If your not this person keep your comments to your self. I dont care what you think
As you hoped I read yours....Im also hoping that you read this and fully understand everything that I say~
I read your livejournal as well as your comment back to mine. And you seem to be contradicting yourself in how you feel about me at a given moment. But thats your choice. I understand you crying cuz god knows I have over this. Yes my response was harsh but I cant help it that when I get hurt I say harsh things. You are just the same. Look at the reply you left me. It was harsh as well. Im sincerely sorry if I hurt you by my second response I never intentionally intended to hurt you. I didnt reply to that thinking, "How can I word this to make her feel like a knife is going through her heart..." NEVER. Believe it or not.
Yes the things you said about Jason hurt me and put me in the hardest position. I know/ knew you didnt like Jason. And I know you wanted me to be happy. I understood where you were coming from. A friend and all. Actually quite possibly my best friend.I accepted your opinion on me and him. But that doesnt mean it didnt phase me when you would say something about him or when he said anything about you. Truth be told each time he made a comment about you, the second I was alone with him, I told him to keep his comments to himself. That you were my friend and I didnt like it and that I get that neither of you liked one another but out of respect for me for him to be nice to you. Thats how much I cherrished your friendship. True, I never said anything to you about the things you said about him. Never. Even though it bugged me ( not hurt ) I knew thats just how you are. You are a very opinionated girl who isnt afaid to say whats going on. So I never said anything.
I was never accusing you of being a bad friend in my comment. I was just saying that it wasnt right to not go do something with Jennifer because I was gonna be there. And no I wasnt saying I am the center of your decisions or the only reason you didnt go. I actually wanted you to be there. A small part of me. I remember last year when me you and Jennifer went together. Minus Kevin and Jean....we had fun. I had no intentions of Saturday being anything but GREAT for everyone coming (including you and Ryan) I encouraged Jennifer to invite you. I asked her I believe Wednesday if she had asked you to come with us. She said no because she wasnt sure how I would take it or if I would care. I said I had no problem in the world with you. And I told her I believe 3 times to give you a call THAT night and invite you. After all it wasnt just me and Sabrinas friends who were invited it was everyones. When she came to school the next day....I figured you would say yes but to be sure I asked Jennifer. I wouldnt say I was pissed as I would say I was angery that you werent going. I asked her why and she said that you said it was becasue people were going that you dindt want to be around and you specifically mentioned me as being one of those people as well as two others. I didnt understand it. I didnt do anything to you. But I brushed it off. It was in 1st period that it got to me and I decided to go find you and ask you what the deal was. But I chickened out and didnt want more stuff to start so I forgot the idea. But I still later, decided to get on here and tell you that I didnt agree with you NOT going because I was gonna be there. I was responding based on what Jennifer told me. I know she wanted you to be there so I couldnt just ignore the fact that you werent gonna go. So I tryed to get you to the best way I knew how. *hint my comment first*
I have apologized over and over again about the thing with Kyle. I cant apolozie ne more you either of you. You both took it as something they werent. So I gave up trying to convince you that I was sorry for accusing you of not being my friend and standing up for me and I was sorry for everything. And I did make another entry or comment to one of yours when you spoke about standing up for me to Kyle when he said something when you were there. I said thank you and that it meant a lot to me. I dont know what you expect me to say further. I was hurt I felt you and him didnt care and werent a friend of mine any more. And when I found out that I was wrong I apologized. What else was I supposed to do??
I wasnt avoiding you at first. I always sat at that table in the morning. EVERY morning. When you didnt come over in the mornings I figured you were still mad at me. But I was helpless in trying to fix what I did. And then after a while it seemed like you were avoiding me so I get hurt and felt like doing the same. So when I saw you I walked the other way. When you came to the table I ignored you. When you walked to the table I got up and left to the library. I wasnt about to let you know that I was hurt.
I will admit right now that I was wrong as I have before. And for once I hope you read this and fully understand me when I say that. I can only say it so many times before its thought that I am just saying it. I dont want me saying I am sorry to be one of those things. Cuz its not. I am fully meaning it when I say it. I am 100% sorry for this whole thing. I dont know what else I can say.
WHen I spoke about you meaning nothing to me and just being another kid at school that is graduating....I didnt mean that. I was mad. I, like you say, am trying to get all my friends back. Or at least those that mean something to me. I have gotten Jennifer Theresa Jenna back.......now Im only missing you. And Ryan.....
One more thing...about the friendships of convienance.....we both know thats hurtful and completely wrong. Yes when I went to DBCC I did hang out with people from there. But thats because I was with you guys 90% of the school day. I could only spare time for the others in the morning. I hated it with a passion. I was getting "new friends" and ignoring my old ones. It HAD nothing to do with conveinance. AT ALL. I still talked ot them when I got on here or when I called them or they called me. I didnt spend time with anuy of you on thew weekends. I spent my weekends working and then saturday nights I go out with Jason. Thats how my life is STILL> I hated leaving DBCC. I knew when I did me and you wouldnt hang out any more and would loose touch ONCE AGAIN. I didnt want that. I cryed over that. I dindt want to lose your friendship once again. The others I didnt want to leave them either but you meant more. Believe it or not is your choice but its the truth. You were the only one who got me at times and was there for me even when you didnt understand where I was coming from. I never wanted to stop bieng friends with you. EVER~!!!!
What you decide to do with this is your choice. I have done and said all that I can and now its whatever goes. I sincerely hope that when you are done reading this you will no longer cry and will no long hate me. As I have never once hated you but have cryed due to some of the things you have said to me. That also goes to Ryan. It hurts to know that I am no longer apart of either of your lives. You guys were my best friends and I love you both to death. Please forgive me.
