True story.
So, for the past week or so I've been really kind of down. Mostly, Andrew has been on my mind a lot. Fall always reminds me of him. It's the only season I knew him in.
Saturday and Sunday, though, were especially bad. I worked 12-8 both days, and the weather was just really nice, fall weather... for some reason Andrew was weighing really heavy on my mind. On my way to and from work, I was listening to songs that remind me of him, and just thinking about things and crying.
Mostly I was just thinking about how I miss him, and how I wish that I could have had more time with him, and how I feel that I had a hand in him crashing. But, I started thinking about how I wish I had something from him. Like, a gift that I could look at and hold and remember him by. And, I started thinking about the necklace that his mom gave me for Chritmas that year, and how it was all I really had... and then I started thinking about how it had gotten lost during my move.... how I had nothing.
I happend to look at the clock. It was 11:11. "All I want is the necklace back". That was my wish. "I think it would really help me feel better".
Meanwhile, Phil's X-Box 360 wasn't working right, and he was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. On Saturday while I was at work, he called the company and they said to just send it in, and they'd fix it for free. So, he went down into the basement and searched through 50+ boxes to find one that would be best to ship the X-Box in. He found one, and emptied out everything that was in it, and brought it up stairs. He put the X-Box in it. He said he noticed a rattling sound, but, when he looked, there was nothing in the box.
On the way home that night, Andrew was on my mind again. I listend to depressing music, and cried again. I made sure Phil couldn't tell I had been crying before I went into the house. Once I came into the room, he told me about shipping out his x-box, and I told him that he should put some plastic bags in the box for cushioning. He said he would do it all the next day.
So, on my way to work on Sunday I was sad again. I couldn't keep him off of my mind. I figured it was just the weather reminding me of him. I go through these strong emotions every once in a while. Somtimes it just all comes back to me. This seemed to be one of those times. It was just weighing unusually heavy on me this time.
On my way home that night, I started thinking about him again. I wondered how things might have been. I wondered if he had really loved me. I listened to the song, "I Will Remember You" By Sara Mclaughlin and balled. I wondered if he would remember me. Would he know my name if I saw him in Heaven kind of thing... I thought about his X-girlfriend and was jealous of all the memorabilia she had from him. I wondered if he would have ended up going back to her. I really just wanted some piece of him.... but, all I had were fading memories.
So, I calmed myself down. I tried to humble myself with what I could remember of him. I told myself that it didn't matter if I had something physical from him. I have a picture of us, and I have my memories. I learned a lot from him. I walked away knowing how to appreciate life and the people I love better... I'm just glad that I got to be with him at all. I thought about how much I love Phil. "I'm so afraid to love you.. more afraid to lose. Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose. Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night. You gave me everything you had. Oh, you gave me life". And, I was Ok.
I walked in the house. I walked upstairs. I opened the bedroom door. Phil was sitting at the computer. I looked at the desk, and there it was.... my necklace.
I started crying right away. Phil said he found it in the box. He was just about to tape it up and ship it out, but he heard that rattling sound again. He flipped up one of the flaps on the bottom, and there it was. He almost sent it to Texas.
I just couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. It's just crazy, you guys.
I explained to Phil why I was so emptional about it. He said that he and Andrew must be working together. He said, "I know she's special, man. I'm taking care of her for you".
Before I went to sleep last night, I talked to Andrew. I really think now that he's been around me this weekend. Thats why it's felt so strong, you know? He heard me. He helped Phil find my necklace. Like.... I don't believe in this kind of stuff you guys! I don't. But this is just too crazy. It's like when I crashed on 70. I should have at least been hurt... My car was totalled. I walked away without a scratch. Even the paramedics didn't believe I was ok. There was just SO much that seemed to be "lucky" about every little thing... I looked at the clock after it happend, and it was 11:11 at that very moment. He's my angel. I know it.
It's like he wanted to remind me that he's still there. He wanted to remind me that he did love me, and he still does. He once told me that he would give me anything. He just wants me to be happy. I said that I would feel better if I found it...He wants me to feel better.
So, last night I thought through all of my memories of him. They were a lot clearer all of a sudden. I told him that I wanted to dream about him. HE WAS IN MY FRIGGIN DREAM YOU GUYS!!: Phil and I were at like a fast food restaraunt (or something) and Andrew was standing at the counter taking orders (I guess). I knew that it was him in my dream. I knew that I missed him (it felt really good to see him). He didn't know me though. At least, he didn't notice me. There were other people around that I knew (I dont really know who they were though) and apparently were supposed to know me, but they didn't know me anymore. It was like I knew that I had gone back and changed something, and now no one remembered me. When I told Phil that this one girl I was talking to was supposed to know me and her memory was changed, he said, "You miss them knowing you, don't you?" and I said, "yes". And thats all I remember.
It's just crazy. I mean... COME ON! Right?!
..I don't know...
I believe he's there though. He's watching over me...dropping in every once in a while. Taking care of me like he promised. <3
I just had to share this.
