Breaking the Indifference
I feel good.
Or Bad.
Oh I don't know anymore.
At this time I'm elated because I'm surrounded by books galore! & I went all the way to Bishan for it's public library after booking work at Orchard just because I thought a change of new books & place would be good, & the fact that I came across a Heart Donation drive which had insisted I donate $56/month for 2 years via creditcard while returning books at the Toa Payoh branch. It caused me to get quite perturbed internally because they keep reminding me that all it needs is a $1.25 per day for a heart patient to get go into heart surgery, & I don't even have enough to get a new heart let alone meds. I didn't tell them I was one of them sick they're fighting for though, so I smiled at them, let them talk about their cause, took down their email address, shook their hands & went on to Orchard.
But anyway, back to the books!
Why We Feel: The Science of Human Emotions (Victor S. Johnston) - It was this morning's incident that got me wanting to understand this. I desperately need to understand why to gain back feelings I need.
The Secret of Loving (Josh McDowell) - A continuation reading of the above book, the need to understand, because apparently I say something & feel something different, & I don't want to hurt anymore.
German for Dummies - It's a tradition I do to select a language book & I've decided to touch on German this 3 weeks!
Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats - A quote book that I absolutely love & had borrowed over 3 times because I never seem to finish it.
Instant Genius: Smart Mouths (Knowledge Commons) - Just because I like intelligent wit.
Frommer's Scotland - A travel guide to the country I love 2nd best (it still ain't gunna beat my grounded Irish roots naawww =3). I always stop by the Scottish travel section though, because it reminds me fondly of the people I love. & it was quite uncanny too today, that when the very first flipped page I went through of a Scotland guide today it was spot on to Barras, the place that David had been cheerily piping at me about his cheap Gundam & Goku find this morning (I didn't ask him what kind of place it was because of my mood, sadly). It turned out to be a flea market & I was smiling like crazy at the discovery & imagining how he happy had been until the librarian walked pass. XD
Anyway I should be used to those uncanny things, they happen too frequently & daily. All I have to do is think of something & it'll come to me. Scary, but useful.
The next 5 books are all fiction that I picked out randomly, except for Angelology, which I had been eying at Borders quite a few weeks before Christmas.
11 books!! *chuffed*
Well not exactly 11... the receipt says 11 but...
Don't tell the library, but I've accidentally smuggled out a 779 paged book (excluding the extras pages front & back), Adam Jacot de Boinod's I Never Knew There Was A Word For It, an excellent worldly language guide which even Stephen Fry toasts for.
I'm still surprised I got out with it, I must've forgotten to scan it out because of the bookish mess I did while scanning everything out. Wasn't there supposed to be a barrier alert at the entrance?
On instinct I want to keep it, that's what bookworms do, but on moral grounds I'll return it... if it's asked for. 0=3
Only just now I remembered that I keep track of what I have read on Shelfari, so it's kind of outdated, but you can find these books (here):
Speaking of work!
Friday - Banquet 2pm-2am
Saturday - Paiza 11pm-7am
Sunday - Casino 7pm-3am
Or was it the other way round, Casino then Paiza? Ah well either way I don't remember & can't care less as long as they're far apart enough to give me time to rest & I'm doing something (though I still don't consider this work intellectually productive & therefore not a job even if it means earning cash). I've finally resigned to my fate of attending night shift at Paiza because it keeps appearing whenever I book for a job. Never try never know, eh?
Well yeah I know, Friday is New Year's Eve. But I've got no one to celebrate it with. Or well... I do, I have party invites already. It's just that well... it won't be the person I really want to see the New Year with because that person would rather run around with real people that day.
I guess it'll take my mind off.
Still deciding if I'm off to Malacca tomorrow through Saturday. It was a last minute thing my parents concocted over the phone this evening & it had us who are over in Singapore unsettled because heck, we've got plans of our own. & I've booked work! How can they do this?!
But really? I'm just distraught about how I'm going to push everyone away again & I'm not even properly settled down after i came back from a week in JB. There's no internet whatsoever in Malacca or even the phone either so there's no way of getting in touch with anyone. I'm still getting used to the fact that David was doing a very bad deed while I was away there 2 years ago, & ever since then I'm a very troubled homesick kitten whenever I have to leave for that place.
Yeah I'm over the past, just the places reminds me still has attached memories I need to burn.
Ah I don't know what I'm more worried about - having to cancel work or leaving without reconciling with people. & the fact that my boyfriend has a trait of getting really anxious when I'm away without contact keeps me deciding.
To whoever had been a victim of my morning indifference & depression today, I apologize. Distance & time away make it like that, & I do want to break that barrier. Just help me by not giving up on me & walking away. God I swear I don't want to give up on you.
As quoted by Elie Wiesel, the recipient of the Nobel Prize for Peace, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Oh, & a little help.
Go on to my tumblr (here), read this, & please provide me with an understanding of your own, so I can understand .
Please.
I don't want to hurt. I'll break the habit however I can.
Breaking The Habit
Linkin Park
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one at fault
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this
I’ll never be alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Or Bad.
