Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone
I sent my resume to M&T. I have a feeling I wont be hearing from them.
I'm going to stop by Susquehanna and maybe the Vet on my way to frederick later.
I sign up for classes today.
I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing.
Mostly because I don't know how it's going to play out yet.
I need to know what my schedule will be.
I need to find a job that will fit around that schedule.
Pretty stressed about it.
I saw my dad on Sat.
I talked to him a couple of days before that.
He told me that he had jumped out of his truck, and he was pretty banged up.
He told me that he doesn't want to do it anymore.
That he is really depressed.
..He still loves my mom.
Its hard to hear these things from your father...
... I cried pretty hard.
Every time I think about how unhappy he is, I cry.
Every time I think about what my family is now, I cry.
...what it was... what it could be... what it isnt..
I wish they would get back together.
I wish it never happened.
The thought of my mom makes me cry.
The sight of them both makes my heart break.
So much goes unsaid.
I miss them so much.
I dont think I can explain how I feel about it.
...how much of a weight it is on me.
How stressed I really am.
I don't think any of you really understand.
Nobody knows me.
Only Phil.
It isnt only my family situation.
It's everything.
...the reality of everything...
I'm scared to watch it all play out.
To be here until the end of it...
I dont even know who I used to be.
Or why...
It seems unreal to me now.
Like a dream.
Nothing really matters.
Did you know that?
None of it will make much of a difference.
In the large scale of things...
We are insignificant.
And yet,
this is all that we have...
- - -
We create reason.
We have forgotten what is really going on
...some don't even realize this.
Brainwashed
We go through life doing as we are told.
Doing what has been made nessesary to do.
We are controlled.
"Freedom" is a blindfold.
...we create ways to be ok with death...
religion is bullshit.
A way to cope.
Jesus was a modern day Luenatic.
If someone came up to you today and told you they were the son of God
would you believe him?
-doubt it.
... church began with power hungry people.
Who discovered a way to control other people's minds.
They told these people that if certain rules weren't followed... they would go to "Hell".
A good way to keep the masses in order...
While they lived in luxury.
I wish I would have thought of it.
hah.
I just think that common sense would get in the way of most of it all.
But,it seems to be pretty popular.
...People need reason...It is human nature.
Perhaps I am wrong.
I don't deny that possibility.
...Because we don't know for sure.
However, I certainly do not deny the (more reasonable) possibility that I am right.
I'm sorry if I have offended you.
But please consider what I am saying.
I don't want you to be dissapointed.
______________________________________________________________________
It's getting harder
to drown it out.
The voice.
Whispering cold Truth
In shadows
Of what used to be.
A silent cry
In the midst
of Meaningless Chaos,
Opens the door
to the face of
Reality.
Leaving everything
to become
nothing.
Realization
Becomes knowledge.
I'm going to stop by Susquehanna and maybe the Vet on my way to frederick later.
I sign up for classes today.
I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing.
Mostly because I don't know how it's going to play out yet.
I need to know what my schedule will be.
I need to find a job that will fit around that schedule.
Pretty stressed about it.
I saw my dad on Sat.
I talked to him a couple of days before that.
He told me that he had jumped out of his truck, and he was pretty banged up.
He told me that he doesn't want to do it anymore.
That he is really depressed.
..He still loves my mom.
Its hard to hear these things from your father...
... I cried pretty hard.
Every time I think about how unhappy he is, I cry.
Every time I think about what my family is now, I cry.
...what it was... what it could be... what it isnt..
I wish they would get back together.
I wish it never happened.
The thought of my mom makes me cry.
The sight of them both makes my heart break.
So much goes unsaid.
I miss them so much.
I dont think I can explain how I feel about it.
...how much of a weight it is on me.
How stressed I really am.
I don't think any of you really understand.
Nobody knows me.
Only Phil.
It isnt only my family situation.
It's everything.
...the reality of everything...
I'm scared to watch it all play out.
To be here until the end of it...
I dont even know who I used to be.
Or why...
It seems unreal to me now.
Like a dream.
Nothing really matters.
Did you know that?
None of it will make much of a difference.
In the large scale of things...
We are insignificant.
And yet,
this is all that we have...
- - -
We create reason.
We have forgotten what is really going on
...some don't even realize this.
Brainwashed
We go through life doing as we are told.
Doing what has been made nessesary to do.
We are controlled.
"Freedom" is a blindfold.
...we create ways to be ok with death...
religion is bullshit.
A way to cope.
Jesus was a modern day Luenatic.
If someone came up to you today and told you they were the son of God
would you believe him?
-doubt it.
... church began with power hungry people.
Who discovered a way to control other people's minds.
They told these people that if certain rules weren't followed... they would go to "Hell".
A good way to keep the masses in order...
While they lived in luxury.
I wish I would have thought of it.
hah.
I just think that common sense would get in the way of most of it all.
But,it seems to be pretty popular.
...People need reason...It is human nature.
Perhaps I am wrong.
I don't deny that possibility.
...Because we don't know for sure.
However, I certainly do not deny the (more reasonable) possibility that I am right.
I'm sorry if I have offended you.
But please consider what I am saying.
I don't want you to be dissapointed.
______________________________________________________________________
It's getting harder
to drown it out.
The voice.
Whispering cold Truth
In shadows
Of what used to be.
A silent cry
In the midst
of Meaningless Chaos,
Opens the door
to the face of
Reality.
Leaving everything
to become
nothing.
Realization
Becomes knowledge.