Confusion
As I said in my normal LJ I'm feeling a bit down at the moment. Over the school hoilidays I finished the majority of this ficlet about Rosha and Leo but let's face, a lot of it has been taken from my life and changed in places. Speculations, idea's, past pains...I put it down in words so maybe as I wrote I would understand what I feel, how I think he feels. It's fiction, it's still fiction though...
He watched the strand of blond flop over her face, her small, oval face almost hidden behind her textbook. Her amythst eyes narrowed in concentration the way they always did when she read, pausing for a moment as one of her slender hands reached up to tuck a lock of blond hair behind a small ear. Leo couldn’t help but let a smile spread across his face, Rosha was possible the cutest young women he’d ever met even if he’d seen her on a bad PMS day Rosha would always be adorable to him.
Rosha despite her psychic ability didn’t even feel his presence until Leo slid into the chair across the smooth oak table. Lost in the deep book about the Sumarians, the warm Talamasca library had been her refuge for the majority of the evening from the freezing winter night outside. She looked up to be greet by Leo’s warm chocolate eyes and an almost boyish, handsome grin that set off golden speaks in his eyes. “Leo...hi?”, the young lady smiled in return setting aside her book calmly. Leo- mentor and possible the only man she’d ever loved how could anyone resist his handsome Italian looks and down-to-earth charming attitude. Even Rosha as a lesbian had to admit he ws possible the perfect guy to ever bless this earth, at least in her eyes. “Studying for Ancient History?”, Leo replied smoothly enjoying the sparkle of Rosha’s lavender eyes. “Yeah, studying, reading”, a half laugh, half giggle escaped her lips before she regained herself. Oh yeah, just throw yourself at him why don’t you? “You’ve been studying a lot lately”, Leo agreed his smile fading changing to a look of concern. “Yes, it’s called school?”, she replied tossing a lock of blond behind her slender shoulders. Leo frowned at this, her sarcastic attitude he knew from experience had a habit of peaking in times of stress. Not tonight though, he wouldn’t allow it. “Walk with me”.
The evening streets of London were as they always were at this hour, quiet with a few people rushing home to greet their families and/or friends or to spend a solitary evening alone as both Leo and Rosha found themselves doing. The cosy surbuan streets of London were almost picturesque in a way, lights lining the streets charmingly, the windows of the small, copped together apartments bright and even the smell of roast drifted from the closed doors as families feasted over dinner. Beside Leo, Rosha appeared a petite little women, her slender frame wrapped in winter attire, black jeans, a thick woollen knee length jacket, black gloves and scarf and a small cap over her loose mantle of sleek blond hair that almost appeared to meld into the snow around them. Leo occasionally sent a look down to the blond noticing her common express of deep thought. Somehow Leo always managed to feel almost clumsy next to Rosha’s grace, himself been almost 6 ft and his frame been masculine, lean in some parts but still masculine. He was handsome, no member of the opposite sex would denie that.
