[The taste of her... was just how he remembered. Angel pressed into the kiss, deepening it but still keeping it slow, sensual. He'd waited for this, denied himself this for so long, he was going to savor it. God, he loved her, he loved everything about her. Time had dulled his memory, softened the sharp edges of the pain being away from her caused, but now he remembered.
She fit perfectly into his arms. She always had, like she was meant to be there, completing him. Angel cupped the side of her head with one hand, while the other he wound around her waist, pulling her against him. He felt her hand sliding along his shirt, but thought it was nothing more than innocent hands exploring... until he felt the first brush of cold air, followed by the incredible heat of Buffy's skin as she slid her dainty fingers under the cloth, caressing his chest.
Angel forced himself away from her mouth, resting his forehead against hers. The arm around her waist he moved to gently press her hand flat against his chest, stilling the very distracting and erotic caresses.] Buffy... God, Buffy.
[Angel rocked his head gently side-to-side, still pressed against hers.] We can't... We-- I, don't want to take advantage of you. [Thinking back on the last few minutes, as well as how she was likely to take his words, he smiled wryly.] At this point, I'm actually a little afraid you're gonna take advantage of me. [And he was only half-joking.] But, no matter how we feel, about each other... the fact is, you're not even sixteen yet, and in the eyes of the law, I could get into very serious trouble.
[He wasn't worried about the law, or-- well, a little worried about her parents. Mostly, he was trying to appeal to Buffy on a level she might respect, and not just 'you're too young.' She played the age card either way, depending on what she wanted, and he knew she would try to say she wasn't a little kid, or she was mature for her age, or something.]
[She wanted to trace every outline of his body with her fingers and etch it all into her memory. Already she was taking in his scent. Taking in the way his fingers burned against her heated flesh. Angel's skin was a contrast to hers. His felt like an icy hot, beautifully delicious compared to her fire blazing own. Opposites that worked wonderfully.
Catching sight of what the open shirt now revealed, Buffy shuddered against the wall and Angel. She was even putty in his hands with just a glance. He didn't need to do much else and she was at his mercy.
With the sudden and unexpected stop of her fingers roaming Angel's broad chest, she swallowed hard. Trying to form any audible sentence. Hell! a word would even work right now. Oh, but he had all the right words. Her name. Over his lips and brushing against her skin, she once more shivered in delightful enjoyment. His next words brought her out of the trance.]
It looks like we're pretty much even. You certainly don't have any advantage over me in this, Angel.
[Hearing him mention that she seemed the one taking the advantage approach, Buffy grinned sheepishly.
A grin that left as fast as it had come.]
I won't tell if you won't.
[She knew very well how much that card wouldn't favor in court, should they be caught ever. So, with a heavy heart, Buffy nodded in compliance and dropped her hands from his chest, but not before she gave Angel a gentle push forward.
Even as her body screamed at her for what she'd just done; pushing him away, she averted making any eye contact whatsoever for the time being. Instead focusing on her somewhat wrinkled shirt.]
I'm sorry. I don't want to get you in any kind of trouble. Especially not that kind. It's just that...
[Finding the courage to finally look up at him, she speaks softly. As if her words might haunt him. Heaven only knows how very true that is.]
When you kiss me I want to...
[The last word hung on the tip of her tongue. Only something inside her made her stop there and let it go.]
["This isn't some fairy tale! When I kiss you, you don't wake up from some deep sleep to live happily ever after!"
"No. When you kiss me, I wanna die."
Buffy's words from so many years ago echoed in Angel's head, strangely echoed by this Buffy as well. It was all-consuming, what they had, and the only respite they had would be death. Like moths drawn to a flame, they were helpless to resist the pull of the other. They couldn't stay away from each other, yet they couldn't be together, either. It had been one of the reasons he'd left Sunnydale, too afraid to stay and jeopardize his soul, should they even once lose their fight to passion.
But, this wasn't Sunnydale, and he had nothing to lose to passion.
