Grenade
Very miserable today.
I didn't attend work at the Paiza Club just now because I felt feeling freakish.
Been feeling that way the whole day, spiritless, listless, empty physically & emotionally, nothing to cheer me up. Even whatever I ate did not feel fulfilling. & it should be alarming that my AED interview is tomorrow, yet I'm not even ready & rehearsed, let alone alarmed.
What I did the last few days will be up on Facebook as pictures.
I'm just too... apathetic... to describe everything. Yeah my birthday was the best of my 21 years of life, considering that I'm still living even after being diagnosed dying around this time, & my mates had made sure it was the best ever. I had bought/made/wrapped/ sent half of the Christmas presents for my mates everywhere, & there's still half to go to the UK & parts of the US.
I'm planning to work my arse off the week just to waste away the days & at the same time gain something in return, & then on Sunday I shall dye & cut my hair for a new change. No idea as yet of how I shall style it, if anyone has suggestions it would be fab.
It's time to make long term goals a reality. I've been made old enough to.
Thinking very seriously about visiting my friends scattered across the globe starting next year. I am thinking very seriously about wanting to meet my boyfriend next year because it would be 4 years knowing him, but I have to hold that back because it would be ungentlemanly of him to have the lady come over to his side of the planet...unless of course he is a lady.
In fact, I can save up in 3 months for a return ticket if I'm dedicated enough. & I really want to. But I won't. Not until... he's very sure.
The last time I was very sure of him I was grenaded.
Come on, my birthday 'gift' was a single biscuit out of a plastic with 10 candles on. *laughs*
I do appreciate it, as much as compared to everyone's else gifts, it was miniature. I admit I felt a little undervalued by my most valued person, but hey... it's the thought that counted. =)
But I'm very sure what I want, & that is to travel. & I will get what I want.
By next year I'm making sure that I'll meet at least 1 of my mates in their home country.
The only reason I don't want to miss I'm afraid that if I'm there, when I do things for people to the extremes, and I will when I feel they deserve it, they'll stare at me straight in the eye and turn their backs to me. Especially when people are judgmental at first glances.
& I don't think I had recovered fully from the fear of giving my all to someone who never intended to even appreciate and return what I've given them in their own accord.
Coincidentally Kelvin called to hang out at RP tomos for no particular reason, but knowing him he does have a reason (mainly because he needs company to do something really silly that he doesn't dare doing on his own).
Maybe that might cheer me up, having real company.
Grenade
Bruno Mars
Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no
I didn't attend work at the Paiza Club just now because I felt feeling freakish.
Been feeling that way the whole day, spiritless, listless, empty physically & emotionally, nothing to cheer me up. Even whatever I ate did not feel fulfilling. & it should be alarming that my AED interview is tomorrow, yet I'm not even ready & rehearsed, let alone alarmed.
What I did the last few days will be up on Facebook as pictures.
I'm just too... apathetic... to describe everything. Yeah my birthday was the best of my 21 years of life, considering that I'm still living even after being diagnosed dying around this time, & my mates had made sure it was the best ever. I had bought/made/wrapped/ sent half of the Christmas presents for my mates everywhere, & there's still half to go to the UK & parts of the US.
I'm planning to work my arse off the week just to waste away the days & at the same time gain something in return, & then on Sunday I shall dye & cut my hair for a new change. No idea as yet of how I shall style it, if anyone has suggestions it would be fab.
It's time to make long term goals a reality. I've been made old enough to.
Thinking very seriously about visiting my friends scattered across the globe starting next year. I am thinking very seriously about wanting to meet my boyfriend next year because it would be 4 years knowing him, but I have to hold that back because it would be ungentlemanly of him to have the lady come over to his side of the planet...unless of course he is a lady.
In fact, I can save up in 3 months for a return ticket if I'm dedicated enough. & I really want to. But I won't. Not until... he's very sure.
The last time I was very sure of him I was grenaded.
Come on, my birthday 'gift' was a single biscuit out of a plastic with 10 candles on. *laughs*
I do appreciate it, as much as compared to everyone's else gifts, it was miniature. I admit I felt a little undervalued by my most valued person, but hey... it's the thought that counted. =)
But I'm very sure what I want, & that is to travel. & I will get what I want.
By next year I'm making sure that I'll meet at least 1 of my mates in their home country.
The only reason I don't want to miss I'm afraid that if I'm there, when I do things for people to the extremes, and I will when I feel they deserve it, they'll stare at me straight in the eye and turn their backs to me. Especially when people are judgmental at first glances.
& I don't think I had recovered fully from the fear of giving my all to someone who never intended to even appreciate and return what I've given them in their own accord.
Coincidentally Kelvin called to hang out at RP tomos for no particular reason, but knowing him he does have a reason (mainly because he needs company to do something really silly that he doesn't dare doing on his own).
Maybe that might cheer me up, having real company.
Grenade
Bruno Mars
Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no
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