Ch.5
“I’ve searched my heart over,
So many, many times.
No, you and I are like no stars,
To light the sky at night...
Our picture hangs out of tune,
Remind me of the days.
You promised me we’d always be,
And never go away,
That’s why I need you to stay...”
Could he leave Vicki to her own fate?
He had little time to convince himself that he belonged here with her. His territory was to be handed over and his belongings sent forward to another place, another life to rebuild all over again.
Could he trust what she was saying, that she needed him?
He wanted to believe she needed him; he had yearned to hear those words fall from her sweet lips. To show her need in her actions, rather than brush them aside and pretend they did not exist. He’d had to stand there like a goldfish and watch Celluci stake his claim on her, watch as she cried after him as much as her tears had fallen when he told her it was over. Would she be willing to settle for someone who could not give her the type of life she needed, the love she could have and cherish for as long as she lived.
His life was a solitary one, he had come to realise that being involved only ended in sadness, a sadness he could not take away without risking everything. He’d accepted that when Christina wavered in turning him, she understood that in making him like she, eventually she would lose it all. Henry had been so blind with passion and love, he didn’t care what the future would bring, he wanted to see everything through Christina’s eyes...he found nothing but heartache.
Vicki didn’t deserve to settle for anything less than complete love...
“You don’t mean that, you don’t need me Vicki!”
Controlling the pain was easier than controlling the guilt that he would endure. Watching as her life passed her by, while his remained selfishly the same. Cursing him for his eternal youth and begging him to turn her so they could be together. He had gone through the motions with each lover he had taken that touched his heart, he was tired of being alone but knew that alone meant he could not break another heart, destroy another life as he passed on through. He felt her still at his words, searching his face looking for a reason to argue,
“You’ve already made up y-your mind...haven’t you?” when he chose to not answer she pushed on, “y-you’re leaving tonight!” the light went out of her eyes as pain replaced it once more. He could only simply close his eyes and nod once, “It’s best for both of us if I were to go. S-staying here...will only complicate things further.”
His voice sounded hollow and false even in his own ears. A stronger person would have made a more determined effort to explain the reasons behind the decision, but remembering the piercing of the blade as it hit too close to his heart, resolved that issue, “Augustus is waiting for me...”
Vicki’s resolve shattered. She had opened her heart up to him, allowed him to see just how much she needed him, and yet his mind had already been made up. Blinking back fresh tears, she moved from his hold on her face as he dropped his hand helplessly,
“So, I’ve wasted my time staying here, t-the argument was futile.” She turned her back and took a deep shaky breath. The urgent need to leave his apartment was overwhelming as she felt him move behind her, felt the hairs on the back of her neck at his closeness, “I-I’m sorry Vicki, but I can’t stay here anymore, my identity has been compromised...I wish you could understand...”
Shaking her head, she fought the torrent of fresh tears as they threatened to spill. This time he would not see her cry, “I understand p-perfectly Henry. I was a fool to think you would change your mind.”
Walking with stiff movements, she jerked her coat of the back of the chair and quickly reached the door of his apartment. An apartment she would never see again...along with him,
“G-Goodbye H-Henry...”
The handle turned, she freed herself from the door and closed it behind her. Shutting out everything she had come to rely on.
A howling ripped through his chest and tore through his soul, as the solid click of the door sealed his fate. Everything exploded in his head, shards of memories filled the void between his eyes as pain danced along the outer edges, laughing at him. Standing in a room that held her perfume, her essence as it wafted around him and made the pain intensify further. Tears wet his cheeks and he bowed his head and balled his fists at his side. How was this a compromise, how was this justice?
He had effectively sealed Vicki’s fate and the fate of others into her own hands. Asteroth would take pleasure in the fact that a mere human would face him, try and tear down his tyranny while he laughed at her weakness. He turned and swung his fist into the drywall, puncturing a hole and cutting his knuckles in the process. Banging his head next did little to take the edge of the pain in his hand, never mind block out his stupidity. What was he to do now?
Could he let her go?
He wanted to, he knew he needed to, for if he didn’t they would only end up killing each other. His heart lay shattered, his trust broken, his honour destroyed and his betrayal displayed for all to see. He had given himself over to believing he could make her love him as much as he loved her. He knew also she would never understand his life, could not bring herself around to accepting it. She wanted too; he could sense it in her every time she was near, but that reserved judgement of hers also held her back.
Wearily he moved from the wall, promising to let the owner of the building know and pay for the repairs. Sliding his cell phone out of his pocket, he punched a number that was familiar to him and waited for the call to be answered,
“It’s me, we need to talk!”
~~~~~
She tore through her apartment, not even bothering to close the door behind her. The blind need to find a space she could collapse in was terrifyingly paramount, as finally she found the corner beside her bookcase and slid to the floor. Her sobs where the only sounds that echoed around her space, as deep wrenching tears flowed freely. Bringing her knees up, she hugged them to her chest and rocked until nothing else mattered but the pain that clawed through her heart. This was it! No longer would she be able to close her eyes without seeing him in her peripheral vision, what vision she had left. What was she to do? She had opened up her heart and begged him to stay, only to be told it was too late. She laughed and hiccupped remembering just how foolish she had sounded, hoping he would give them a second chance. The light on her answering machine flickered but she chose to ignore it. It was more than likely Mike, checking in to see if she was okay. Even though he had walked away, some things Mike Celluci just didn’t let go without a fight. Or maybe it was Coreen, just letting her know that she was okay. Vicki hadn’t heard her leave Henry’s place but she knew she had made herself scarce following Henry’s decision to end everything following her indecisive answer to his question. The same response she received when she had asked him to stay.
Fresh tears fell as she hit the back of her head against the wall behind her,
What was she going to do?
Go on as if nothing had happened, as if the last year was nothing but an outlandish dream, concocted from too much caffeine and not getting out enough?
Would the sorrow ever go away? When she and Mike had broken up it had been because he was asking of her the impossible, to settle for less than she deserved? They had got angry, spoke harshly and then didn’t speak to each other for practically a year,
How long would it be until she would speak to Henry again?
Now that was a question and a half, if only she had a crystal ball like the one Sinead looked into?
Pathetic as it sounded, her world was at a crossroads now with no clear indication of what direction she should take. Mike wanted her to drop everything and be with him, give up chasing ghosts and live in the real world. Henry wanted her to drop everyone and live with him in Vancouver. Live a life of danger and mystery, of passion and deep darkness. See the world through his eyes and loose the real world for his.
With Mike she had known him most of her lifetime, lived and worked with him. Theirs was a relationship built on mutual trust, of a history that kept coming back, over and over.
Henry’s?
Sighing she wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her coat and sniffed. Slipping the glasses of her nose, she pinched the blinding pain behind her eyes and hoped that it would fade away, instead of forcing her to take something for it. He was leaving her; he was disappearing out of her life, quicker than he’d entered it. He was taking the past year they’d had together, leaving her with nothing.
Nothing, alone, empty...
She had to move on, she had no choice, and she knew that the life she had lived was now over. She needed a new direction, a new path. Broken as she was...she needed a new start, a clean change.
Standing on wobbly legs, she moved to her bureau and lifted the handset of her phone, dialling a number that reached out from her past. Two rings, by the third it was answered,
“Hi, I-It’s me...I need to ask you a favour?”
~~~~