Love/Miss you guys! <3
Saturday and Sunday, though, were especially bad. I worked 12-8 both days, and the weather was just really nice, fall weather... for some reason Andrew was weighing really heavy on my mind. On my way to and from work, I was listening to songs that remind me of him, and just thinking about things and crying.
Mostly I was just thinking about how I miss him, and how I wish that I could have had more time with him, and how I feel that I had a hand in him crashing. But, I started thinking about how I wish I had something from him. Like, a gift that I could look at and hold and remember him by. And, I started thinking about the necklace that his mom gave me for Chritmas that year, and how it was all I really had... and then I started thinking about how it had gotten lost during my move.... how I had nothing.
I happend to look at the clock. It was 11:11. "All I want is the necklace back". That was my wish. "I think it would really help me feel better".
Meanwhile, Phil's X-Box 360 wasn't working right, and he was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. On Saturday while I was at work, he called the company and they said to just send it in, and they'd fix it for free. So, he went down into the basement and searched through 50+ boxes to find one that would be best to ship the X-Box in. He found one, and emptied out everything that was in it, and brought it up stairs. He put the X-Box in it. He said he noticed a rattling sound, but, when he looked, there was nothing in the box.
On the way home that night, Andrew was on my mind again. I listend to depressing music, and cried again. I made sure Phil couldn't tell I had been crying before I went into the house. Once I came into the room, he told me about shipping out his x-box, and I told him that he should put some plastic bags in the box for cushioning. He said he would do it all the next day.
So, on my way to work on Sunday I was sad again. I couldn't keep him off of my mind. I figured it was just the weather reminding me of him. I go through these strong emotions every once in a while. Somtimes it just all comes back to me. This seemed to be one of those times. It was just weighing unusually heavy on me this time.
On my way home that night, I started thinking about him again. I wondered how things might have been. I wondered if he had really loved me. I listened to the song, "I Will Remember You" By Sara Mclaughlin and balled. I wondered if he would remember me. Would he know my name if I saw him in Heaven kind of thing... I thought about his X-girlfriend and was jealous of all the memorabilia she had from him. I wondered if he would have ended up going back to her. I really just wanted some piece of him.... but, all I had were fading memories.
So, I calmed myself down. I tried to humble myself with what I could remember of him. I told myself that it didn't matter if I had something physical from him. I have a picture of us, and I have my memories. I learned a lot from him. I walked away knowing how to appreciate life and the people I love better... I'm just glad that I got to be with him at all. I thought about how much I love Phil. "I'm so afraid to love you.. more afraid to lose. Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose. Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night. You gave me everything you had. Oh, you gave me life". And, I was Ok.
I walked in the house. I walked upstairs. I opened the bedroom door. Phil was sitting at the computer. I looked at the desk, and there it was.... my necklace.
I started crying right away. Phil said he found it in the box. He was just about to tape it up and ship it out, but he heard that rattling sound again. He flipped up one of the flaps on the bottom, and there it was. He almost sent it to Texas.
I just couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. It's just crazy, you guys.
I explained to Phil why I was so emptional about it. He said that he and Andrew must be working together. He said, "I know she's special, man. I'm taking care of her for you".
Before I went to sleep last night, I talked to Andrew. I really think now that he's been around me this weekend. Thats why it's felt so strong, you know? He heard me. He helped Phil find my necklace. Like.... I don't believe in this kind of stuff you guys! I don't. But this is just too crazy. It's like when I crashed on 70. I should have at least been hurt... My car was totalled. I walked away without a scratch. Even the paramedics didn't believe I was ok. There was just SO much that seemed to be "lucky" about every little thing... I looked at the clock after it happend, and it was 11:11 at that very moment. He's my angel. I know it.
It's like he wanted to remind me that he's still there. He wanted to remind me that he did love me, and he still does. He once told me that he would give me anything. He just wants me to be happy. I said that I would feel better if I found it...He wants me to feel better.
So, last night I thought through all of my memories of him. They were a lot clearer all of a sudden. I told him that I wanted to dream about him. HE WAS IN MY FRIGGIN DREAM YOU GUYS!!: Phil and I were at like a fast food restaraunt (or something) and Andrew was standing at the counter taking orders (I guess). I knew that it was him in my dream. I knew that I missed him (it felt really good to see him). He didn't know me though. At least, he didn't notice me. There were other people around that I knew (I dont really know who they were though) and apparently were supposed to know me, but they didn't know me anymore. It was like I knew that I had gone back and changed something, and now no one remembered me. When I told Phil that this one girl I was talking to was supposed to know me and her memory was changed, he said, "You miss them knowing you, don't you?" and I said, "yes". And thats all I remember.
It's just crazy. I mean... COME ON! Right?!
..I don't know...
I believe he's there though. He's watching over me...dropping in every once in a while. Taking care of me like he promised. <3
I just had to share this.
Love/Miss you guys! <3