“Are you missing Gwendolyn still?”, asked Leo a slight frown creasing his features as his dark eyes studied her with concern. “Not really these days, you know, what happened, happened, I’m over it”, Rosha replied casually burying her hands deep into her pockets. “Just wondering you know, you don’t really mention her these days”, he replied feeling slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if Rosha’s sexuality was a cause of his discomfort, no he was as open about homosexuality and the likes as possible but something has always twigged inside him about Gwendolyn. Of course Leo wouldn’t admit it, even to himself but even at times Rosha had caught a hold of it even when the girls were dating. Leo somehow disapproved of her and after they broke up, Leo had said a few choice about Gwendolyn. “I could see the pain after you broke up, I thought, I don’t know how you got through it”, he continued gently burying his own hands deep in his pockets. “You could of came to me about it”. Rosha sighed deeply at this feeling a slight urge to snap at him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about coming to him, she had but Rosha was messed up at the time, her emotions told her one thing and than another and it involved everyone. Even him, especially him perhaps. She was so sad, why hadn’t he said something, it was hard to miss. She’d waited so many times for Leo to say something and he didn’t. She hadn’t even told him when Gwendolyn and her broke up, he hadn’t even cared that Gwendolyn disappeared from the Talamasca. Leo had always put up a nice front about Gwendolyn, to Gwendolyn but behind that something else lingered, that something that had stopped him comforting Rosha. “Yeah”, came her simple reply, quite unusual for Rosha. Usually the words shared between Leo and Rosha were deep but tonight...something unspoken remained. “You didn’t like her did you?”, asked Rosha tensely turning slightly to stare up at him. “What?”, Leo stopped in the middle of the path turning to stare down at Rosha in suprise. “Rosha, I just...”, he started before running a hand through his black hair stressfully. “Gwendolyn I just felt, wasn’t good enough for you, you loved her so much and she...always seemed to be letting you down and hurting you over and over it was painful”, he shrugged staring down at her intently. A rush of anger flared through Rosha as her lavender eyes narrowed. “Doesn’t mean she didn’t love me!”, she snapped in return her pose shifting to defensive. “I don’t know Rosha...I’m just telling you from what I observed”, Leo commented looking slightly hurt by Rosha’s attack. “Whatever!”, she replied loosely still feeling anger over Leo’s comment, even if part of it was true. Silence closed in between them as they continued to walk down the snow-covered path.
“I’m sorry, I can understand where your coming from and everyone’s entitled to their opinion but...” “I understand Rosha”
What was this really about, was it about Gwendolyn, was it either about Gwendolyn? Rosha let out another sigh blowing a wisp of blond hair from her face. She shivered beneath her coat, hugging herself as she cast another glance up at Leo. Leo continued to stare straight ahead, this time he was in deep thought. “It’s starting to get cold”, she said her teeth chattering slightly as she shivered. “Maybe we should go home?” Leo broke from his thoughts to look at her. “Your cold, here, have my jacket”, he offered pulling his off hastily and wrapping it around her protectively. Rosha giggled in delight as the jacket fell to her shins, her cheeks warming with a light blush. Leo smiled lightly a hand pausing for a second before he wiped a snow-flake from her face. For a moment they stared, caught in each other’s eyes as unspoken emotion hung between them before Leo turned to gaze away. “Better get you home before you get buried in the snow”, he joked trying to dismiss the action as they turned to walk back home. “I’m short but I don’t think I’m that short”, Rosha replied happily her step turning to a slight skip before she regained her composure.
That night Leo couldn’t sleep. The hours seemed to pass on but he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts again and again returning to Rosha. Rosha, they’d always been something about her that he’d been drawn to. Something, someone had drawn them together from the moment they met that early spring morning. Leo had been rushing down the halls irrated at the least at why the Powers that be had assigned him to the Talmasca, to be a teacher none the less. But a part of him was even happy to be able to mingle with the youth of this age, to teach, to influence and to learn more about life himself. “Rosha’s the lady, she’s in charge!”, giggled Gwendolyn as Rosha walked slightly ahead of the rest of her friends.Too late! Leo stopped inches from Rosha as he rounded a corner nearly bumping straight into the petite girl. That was the moment they met, brown eyes looked on pretty light purple ones, staring, drawn in for a moment. “Sorry, sorry!”, Leo has exclaimed flashing her and the rest of the girls a smile before rushing past without waiting for a response. Later he became her teacher, her Mentor and now? Leo sighed crossing his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He hadn’t been drawn to anyone like this since Astrid. Things had ended so horrible with Astrid, she’d finally left him so bitter and cold. He didn’t even know where his wives soul residered, heaven, hell or if it had been reincarnated. If only Leo had been a better husband, a better father, a better warlock things would be different, his life would of been different, everything would be different. Astrid wouldn’t of died a painful death and spent the rest of her days till the two met up again haunting, murdering, hurting. Rose and Abby would of been raised with proper parents and life in general might of been better for everyone. Maybe...so many maybe’s? But if he’d taken that path Leo would of never met Rosha and now Rosha needed him in a way now, depended on him and Leo...Leo needed to be needed, he enjoyed taking care of her, understanding her, talking to her, making her smile every time her eyes met his.