I read your livejournal as well as your comment back to mine. And you seem to be contradicting yourself in how you feel about me at a given moment. But thats your choice. I understand you crying cuz god knows I have over this. Yes my response was harsh but I cant help it that when I get hurt I say harsh things. You are just the same. Look at the reply you left me. It was harsh as well. Im sincerely sorry if I hurt you by my second response I never intentionally intended to hurt you. I didnt reply to that thinking, "How can I word this to make her feel like a knife is going through her heart..." NEVER. Believe it or not.
Yes the things you said about Jason hurt me and put me in the hardest position. I know/ knew you didnt like Jason. And I know you wanted me to be happy. I understood where you were coming from. A friend and all. Actually quite possibly my best friend.I accepted your opinion on me and him. But that doesnt mean it didnt phase me when you would say something about him or when he said anything about you. Truth be told each time he made a comment about you, the second I was alone with him, I told him to keep his comments to himself. That you were my friend and I didnt like it and that I get that neither of you liked one another but out of respect for me for him to be nice to you. Thats how much I cherrished your friendship. True, I never said anything to you about the things you said about him. Never. Even though it bugged me ( not hurt ) I knew thats just how you are. You are a very opinionated girl who isnt afaid to say whats going on. So I never said anything.
I was never accusing you of being a bad friend in my comment. I was just saying that it wasnt right to not go do something with Jennifer because I was gonna be there. And no I wasnt saying I am the center of your decisions or the only reason you didnt go. I actually wanted you to be there. A small part of me. I remember last year when me you and Jennifer went together. Minus Kevin and Jean....we had fun. I had no intentions of Saturday being anything but GREAT for everyone coming (including you and Ryan) I encouraged Jennifer to invite you. I asked her I believe Wednesday if she had asked you to come with us. She said no because she wasnt sure how I would take it or if I would care. I said I had no problem in the world with you. And I told her I believe 3 times to give you a call THAT night and invite you. After all it wasnt just me and Sabrinas friends who were invited it was everyones. When she came to school the next day....I figured you would say yes but to be sure I asked Jennifer. I wouldnt say I was pissed as I would say I was angery that you werent going. I asked her why and she said that you said it was becasue people were going that you dindt want to be around and you specifically mentioned me as being one of those people as well as two others. I didnt understand it. I didnt do anything to you. But I brushed it off. It was in 1st period that it got to me and I decided to go find you and ask you what the deal was. But I chickened out and didnt want more stuff to start so I forgot the idea. But I still later, decided to get on here and tell you that I didnt agree with you NOT going because I was gonna be there. I was responding based on what Jennifer told me. I know she wanted you to be there so I couldnt just ignore the fact that you werent gonna go. So I tryed to get you to the best way I knew how. *hint my comment first*
I have apologized over and over again about the thing with Kyle. I cant apolozie ne more you either of you. You both took it as something they werent. So I gave up trying to convince you that I was sorry for accusing you of not being my friend and standing up for me and I was sorry for everything. And I did make another entry or comment to one of yours when you spoke about standing up for me to Kyle when he said something when you were there. I said thank you and that it meant a lot to me. I dont know what you expect me to say further. I was hurt I felt you and him didnt care and werent a friend of mine any more. And when I found out that I was wrong I apologized. What else was I supposed to do??
I wasnt avoiding you at first. I always sat at that table in the morning. EVERY morning. When you didnt come over in the mornings I figured you were still mad at me. But I was helpless in trying to fix what I did. And then after a while it seemed like you were avoiding me so I get hurt and felt like doing the same. So when I saw you I walked the other way. When you came to the table I ignored you. When you walked to the table I got up and left to the library. I wasnt about to let you know that I was hurt.
I will admit right now that I was wrong as I have before. And for once I hope you read this and fully understand me when I say that. I can only say it so many times before its thought that I am just saying it. I dont want me saying I am sorry to be one of those things. Cuz its not. I am fully meaning it when I say it. I am 100% sorry for this whole thing. I dont know what else I can say.
WHen I spoke about you meaning nothing to me and just being another kid at school that is graduating....I didnt mean that. I was mad. I, like you say, am trying to get all my friends back. Or at least those that mean something to me. I have gotten Jennifer Theresa Jenna back.......now Im only missing you. And Ryan.....
One more thing...about the friendships of convienance.....we both know thats hurtful and completely wrong. Yes when I went to DBCC I did hang out with people from there. But thats because I was with you guys 90% of the school day. I could only spare time for the others in the morning. I hated it with a passion. I was getting "new friends" and ignoring my old ones. It HAD nothing to do with conveinance. AT ALL. I still talked ot them when I got on here or when I called them or they called me. I didnt spend time with anuy of you on thew weekends. I spent my weekends working and then saturday nights I go out with Jason. Thats how my life is STILL> I hated leaving DBCC. I knew when I did me and you wouldnt hang out any more and would loose touch ONCE AGAIN. I didnt want that. I cryed over that. I dindt want to lose your friendship once again. The others I didnt want to leave them either but you meant more. Believe it or not is your choice but its the truth. You were the only one who got me at times and was there for me even when you didnt understand where I was coming from. I never wanted to stop bieng friends with you. EVER~!!!!
What you decide to do with this is your choice. I have done and said all that I can and now its whatever goes. I sincerely hope that when you are done reading this you will no longer cry and will no long hate me. As I have never once hated you but have cryed due to some of the things you have said to me. That also goes to Ryan. It hurts to know that I am no longer apart of either of your lives. You guys were my best friends and I love you both to death. Please forgive me.