To say that th'past few days have been stressful would be a gross understatement...
Anybody out there remember Chapter 67 of my LJ? If you don't you should check it out...it tells about this time i visited a palm reader and had kinda a weird reading...
Well, basically it said that two girls from my past would try to make a play to come back into my life....and that's exactly what happened...
it all started a lil' while ago when i called Star...actually i called dorthy and she informed me that Star wanted t'talk to me...we ended up talkin' for a couple hours, and this is all in m'LJ already...but th'point is that i kept th'talkin' goin' on...then she let it be known that she missed me and was thinkin' about tryin' t'make another go at us gettin' back together....which, due to my extreme lonliness, i was considerin' (red, bite your tounge, i don't wanna hear it ;P)...and no sooner did i start to consider it than i get a huge wrench thrown in....as another "visage from my past popped back up"...
Darla
and i know th'last time i talked about Darla in here, it wasn't th'happiest of entries...i was hurt cuz i had my lil' fantasy of a "perfect reunion" shattered, and i wigged....it happens....
newayz, where Star was doing the whole "not wantin' to rush into anything, let's be buds first and see where it goes" Darla was point blank "You and me have unfinished business (in a good way) and i'm not lettin' anything stop me from getting you back"...despite how much i wanted to pretend to the contrary, that kind of attention suddenly coming my way was intoxicating....
but none th'less, it was confusing because me and Star were actually on good terms again...she was talkin' about comin' up here t'see me (she's liscensed now) and everything...and now my heart's torn in two different directions and 3 possible choices...Darla, Star, or neither (which beleive it or not i was considering).....
to make a long story less long, i woke up yesterday morning deciding on the 3rd option...i wasn't goin' to choose either of them at this time...in my opinion there was no point...they both lived in SC (although Star let it slip that she was plannin' on relocatin' somewhere, and just needed a destination), so it's not like i can say "ok, i'm choosin' you, we're a couple now" cuz as much as we all know, the long-distance thing rarely works out...not to mention i had my reserves 'bout gettin' with either one of 'em....me and Star...well, most of you know how that turned out...but i was really hurt by the email Darla sent me, and then her movin' on in spite of it....
so i decided to tell 'em both that i wasn't pickin' either one of 'em..and told Star first....she said that wasn't fair to either party involved, because i technically had 2 people that were waitin' on an answer regardless and it wasn't fair for me to lead 'em on..she also said that she was going to bow out and let Darla be my choice...that she was just going to be my friend, and if anything should come of it later (she really didn't have much faith in the me/Darla pairing) then all the better..i responded to that by sayin' it doesn't work that way...you can't do the "be friends with the notion of bein' more" without the purest of intentions...i mean you can, but you're technically not being true about it...the whole "good friends make good lovers" thing may be true, but only if they were really friends...if the only reason you're bein' that person's friend is because you wanna be with them, then you're scrwein' the whole process up and will in turn lose it all...but then after talkin' to me a bit she asked me to really stop and think if i could see her and i being anything more than friends (despite her sayin' that's truly all she wanted)....and i had to tell her the truth...i didn't....
this in turn made her get all teary and then told me she didn't know if she would be willing to talk to me again...big shock...she couldn't even be honest to me in that....i guess i can't say i'm surprised....very few in my life have been 100% honest to me...why should i be surprised now?
So basically, while i haven't decided to pursue anything yet with Darla, she is as of now running uncontested.....if i thought we really had a shot, then i'd consider it...but right now it just wouldn't work out....i dunno, maybe i'm wrong....we'll see....
....oh, and by th'way...i got Angel season 5 in th'mail a couple days ago....I now own the entire series...(and this also bought red some time since i know she still hasn't sent my Smallville dvd's yet *grr*)....
-Just a lil' trip inside my head...hope you enjoyed the ride...
Well, basically it said that two girls from my past would try to make a play to come back into my life....and that's exactly what happened...
it all started a lil' while ago when i called Star...actually i called dorthy and she informed me that Star wanted t'talk to me...we ended up talkin' for a couple hours, and this is all in m'LJ already...but th'point is that i kept th'talkin' goin' on...then she let it be known that she missed me and was thinkin' about tryin' t'make another go at us gettin' back together....which, due to my extreme lonliness, i was considerin' (red, bite your tounge, i don't wanna hear it ;P)...and no sooner did i start to consider it than i get a huge wrench thrown in....as another "visage from my past popped back up"...
Darla
and i know th'last time i talked about Darla in here, it wasn't th'happiest of entries...i was hurt cuz i had my lil' fantasy of a "perfect reunion" shattered, and i wigged....it happens....
newayz, where Star was doing the whole "not wantin' to rush into anything, let's be buds first and see where it goes" Darla was point blank "You and me have unfinished business (in a good way) and i'm not lettin' anything stop me from getting you back"...despite how much i wanted to pretend to the contrary, that kind of attention suddenly coming my way was intoxicating....
but none th'less, it was confusing because me and Star were actually on good terms again...she was talkin' about comin' up here t'see me (she's liscensed now) and everything...and now my heart's torn in two different directions and 3 possible choices...Darla, Star, or neither (which beleive it or not i was considering).....
to make a long story less long, i woke up yesterday morning deciding on the 3rd option...i wasn't goin' to choose either of them at this time...in my opinion there was no point...they both lived in SC (although Star let it slip that she was plannin' on relocatin' somewhere, and just needed a destination), so it's not like i can say "ok, i'm choosin' you, we're a couple now" cuz as much as we all know, the long-distance thing rarely works out...not to mention i had my reserves 'bout gettin' with either one of 'em....me and Star...well, most of you know how that turned out...but i was really hurt by the email Darla sent me, and then her movin' on in spite of it....
so i decided to tell 'em both that i wasn't pickin' either one of 'em..and told Star first....she said that wasn't fair to either party involved, because i technically had 2 people that were waitin' on an answer regardless and it wasn't fair for me to lead 'em on..she also said that she was going to bow out and let Darla be my choice...that she was just going to be my friend, and if anything should come of it later (she really didn't have much faith in the me/Darla pairing) then all the better..i responded to that by sayin' it doesn't work that way...you can't do the "be friends with the notion of bein' more" without the purest of intentions...i mean you can, but you're technically not being true about it...the whole "good friends make good lovers" thing may be true, but only if they were really friends...if the only reason you're bein' that person's friend is because you wanna be with them, then you're scrwein' the whole process up and will in turn lose it all...but then after talkin' to me a bit she asked me to really stop and think if i could see her and i being anything more than friends (despite her sayin' that's truly all she wanted)....and i had to tell her the truth...i didn't....
this in turn made her get all teary and then told me she didn't know if she would be willing to talk to me again...big shock...she couldn't even be honest to me in that....i guess i can't say i'm surprised....very few in my life have been 100% honest to me...why should i be surprised now?
So basically, while i haven't decided to pursue anything yet with Darla, she is as of now running uncontested.....if i thought we really had a shot, then i'd consider it...but right now it just wouldn't work out....i dunno, maybe i'm wrong....we'll see....
....oh, and by th'way...i got Angel season 5 in th'mail a couple days ago....I now own the entire series...(and this also bought red some time since i know she still hasn't sent my Smallville dvd's yet *grr*)....
-Just a lil' trip inside my head...hope you enjoyed the ride...