Oh I don't know anymore.
At this time I'm elated because I'm surrounded by books galore! & I went all the way to Bishan for it's public library after booking work at Orchard just because I thought a change of new books & place would be good, & the fact that I came across a Heart Donation drive which had insisted I donate $56/month for 2 years via creditcard while returning books at the Toa Payoh branch. It caused me to get quite perturbed internally because they keep reminding me that all it needs is a $1.25 per day for a heart patient to get go into heart surgery, & I don't even have enough to get a new heart let alone meds. I didn't tell them I was one of them sick they're fighting for though, so I smiled at them, let them talk about their cause, took down their email address, shook their hands & went on to Orchard.
But anyway, back to the books!
Why We Feel: The Science of Human Emotions (Victor S. Johnston) - It was this morning's incident that got me wanting to understand this. I desperately need to understand why to gain back feelings I need.
The Secret of Loving (Josh McDowell) - A continuation reading of the above book, the need to understand, because apparently I say something & feel something different, & I don't want to hurt anymore.
German for Dummies - It's a tradition I do to select a language book & I've decided to touch on German this 3 weeks!
Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats - A quote book that I absolutely love & had borrowed over 3 times because I never seem to finish it.
Instant Genius: Smart Mouths (Knowledge Commons) - Just because I like intelligent wit.
Frommer's Scotland - A travel guide to the country I love 2nd best (it still ain't gunna beat my grounded Irish roots naawww =3). I always stop by the Scottish travel section though, because it reminds me fondly of the people I love. & it was quite uncanny too today, that when the very first flipped page I went through of a Scotland guide today it was spot on to Barras, the place that David had been cheerily piping at me about his cheap Gundam & Goku find this morning (I didn't ask him what kind of place it was because of my mood, sadly). It turned out to be a flea market & I was smiling like crazy at the discovery & imagining how he happy had been until the librarian walked pass. XD
Anyway I should be used to those uncanny things, they happen too frequently & daily. All I have to do is think of something & it'll come to me. Scary, but useful.
The next 5 books are all fiction that I picked out randomly, except for Angelology, which I had been eying at Borders quite a few weeks before Christmas.
11 books!! *chuffed*
Well not exactly 11... the receipt says 11 but...
Don't tell the library, but I've accidentally smuggled out a 779 paged book (excluding the extras pages front & back), Adam Jacot de Boinod's I Never Knew There Was A Word For It, an excellent worldly language guide which even Stephen Fry toasts for.
I'm still surprised I got out with it, I must've forgotten to scan it out because of the bookish mess I did while scanning everything out. Wasn't there supposed to be a barrier alert at the entrance?
On instinct I want to keep it, that's what bookworms do, but on moral grounds I'll return it... if it's asked for. 0=3
Only just now I remembered that I keep track of what I have read on Shelfari, so it's kind of outdated, but you can find these books (here):
Speaking of work!
Friday - Banquet 2pm-2am
Saturday - Paiza 11pm-7am
Sunday - Casino 7pm-3am
Or was it the other way round, Casino then Paiza? Ah well either way I don't remember & can't care less as long as they're far apart enough to give me time to rest & I'm doing something (though I still don't consider this work intellectually productive & therefore not a job even if it means earning cash). I've finally resigned to my fate of attending night shift at Paiza because it keeps appearing whenever I book for a job. Never try never know, eh?
Well yeah I know, Friday is New Year's Eve. But I've got no one to celebrate it with. Or well... I do, I have party invites already. It's just that well... it won't be the person I really want to see the New Year with because that person would rather run around with real people that day.
I guess it'll take my mind off.
Still deciding if I'm off to Malacca tomorrow through Saturday. It was a last minute thing my parents concocted over the phone this evening & it had us who are over in Singapore unsettled because heck, we've got plans of our own. & I've booked work! How can they do this?!
But really? I'm just distraught about how I'm going to push everyone away again & I'm not even properly settled down after i came back from a week in JB. There's no internet whatsoever in Malacca or even the phone either so there's no way of getting in touch with anyone. I'm still getting used to the fact that David was doing a very bad deed while I was away there 2 years ago, & ever since then I'm a very troubled homesick kitten whenever I have to leave for that place.
Yeah I'm over the past, just the places reminds me still has attached memories I need to burn.
Ah I don't know what I'm more worried about - having to cancel work or leaving without reconciling with people. & the fact that my boyfriend has a trait of getting really anxious when I'm away without contact keeps me deciding.
To whoever had been a victim of my morning indifference & depression today, I apologize. Distance & time away make it like that, & I do want to break that barrier. Just help me by not giving up on me & walking away. God I swear I don't want to give up on you.
As quoted by Elie Wiesel, the recipient of the Nobel Prize for Peace, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Oh, & a little help.
Go on to my tumblr (here), read this, & please provide me with an understanding of your own, so I can understand .
Please.
I don't want to hurt. I'll break the habit however I can.
Breaking The Habit
Linkin Park
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one at fault
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this
I’ll never be alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight
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