But Buffy was young. Too young and naive to understand that the path they were on could only lead to one place, and it wasn't somewhere he would take her so quickly. When she was older, more capable of making her own choices about her body... If she still wanted her first time to be with him...
He would have to tell her what he was, before then. He wouldn't have her making such a large decision based on only half the facts.
But not now. Not when she knew nothing of the dark, secret world he was forced to live in. She was his connection to the light, and while he knew eventually she would be forced into his world, he would not be the one to do that to her.
Angel looked down, ostensibly to button up his shirt.] I'd better get you home, before... I'll take you home.
[Gradually her heart stopped racing a mile a minute. Her breathing became normal and her focus was on trying to resist him. Not trying to capture him and let passion run wild.
God! What was she thinking? He was older than she was and he'd very well be in jail if anyone caught wind of what they were doing.
She refused to let anything like that happen to him. Especially because she was too selfish to wait.
This was not going to be easy. Not by a long shot. Her body had a taste of him and simply craved more.
With a hand combing through her hair, working out any tangles in it, she nodded at his offer.]
Yeah, I should definitely get home. I need a cold shower after that.
[Oh my god, did she just say that... out loud? Her hands immediately came up to her face to hide the blush that spread to even her chest.
Foot, meet mouth. The two of you are going to know each other more as long as Angel was in her life.]
Maybe we need to set borders? Because as much as I liked that... there's no way I want you going to jail for it.
[Flashbacks. The longer this continued, the more he was having. First, they couldn't be together because of his curse, now they couldn't be together because she was too young. They had to set boundaries on what they could and couldn't do together. Christ on a cross.]
Yeah, boundaries. [He ran a hand through his hair in agitation.] Buffy, I-- care, about you. A lot. [He wasn't sure why he didn't tell her he loved her, but something stopped him.] And, I'm gonna, help you, however you need me to. But, this-- [He motioned between them to indicate the passionate kiss,] --can't happen again.
We're just friends, alright? That's all we can be.
[You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be 'just friends.' Dammit, he hated when Spike was right.]
[If a heart could crack into a million pieces, hers would have at that very moment. When she insisted on borders, she meant where they could go physically and not cross the line where Angel would be in any sort of harms way should they ever be found out.
But when he told her, point blank, that they could only ever be friends, a part of her died.
Inside she raged. Screaming her objection at him. Trying to find out why he would even think such a thing. Let alone say it? Chalking up everything being bottled inside, Buffy pressed her lips into a fine thin white line and nodded. Her words were sharp when they finally did come out.]
Got it. Just friends, Angel.
[Slipping off from against the wall, Buffy skirted around Angel, shoulder brushing his arm as she did so. Her head held high as if she just lost a battle and couldn't admit defeat entirely. Once a few feet from him, she turned on the balls of her feet to face him, her arms now over her chest and a hardened expression greeting him.]
Don't worry about walking me home. I can manage there by myself. Besides, wouldn't want anyone to see us and get the wrong idea... friend. [Yes, Angel, have a delicious side of guilt, pain and immature Buffy to follow that passionate kiss.]
[Angel called himself several dozen kinds of stupid idiot. He should have known... Known what, exactly? That she fucking idolized him, and he'd be breaking her heart? Duh! He watched her eyes grow slightly wide, before she firmed her lips together.
Her arm brushed against his as she skirted past him, and Angel briefly closed his eyes in chagrin. He turned around to follow her, only to have her spin around and face him. He couldn't help but clench his jaw angrily at her words and tone of voice.]
[She was hurt and she had to lash out at the source. When something seemed to go right for her, turned to shit all too quickly lately. He seemed to be the one solid in her life and he went and shook the foundation from under her. She saw how he clenched his jaw. He was mad. Good! He deserved it. If only he felt half as angry and hurt as she did.
A short laugh.]
That's rich. You don't want me to get hurt. [What did he think he just did by saying they were only able to be friends?!]
