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I finally realized why I decided that it was better for Marc and I to not talk at all than to talk and stay friends. I did it because “it is better for me to suffer alone than for anyone to have to hear about my problems and suffer with me.” If I have problems and going through hard times, I rather do it alone. I don’t want anyone to know about
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Oh, I understand that feeling all too well. My father and I haven't spoken much since I left with my younger brother when I was 15. My last contact with him was in Nov 2001 when I tried to resolve some things between us. All he and my step-mother wanted to do was lay the blame for all their failures either at my feet or at my mother's. Lovely people, no?
There is absolutely nothing you can do about them. If they are out of your life then they are. It sucks, I know all to well. And I know all about being alone for years at a time. You have two choices, survive or not. I think you are going to survive, even if it does suck majorly. It gets better eventually, but you need to sort yourself out first.
The car is a good start. You need to be able to get yourself around indepenently. The one thing I truly feel you need to consentrate on is the PTSD. I know all about it and still have to deal with it and I'm 39. Some scars you never lose, but you can learn to accept them.
Don't lose you culture. If you can speak Chinese, don't let your parents have that. Make that special skill your own. I wish I were fluent in another language. kyburg and I have been working on Japanese, but we are a long way away from being fluent. Still, I can ask where the bathroom is... ^^
You will have to do a lot of things for yourself, but there will be friends that will appear along the way who will help. Even if it is to listen to you complain and nod sympathetically.
Hang in there. You will survive. You just may not enjoy it in the short run.
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