He watched the strand of blond flop over her face, her small, oval face almost hidden behind her textbook. Her amythst eyes narrowed in concentration the way they always did when she read, pausing for a moment as one of her slender hands reached up to tuck a lock of blond hair behind a small ear. Leo couldn’t help but let a smile spread across his face, Rosha was possible the cutest young women he’d ever met even if he’d seen her on a bad PMS day Rosha would always be adorable to him.
Rosha despite her psychic ability didn’t even feel his presence until Leo slid into the chair across the smooth oak table. Lost in the deep book about the Sumarians, the warm Talamasca library had been her refuge for the majority of the evening from the freezing winter night outside. She looked up to be greet by Leo’s warm chocolate eyes and an almost boyish, handsome grin that set off golden speaks in his eyes. “Leo...hi?”, the young lady smiled in return setting aside her book calmly. Leo- mentor and possible the only man she’d ever loved how could anyone resist his handsome Italian looks and down-to-earth charming attitude. Even Rosha as a lesbian had to admit he ws possible the perfect guy to ever bless this earth, at least in her eyes. “Studying for Ancient History?”, Leo replied smoothly enjoying the sparkle of Rosha’s lavender eyes. “Yeah, studying, reading”, a half laugh, half giggle escaped her lips before she regained herself. Oh yeah, just throw yourself at him why don’t you? “You’ve been studying a lot lately”, Leo agreed his smile fading changing to a look of concern. “Yes, it’s called school?”, she replied tossing a lock of blond behind her slender shoulders. Leo frowned at this, her sarcastic attitude he knew from experience had a habit of peaking in times of stress. Not tonight though, he wouldn’t allow it. “Walk with me”.
The evening streets of London were as they always were at this hour, quiet with a few people rushing home to greet their families and/or friends or to spend a solitary evening alone as both Leo and Rosha found themselves doing. The cosy surbuan streets of London were almost picturesque in a way, lights lining the streets charmingly, the windows of the small, copped together apartments bright and even the smell of roast drifted from the closed doors as families feasted over dinner. Beside Leo, Rosha appeared a petite little women, her slender frame wrapped in winter attire, black jeans, a thick woollen knee length jacket, black gloves and scarf and a small cap over her loose mantle of sleek blond hair that almost appeared to meld into the snow around them. Leo occasionally sent a look down to the blond noticing her common express of deep thought. Somehow Leo always managed to feel almost clumsy next to Rosha’s grace, himself been almost 6 ft and his frame been masculine, lean in some parts but still masculine. He was handsome, no member of the opposite sex would denie that.
“Are you missing Gwendolyn still?”, asked Leo a slight frown creasing his features as his dark eyes studied her with concern. “Not really these days, you know, what happened, happened, I’m over it”, Rosha replied casually burying her hands deep into her pockets. “Just wondering you know, you don’t really mention her these days”, he replied feeling slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if Rosha’s sexuality was a cause of his discomfort, no he was as open about homosexuality and the likes as possible but something has always twigged inside him about Gwendolyn. Of course Leo wouldn’t admit it, even to himself but even at times Rosha had caught a hold of it even when the girls were dating. Leo somehow disapproved of her and after they broke up, Leo had said a few choice about Gwendolyn. “I could see the pain after you broke up, I thought, I don’t know how you got through it”, he continued gently burying his own hands deep in his pockets. “You could of came to me about it”. Rosha sighed deeply at this feeling a slight urge to snap at him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about coming to him, she had but Rosha was messed up at the time, her emotions told her one thing and than another and it involved everyone. Even him, especially him perhaps. She was so sad, why hadn’t he said something, it was hard to miss. She’d waited so many times for Leo to say something and he didn’t. She hadn’t even told him when Gwendolyn and her broke up, he hadn’t even cared that Gwendolyn disappeared from the Talamasca. Leo had always put up a nice front about Gwendolyn, to Gwendolyn but behind that something else lingered, that something that had stopped him comforting Rosha. “Yeah”, came her simple reply, quite unusual for Rosha. Usually the words shared between Leo and Rosha were deep but tonight...something unspoken remained. “You didn’t like her did you?”, asked Rosha tensely turning slightly to stare up at him. “What?”, Leo stopped in the middle of the path turning to stare down at Rosha in suprise. “Rosha, I just...”, he started before running a hand through his black hair stressfully. “Gwendolyn I just felt, wasn’t good enough for you, you loved her so much and she...always seemed to be letting you down and hurting you over and over it was painful”, he shrugged staring down at her intently. A rush of anger flared through Rosha as her lavender eyes narrowed. “Doesn’t mean she didn’t love me!”, she snapped in return her pose shifting to defensive. “I don’t know Rosha...I’m just telling you from what I observed”, Leo commented looking slightly hurt by Rosha’s attack. “Whatever!”, she replied loosely still feeling anger over Leo’s comment, even if part of it was true. Silence closed in between them as they continued to walk down the snow-covered path.