Too late. [Buffy took in a deep breath and shook her head in disappointment.] Whatever. I'm fine walking home. I'll just make sure not to follow the wrong signs and end up at another juncture like this. [She had to turn now and start walking away. Afraid she'd crumble and apologize to him when she wasn't at fault for any of this. He provoked this reaction by his own actions.] I can handle myself. [An arm was thrown in the air as she headed down the empty street.]
[He wanted... God. He wanted to shake her, maybe knock some sense loose in that head of hers. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to fight her, a knock-down, drag-out, physical ass-kicking, that would make both of them feel better.
Except it wouldn't make her feel better. Because she wasn't the Slayer. So all he could do was act sullen. He almost followed after her, grabbed her arm and proved to her that she couldn't handle everything the night hid in its midst.
But he didn't. He hung back, watching her cross under a streetlight, and began following her in the shadows.]
[She made sure not to march. A typical play by a teenage girl that wanted the guy to follow her. Only her guy didn't. Casting a glance over her should in spy, Buffy found the street behind her empty. It looked as if he had just vanished.
Fine. She could deal with that. At least he wouldn't follow her and aggravate her all the more. Funny how she instantly changed her mind to fit the situation. But Lord knows she couldn't handle any more stress or bad news.
Hugging her arms around her chest tightly, Buffy now walked faster. A knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Whether it was an indicator of Slayer instincts picking up the presence of a vampire and of being hunted almost, without the danger or of something else entirely, was unknown to the blonde. Dodging across traffic, weaving passed parked cars and ignoring the sounds of dogs barking, Buffy walked in silence. All of the five minutes until she arrived home. Silently she climbed the steps of her house.
Pausing with her hand to the knob, other hand digging in her bag to find the key, she listened. The sounds of arguing clearly audible even from behind a closed solid wood door. Names were being thrown around freely, without any remorse. Things were also being thrown and she flinched back when she heard something crash against the wall. Her mother the one breaking items. Calling Hank out of his infidelity. Telling him that she didn't need his guilt gifts. Hank yelling that she wasn't even a good mother, how could she be a good wife. Which of course brought up their oldest daughter's name.
Stepping back from the door, Buffy turned and headed for the driveway, pushing the gate open and going for the only sanctuary she had. The tree house. She'd heard enough about how each blamed Buffy's outrageous and horrible behavior on the other.
Finally making her way up into the spacey tree house, she let it all out. She couldn't stop the tears had she any reason to. The strength wasn't there. So all she could do was draw her knees to her chest and hug herself. It was getting harder to smile and pretend everything was alright when it wasn't even close.]
[Any lingering anger Angel had felt toward Buffy's childish behavior died as he heard her parents' raised voices from inside the house. He may have sensitive hearing, but it was obvious they weren't being quiet, and even Buffy could hear them. He watched as, after her name was yelled, she drew her hand away from the door as if burned. He couldn't see her eyes, but he could see how upset she was.
He watched as she headed into the backyard, and silently followed behind her.
When he saw her climb up into the tree house, he'd planned to merely stand guard by the base, to make sure no wandering vampire caught her scent, or-- he'd just planned on standing sentinel.
But when he'd heard her first soft, breathy sob, he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't just stand by and let her cry. He'd seen her cry, been the cause of her tears, too many times already. Swiftly and silently, he climbed the planks of wood that made the stairs, and was inside the tree house within a moment.
Buffy was sat in the middle, curled into a ball and crying into her knees.
Hoping she wouldn't push him away, Angel sat down beside her, going to wrap his arm around her shoulder.] Buffy...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, darlin'. Com'ere. [He was chagrined to hear his native Irish accent begin to lilt his words, coming out as it always did when his emotions ran high.]
[She heard her name spoken in that oh so familiar voice and she looked up. It was as if Heaven answered her prayer. Because silently she had wished he was there. When she looked up, she briefly caught him standing there through glazed over with tear filled eyes, some had yet to fall. Earlier she had tried so hard to be the adult with Angel. Desperately wanting him to see her in a different light. But that hadn't fared well.
