NOW i can sing...
Dear Diary,
now my mom encourages me to sing and play the guitar. She said to learn some more songs and play them for me and sing them for me too. And she's always saying "you're sad? go sing! go play your guitar."
When I was growing up, my dad would yell and scream and beat me and my sister because we would record ourselves singing. singing was NOT allowed in our household while growing up. the only thing I was allowed to do was study and play the damn violin.
why wasnt I forced to play the guitar? oh, orchestra is good, guitar music is bad....
oh well. at least now I'm free. I'm free to do whatever I wish with my time. FREE....nobody to answer to, nothing expected of me anymore. THANK GOD!
I dont have to work. I dont have to make plans. I dont have to do anything. I can sleep all day if I wanted to. I can fuck around online. I can go out anytime anyplace anywhere. I'm FREE. FREE AT LAST!
for a while, I kept myself a prisoner. I made my own prison and lived inside it. Trapped. Bounded by boundaries and chores and obligations. Stuck with boyfriends that I revolve my life around. my life was whenever boyfriend gets to spend time with me. I'd follow him like a doggie. That was my life. A PRISON I made for myself.
Waited till he slept before I took my sleep meds in case he wanted sex.
forced myself to do awful housechores just so I can get that "good job, thank you" hug from him.
kept myself busy like it's a chore until I get to see him again. wait all day for him to come home from work hoping he'd get home a tiny bit earlier so we can have more time together.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I MADE MYSELF A PRISON AND LIVED INSIDE IT!!!!
I shall free myself from everything and do anything I want anytime I want anywhere I want.
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee.... I just want to be me, when I can, I will.
now my mom encourages me to sing and play the guitar. She said to learn some more songs and play them for me and sing them for me too. And she's always saying "you're sad? go sing! go play your guitar."
When I was growing up, my dad would yell and scream and beat me and my sister because we would record ourselves singing. singing was NOT allowed in our household while growing up. the only thing I was allowed to do was study and play the damn violin.
why wasnt I forced to play the guitar? oh, orchestra is good, guitar music is bad....
oh well. at least now I'm free. I'm free to do whatever I wish with my time. FREE....nobody to answer to, nothing expected of me anymore. THANK GOD!
I dont have to work. I dont have to make plans. I dont have to do anything. I can sleep all day if I wanted to. I can fuck around online. I can go out anytime anyplace anywhere. I'm FREE. FREE AT LAST!
for a while, I kept myself a prisoner. I made my own prison and lived inside it. Trapped. Bounded by boundaries and chores and obligations. Stuck with boyfriends that I revolve my life around. my life was whenever boyfriend gets to spend time with me. I'd follow him like a doggie. That was my life. A PRISON I made for myself.
Waited till he slept before I took my sleep meds in case he wanted sex.
forced myself to do awful housechores just so I can get that "good job, thank you" hug from him.
kept myself busy like it's a chore until I get to see him again. wait all day for him to come home from work hoping he'd get home a tiny bit earlier so we can have more time together.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I MADE MYSELF A PRISON AND LIVED INSIDE IT!!!!
I shall free myself from everything and do anything I want anytime I want anywhere I want.
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee.... I just want to be me, when I can, I will.