(shut up, i am bored and don't sleep.)
What did I do today? The same thing and I do every day. I woke up this morning pretty early as usual - and looked around for something to eat. There's never anything since my rooommate is a fucking pig um, leaves his stuff all over the floor (his clothes, his bong, his halo) and I don't feel like picking old pizza crusts off the carpet.
Then I went and ran out on the front lawn of heaven and fetched the morning paper for Mr. Demanding God. I gave it to him and he threw a lightning bolt for me so I could catch and return it. I don't mind that game, though my wings get kind of burned a lot since God has really shitty aim, but it's better than that game where a whole pack of us get given the scent of an unbeliever and we chase it through the forest and hound it down and bring it back so God can let Lucipher make an attractive throw rug out of it. Then I bought him his morning hot chocolate. How I hate that fucker!! He's always making me listen to his leik, omg, poetry - which is always about how everyone has sinned and can't be saved and so on. And he always wants to know if he can braid my hair. I'd kill him if jobs weren't getting so scarce these days, what with all these newly converted demons from Hell coming in and taking all the work from us proper angels. Also, Lucipher scares me.
Then it was mostly photocopying and making coffee for God, visiting pious peasants and retar- nice ladies, choir practice, singing at the gates of Heaven etc. etc, until my lunch break. Then I spent some time with my girlfriend who I am TOTALLY NOT MAKING UP, OK!? She is real. I mean. You all think you're sooooo good because you're God and Jeezus or whatever but I'm special too, ok!? And I do NOT have an inferiority complex. And if my girlfriend was real, I would totally NOT have met her on the St. John The Baptist message boards onlin- I mean. Her name's Francis. She used to be a nun. She's like, really hot and puts out. Because I am NOT a virgin. Will someone please be my friend?
Then I played drinking games with the other angels while watching all the Back To The Future movies in a row. Then it was Jeezus' bedtime, so I went and turned down his sheets for him and put a mint on the pillow. Pretty fucking interesting, right? Sometimes I wish I worked in Hell. Apparently they have lots of fun there. The only fun thing we ever do is around Jeezus' birthday when he has a big party and we all have a Secret Santa thing, only I always get stupid presents like rosaries and last year Jeezus threw up everywhere after he ate too much coloured frosting from the cake. I've never been able to get that stain out of my good white robe.
Go- dammit, I'm so bored. I'm going to join the Greek Pantheon and become the God of Hobbits or something if this doesn't get better soon.
Then I went and ran out on the front lawn of heaven and fetched the morning paper for Mr. Demanding God. I gave it to him and he threw a lightning bolt for me so I could catch and return it. I don't mind that game, though my wings get kind of burned a lot since God has really shitty aim, but it's better than that game where a whole pack of us get given the scent of an unbeliever and we chase it through the forest and hound it down and bring it back so God can let Lucipher make an attractive throw rug out of it. Then I bought him his morning hot chocolate. How I hate that fucker!! He's always making me listen to his leik, omg, poetry - which is always about how everyone has sinned and can't be saved and so on. And he always wants to know if he can braid my hair. I'd kill him if jobs weren't getting so scarce these days, what with all these newly converted demons from Hell coming in and taking all the work from us proper angels. Also, Lucipher scares me.
Then it was mostly photocopying and making coffee for God, visiting pious peasants and retar- nice ladies, choir practice, singing at the gates of Heaven etc. etc, until my lunch break. Then I spent some time with my girlfriend who I am TOTALLY NOT MAKING UP, OK!? She is real. I mean. You all think you're sooooo good because you're God and Jeezus or whatever but I'm special too, ok!? And I do NOT have an inferiority complex. And if my girlfriend was real, I would totally NOT have met her on the St. John The Baptist message boards onlin- I mean. Her name's Francis. She used to be a nun. She's like, really hot and puts out. Because I am NOT a virgin. Will someone please be my friend?
Then I played drinking games with the other angels while watching all the Back To The Future movies in a row. Then it was Jeezus' bedtime, so I went and turned down his sheets for him and put a mint on the pillow. Pretty fucking interesting, right? Sometimes I wish I worked in Hell. Apparently they have lots of fun there. The only fun thing we ever do is around Jeezus' birthday when he has a big party and we all have a Secret Santa thing, only I always get stupid presents like rosaries and last year Jeezus threw up everywhere after he ate too much coloured frosting from the cake. I've never been able to get that stain out of my good white robe.
Go- dammit, I'm so bored. I'm going to join the Greek Pantheon and become the God of Hobbits or something if this doesn't get better soon.