Now, she was the epitome of what a child was. Broken and lost. Curled into herself both inside and out.
With a face stained with tears, she turned to him and buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing uncontrollably.
Clinging to him for dear life, Buffy's smaller body shook violently with each sob being choked out. Months of listening to how she was this and that from her parents, to hearing the way they both lost respect for one another just reached it's breaking point. All the bottled emotions spilled over the surface in waves. Taking Buffy with them as they crashed against Angel's solid frame.]
I'm sorry. Angel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry.
[She pitifully apologized. Her voice meek and timid. Almost as if she was unsure the words would even come out.
And she was.
Sorry for what she said to him.
Sorry for making him angry.
Sorry for walking away.
Sorry for crumbling under the pressure and turning into a weeping kid in his arms.
[Buffy turned into his arms and sobbed against him, and Angel wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She started apologizing through her tears, and Angel pulled her more tightly against him, finally shifting her until she was curled sideways on his lap.]
No, Buffy... Don't apologize. You shouldn't have to apologize... for how you feel.
I'm sorry. I, what I said, earlier... I don't wanna be friends, it's just... it's either all, or nothing for me, with you, and, we can't afford all, not now, not yet...
[Angel kissed her forehead several times, rubbing her back soothingly.]
She fit perfectly into his arms. She always had, like she was meant to be there, completing him. Angel cupped the side of her head with one hand, while the other he wound around her waist, pulling her against him. He felt her hand sliding along his shirt, but thought it was nothing more than innocent hands exploring... until he felt the first brush of cold air, followed by the incredible heat of Buffy's skin as she slid her dainty fingers under the cloth, caressing his chest.
Angel forced himself away from her mouth, resting his forehead against hers. The arm around her waist he moved to gently press her hand flat against his chest, stilling the very distracting and erotic caresses.] Buffy... God, Buffy.
[Angel rocked his head gently side-to-side, still pressed against hers.] We can't... We-- I, don't want to take advantage of you. [Thinking back on the last few minutes, as well as how she was likely to take his words, he smiled wryly.] At this point, I'm actually a little afraid you're gonna take advantage of me. [And he was only half-joking.] But, no matter how we feel, about each other... the fact is, you're not even sixteen yet, and in the eyes of the law, I could get into very serious trouble.
[He wasn't worried about the law, or-- well, a little worried about her parents. Mostly, he was trying to appeal to Buffy on a level she might respect, and not just 'you're too young.' She played the age card either way, depending on what she wanted, and he knew she would try to say she wasn't a little kid, or she was mature for her age, or something.]
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Catching sight of what the open shirt now revealed, Buffy shuddered against the wall and Angel. She was even putty in his hands with just a glance. He didn't need to do much else and she was at his mercy.
With the sudden and unexpected stop of her fingers roaming Angel's broad chest, she swallowed hard. Trying to form any audible sentence. Hell! a word would even work right now. Oh, but he had all the right words. Her name. Over his lips and brushing against her skin, she once more shivered in delightful enjoyment. His next words brought her out of the trance.]
It looks like we're pretty much even. You certainly don't have any advantage over me in this, Angel.
[Hearing him mention that she seemed the one taking the advantage approach, Buffy grinned sheepishly.
A grin that left as fast as it had come.]
I won't tell if you won't.
[She knew very well how much that card wouldn't favor in court, should they be caught ever. So, with a heavy heart, Buffy nodded in compliance and dropped her hands from his chest, but not before she gave Angel a gentle push forward.
Even as her body screamed at her for what she'd just done; pushing him away, she averted making any eye contact whatsoever for the time being. Instead focusing on her somewhat wrinkled shirt.]
I'm sorry. I don't want to get you in any kind of trouble. Especially not that kind. It's just that...