“I’m sorry, I can understand where your coming from and everyone’s entitled to their opinion but...” “I understand Rosha”
What was this really about, was it about Gwendolyn, was it either about Gwendolyn? Rosha let out another sigh blowing a wisp of blond hair from her face. She shivered beneath her coat, hugging herself as she cast another glance up at Leo. Leo continued to stare straight ahead, this time he was in deep thought. “It’s starting to get cold”, she said her teeth chattering slightly as she shivered. “Maybe we should go home?” Leo broke from his thoughts to look at her. “Your cold, here, have my jacket”, he offered pulling his off hastily and wrapping it around her protectively. Rosha giggled in delight as the jacket fell to her shins, her cheeks warming with a light blush. Leo smiled lightly a hand pausing for a second before he wiped a snow-flake from her face. For a moment they stared, caught in each other’s eyes as unspoken emotion hung between them before Leo turned to gaze away. “Better get you home before you get buried in the snow”, he joked trying to dismiss the action as they turned to walk back home. “I’m short but I don’t think I’m that short”, Rosha replied happily her step turning to a slight skip before she regained her composure.
That night Leo couldn’t sleep. The hours seemed to pass on but he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts again and again returning to Rosha. Rosha, they’d always been something about her that he’d been drawn to. Something, someone had drawn them together from the moment they met that early spring morning. Leo had been rushing down the halls irrated at the least at why the Powers that be had assigned him to the Talmasca, to be a teacher none the less. But a part of him was even happy to be able to mingle with the youth of this age, to teach, to influence and to learn more about life himself. “Rosha’s the lady, she’s in charge!”, giggled Gwendolyn as Rosha walked slightly ahead of the rest of her friends.Too late! Leo stopped inches from Rosha as he rounded a corner nearly bumping straight into the petite girl. That was the moment they met, brown eyes looked on pretty light purple ones, staring, drawn in for a moment. “Sorry, sorry!”, Leo has exclaimed flashing her and the rest of the girls a smile before rushing past without waiting for a response. Later he became her teacher, her Mentor and now? Leo sighed crossing his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He hadn’t been drawn to anyone like this since Astrid. Things had ended so horrible with Astrid, she’d finally left him so bitter and cold. He didn’t even know where his wives soul residered, heaven, hell or if it had been reincarnated. If only Leo had been a better husband, a better father, a better warlock things would be different, his life would of been different, everything would be different. Astrid wouldn’t of died a painful death and spent the rest of her days till the two met up again haunting, murdering, hurting. Rose and Abby would of been raised with proper parents and life in general might of been better for everyone. Maybe...so many maybe’s? But if he’d taken that path Leo would of never met Rosha and now Rosha needed him in a way now, depended on him and Leo...Leo needed to be needed, he enjoyed taking care of her, understanding her, talking to her, making her smile every time her eyes met his.