sleep, & there's so much things to do if I could stay awake. I still want to read the books I borrowed. I still want to clean up the remaining clothes. I still want to go out & jog. I still have bills to pay. I still can go anywhere else to work. But my eyes won't let me.
I've been in bed for 9 hours since yesterday, & right after this entry I want to sleep in again. The last few days I had been getting heart spikes ever so sudden, & being the way I am isn't helping much. I'm running fevers on & off the pat few days, and as this is typed out I can feel one rising.
I'm angry. I'm indifferently ferocious..
Nothing is going right. My best friends don't talk to me anymore, one of them literally shutting me out of his life because of an argument he had with my own boyfriend, the other only talking to me if I text, & the last usually having active things to do in her life. My boyfriend hadn't been doing great either, he walked away without saying goodbye today. For the 1st time I didn't cry when he did, I wasn't shocked like I was the last time he did. His silence told me the whole time that he didn't want to be there while I was trying to explain. Maybe I sounded sarcastically condescending, but was trying to get him to understand nonetheless. Unfortunately he thinks the world is against him, he didn't see the positive side of anything that is pointed out to him by anyone. In the end he shut me out too.
I'm scared of myself because I'm crushing every head that had loved me. But I have reasons to.
I hate when people walk off without taking the initiative to solve problems. If you think it's going to disappear while you're gone, think again. It's going to be there when you come back & it's going to grow a million times bigger. On your head.
What's the point of thinking about 'now' when your future is going to be messed up?
My phone, for the 1st time, is quiet.
There are still people texting & calling, but all I did was stare at the vibrating gadget. They aren't the persons I wish to talk to. Yeah I'm usually friendly, but because of my physical state I wouldn't give my best in communicating, & that would only upset people who have exciting news to share with me. To these people, thanks for not forgetting me , I will get back to you soon.
For the rest of you who are culprits, I've made up my mind to just smile. Just smile.
& if anyone wants me back, you'll get another big smile from me.
& door shut in your face. That's for shutting me out. =)
Smile
Lily Allen
When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door, what cha do that for (what cha do that for)
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
Whenever you see me you say that you want me back
And I tell you it don't mean jack, no it don't mean jack
I couldn't stop laughing, no I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health I was quite unwell
I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalala
At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalala
Click to view^_^