[Finding the courage to finally look up at him, she speaks softly. As if her words might haunt him. Heaven only knows how very true that is.]
When you kiss me I want to...
[The last word hung on the tip of her tongue. Only something inside her made her stop there and let it go.]
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"No. When you kiss me, I wanna die."
Buffy's words from so many years ago echoed in Angel's head, strangely echoed by this Buffy as well. It was all-consuming, what they had, and the only respite they had would be death. Like moths drawn to a flame, they were helpless to resist the pull of the other. They couldn't stay away from each other, yet they couldn't be together, either. It had been one of the reasons he'd left Sunnydale, too afraid to stay and jeopardize his soul, should they even once lose their fight to passion.
But, this wasn't Sunnydale, and he had nothing to lose to passion.
But Buffy was young. Too young and naive to understand that the path they were on could only lead to one place, and it wasn't somewhere he would take her so quickly. When she was older, more capable of making her own choices about her body... If she still wanted her first time to be with him...
He would have to tell her what he was, before then. He wouldn't have her making such a large decision based on only half the facts.
But not now. Not when she knew nothing of the dark, secret world he was forced to live in. She was his connection to the light, and while he knew eventually she would be forced into his world, he would not be the one to do that to her.
Angel looked down, ostensibly to button up his shirt.] I'd better get you home, before... I'll take you home.
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God! What was she thinking? He was older than she was and he'd very well be in jail if anyone caught wind of what they were doing.
She refused to let anything like that happen to him. Especially because she was too selfish to wait.
This was not going to be easy. Not by a long shot. Her body had a taste of him and simply craved more.
With a hand combing through her hair, working out any tangles in it, she nodded at his offer.]
Yeah, I should definitely get home. I need a cold shower after that.
[Oh my god, did she just say that... out loud? Her hands immediately came up to her face to hide the blush that spread to even her chest.
Foot, meet mouth. The two of you are going to know each other more as long as Angel was in her life.]
Maybe we need to set borders? Because as much as I liked that... there's no way I want you going to jail for it.
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Yeah, boundaries. [He ran a hand through his hair in agitation.] Buffy, I-- care, about you. A lot. [He wasn't sure why he didn't tell her he loved her, but something stopped him.] And, I'm gonna, help you, however you need me to. But, this-- [He motioned between them to indicate the passionate kiss,] --can't happen again.
We're just friends, alright? That's all we can be.
[You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be 'just friends.' Dammit, he hated when Spike was right.]
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But when he told her, point blank, that they could only ever be friends, a part of her died.
Inside she raged. Screaming her objection at him. Trying to find out why he would even think such a thing. Let alone say it? Chalking up everything being bottled inside, Buffy pressed her lips into a fine thin white line and nodded. Her words were sharp when they finally did come out.]
Got it. Just friends, Angel.
[Slipping off from against the wall, Buffy skirted around Angel, shoulder brushing his arm as she did so. Her head held high as if she just lost a battle and couldn't admit defeat entirely. Once a few feet from him, she turned on the balls of her feet to face him, her arms now over her chest and a hardened expression greeting him.]
Don't worry about walking me home. I can manage there by myself. Besides, wouldn't want anyone to see us and get the wrong idea... friend. [Yes, Angel, have a delicious side of guilt, pain and immature Buffy to follow that passionate kiss.]
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Her arm brushed against his as she skirted past him, and Angel briefly closed his eyes in chagrin. He turned around to follow her, only to have her spin around and face him. He couldn't help but clench his jaw angrily at her words and tone of voice.]
It's dark outside, I don't want you to get hurt.
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A short laugh.]
That's rich. You don't want me to get hurt. [What did he think he just did by saying they were only able to be friends?!]
Too late. [Buffy took in a deep breath and shook her head in disappointment.] Whatever. I'm fine walking home. I'll just make sure not to follow the wrong signs and end up at another juncture like this. [She had to turn now and start walking away. Afraid she'd crumble and apologize to him when she wasn't at fault for any of this. He provoked this reaction by his own actions.] I can handle myself. [An arm was thrown in the air as she headed down the empty street.]
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Except it wouldn't make her feel better. Because she wasn't the Slayer. So all he could do was act sullen. He almost followed after her, grabbed her arm and proved to her that she couldn't handle everything the night hid in its midst.
But he didn't. He hung back, watching her cross under a streetlight, and began following her in the shadows.]
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Fine. She could deal with that. At least he wouldn't follow her and aggravate her all the more. Funny how she instantly changed her mind to fit the situation. But Lord knows she couldn't handle any more stress or bad news.
Hugging her arms around her chest tightly, Buffy now walked faster. A knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Whether it was an indicator of Slayer instincts picking up the presence of a vampire and of being hunted almost, without the danger or of something else entirely, was unknown to the blonde. Dodging across traffic, weaving passed parked cars and ignoring the sounds of dogs barking, Buffy walked in silence. All of the five minutes until she arrived home. Silently she climbed the steps of her house.
Pausing with her hand to the knob, other hand digging in her bag to find the key, she listened. The sounds of arguing clearly audible even from behind a closed solid wood door. Names were being thrown around freely, without any remorse. Things were also being thrown and she flinched back when she heard something crash against the wall. Her mother the one breaking items. Calling Hank out of his infidelity. Telling him that she didn't need his guilt gifts. Hank yelling that she wasn't even a good mother, how could she be a good wife. Which of course brought up their oldest daughter's name.
Stepping back from the door, Buffy turned and headed for the driveway, pushing the gate open and going for the only sanctuary she had. The tree house. She'd heard enough about how each blamed Buffy's outrageous and horrible behavior on the other.
Finally making her way up into the spacey tree house, she let it all out. She couldn't stop the tears had she any reason to. The strength wasn't there. So all she could do was draw her knees to her chest and hug herself. It was getting harder to smile and pretend everything was alright when it wasn't even close.]
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He watched as she headed into the backyard, and silently followed behind her.
When he saw her climb up into the tree house, he'd planned to merely stand guard by the base, to make sure no wandering vampire caught her scent, or-- he'd just planned on standing sentinel.
But when he'd heard her first soft, breathy sob, he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't just stand by and let her cry. He'd seen her cry, been the cause of her tears, too many times already. Swiftly and silently, he climbed the planks of wood that made the stairs, and was inside the tree house within a moment.
Buffy was sat in the middle, curled into a ball and crying into her knees.
Hoping she wouldn't push him away, Angel sat down beside her, going to wrap his arm around her shoulder.] Buffy...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, darlin'. Com'ere. [He was chagrined to hear his native Irish accent begin to lilt his words, coming out as it always did when his emotions ran high.]
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Now, she was the epitome of what a child was. Broken and lost. Curled into herself both inside and out.
With a face stained with tears, she turned to him and buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing uncontrollably.
Clinging to him for dear life, Buffy's smaller body shook violently with each sob being choked out. Months of listening to how she was this and that from her parents, to hearing the way they both lost respect for one another just reached it's breaking point. All the bottled emotions spilled over the surface in waves. Taking Buffy with them as they crashed against Angel's solid frame.]
I'm sorry. Angel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry.
[She pitifully apologized. Her voice meek and timid. Almost as if she was unsure the words would even come out.
And she was.
Sorry for what she said to him.
Sorry for making him angry.
Sorry for walking away.
Sorry for crumbling under the pressure and turning into a weeping kid in his arms.
Sorry for letting her parents do this to her.
Sorry for it all being her fault.]
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No, Buffy... Don't apologize. You shouldn't have to apologize... for how you feel.
I'm sorry. I, what I said, earlier... I don't wanna be friends, it's just... it's either all, or nothing for me, with you, and, we can't afford all, not now, not yet...
[Angel kissed her forehead several times, rubbing her back soothingly.]
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