(no subject)
Well, what can I say. Something that I had all good intentions of keeping regularly I failed. But at least that I can say was that I was really busy with other things. But at least University has kept me on the straight and narrow. By actually forcing me to me keep an online journal. So I have consciously decided to keep this one up to date a little more often than I have in the past.
Famous last words…….I hope not.
Lots has happened since my very first post… I am at Uni fulltime studying Bach of Arts with majors in Journalism and Writing. I am hoping that it will give me the courage to write my own fanfiction stories. But at least that this will give me an outlet to put my own writing up there in the big wide world and hope that someone may take it upon themselves to leave a message or two to let me know what they think…….This means you Avril… Just remember I am watching you and should you fail to leave a comment I know where you live.
Anyway here is the first story I have written since starting Uni. I got a pretty good mark for it as well. So tell me what you think.
An Angel’s Wish
‘Miss, Excuse me Miss’
I look up out of my daze. Her once stark white uniform bears the stains of those she served.
‘Yeah’
It comes out more of a murmur than an actual word. The pain is still too new for any thing more.
‘I am terribly sorry about your friend Miss. There was nothing that we could do…….’
At this stage my brain has shut off. Closed it’s self to what she was saying. I could see her mouth moving. Forming the words I never dreamed that I would hear. I could sense her pity. It was palpable, coming off her in waves. Her eyes bore the resignation of the knowledge that there was another life that she could not save.
‘Will you be alright Miss?’
I nod mutely. Looking down at my hands. I see them, but don’t really.
I can hear the screaming of Tony’s parents in the waiting room to my left. The doctor is with them now. I long to feel comforted in Molly’s motherly arms. But I am afraid that she will blame me for not doing enough to prevent her son’s death.
I wish James was here. I need to feel his arms around me.
To feel alive.
To share the grief.
The pain.
The blame.
Turning my head slightly, I can see Molly and her husband George from my position. Tony’s sister is there. She’s sobbing quietly as the doctor explained the circumstances leading to Tony’s death.
George’s face is blank as a statue, not dissimilar to the one in the foyer. His emotions cast behind a sheet of marble. He would crumble though. They always do. In the solitude of night. The pristine façade would break. Those emotions would tumble out in a torrential flow.
Seeing them here is too real. Wanting to be with them, but don’t all at once. I can’t bear it anymore. I have to get out of here. You would never think that the air in the hospital could be stifling. But it is. I get up to leave. The crisp clean white walls rape my senses. The overpowering smell closes in on you, especially when you least expect it.
* * * * * * * * * *
How I made it home I will never know. My flat feels empty. Desolate. The same as my emotions.
Empty.
Drained.
Taking refuge on the lounge, I am unable to appreciate the welcoming softness of the leather.
Wishing for James to be here.
Oh God! I need to call him.
Walking to the phone on the sideboard. I catch myself in the mirror.
I look horrible.
Pale.
Scared.
Tortured.
Covered in blood.
Shit! I have blood all over me.
It’s not mine.
It’s Tony’s.
So dark against the pale blue shirt I wear. There’s a smear on my right cheek where I wiped tears away. Looking at my hands again I can see blood all over them.
I tried, I really tried. There was just too much blood to stop. So much.
The dark colour stands in rich contrast against my pale skin.
Dialling James’ number. A picture catches my eye. We’re at school. I have no idea how we became friends. We were sort of thrown together in some sort of botched experiment. We are so different, knowing each other the only common thread.
Tony - the comedian.
James - the hero.
Me - the bookworm.
The mischief we would find was legendary.
Together we were legendary.
Our friendship was legendary.
What we will be now? It has barely been a few hours, already it feels like a piece is missing.
I just don’t feel whole anymore.
Dammit James! Answer your bloody phone.
The ringing in the ear piece lulls my already fuzzy mind.
James is probably thinking I am calling about tonight. He missed our weekly lunch. Something about meeting a big wig for work. His punishment for not being at lunch was to have dinner with me.
Tony had a date. Some blonde he met at a work.
“Hey baby doll”
He always calls me that. Don’t know why it just sort of started one day a few years ago. Tony laughed when James first said it. He made some sort of smart ass comment.
Tony.
How can I tell him?
How can I tell James that our friend died?
Sliding to the floor, I sob into the phone.
“Thea”, his voice is becoming urgent.
I continue sobbing into the phone.
“Thea, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Only one word is sobbed out, “Tony”.
“Thea, listen, stay at home” his voice became authoritive. Thank God someone else is taking control. “I’ll be there shortly. Don’t go anywhere”.
The line goes dead.
Standing up to replace the phone I catch myself in the mirror again. I need to shower.
* * * * * * * * *
Easing myself into the shower, allowing the warm spray sooth my body.
I vow not to look at the drain. Seeing blood swirling with soapy water will break me.
‘I can do it’, is my mantra. I have taken to saying it aloud. It gives my lips something to do rather than tremble in sadness.
* * * * * * * * *
We have perfect timing.
He’s closing the door just as I step into the lounge from my shower.
Our eyes meet.
My resolve crumbles.
In three strides I am in his arms.
His body is my shelter.
Protecting.
Loving.
“Tony’s dead”, my tears wetting his dark suit.
“Shhh. I know sweetheart, I know”
Our mingled tears and soft words are all we need.
My head is cradled against his chest. The gentle thumping of his heart is soothing.
“After you rang. George called. Told me everything. All I could think of is that it could have been you.” His voice sounds lost.
Cupping my face in his hands, I look into his eyes. His love evident. Someone once said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
My eyes reflect the same love.
“I made myself promise, the next time I saw you, I would tell you how I felt.” I can tell he is scared now.
“I’m in love with you, have been for years”
I’m crying again but in happiness. Waiting to hear these words.
“I love you too James”
Suddenly his lips are on mine. So dry, warm and wonderful. Welcoming the deepened kiss. Knowing that together we will get through. We can conquer anything as long as we stick together.
Tony’s our angel to guide us, all the way.
Our souls feel complete.
Famous last words…….I hope not.
Lots has happened since my very first post… I am at Uni fulltime studying Bach of Arts with majors in Journalism and Writing. I am hoping that it will give me the courage to write my own fanfiction stories. But at least that this will give me an outlet to put my own writing up there in the big wide world and hope that someone may take it upon themselves to leave a message or two to let me know what they think…….This means you Avril… Just remember I am watching you and should you fail to leave a comment I know where you live.
Anyway here is the first story I have written since starting Uni. I got a pretty good mark for it as well. So tell me what you think.
An Angel’s Wish
‘Miss, Excuse me Miss’
I look up out of my daze. Her once stark white uniform bears the stains of those she served.
‘Yeah’
It comes out more of a murmur than an actual word. The pain is still too new for any thing more.
‘I am terribly sorry about your friend Miss. There was nothing that we could do…….’
At this stage my brain has shut off. Closed it’s self to what she was saying. I could see her mouth moving. Forming the words I never dreamed that I would hear. I could sense her pity. It was palpable, coming off her in waves. Her eyes bore the resignation of the knowledge that there was another life that she could not save.
‘Will you be alright Miss?’
I nod mutely. Looking down at my hands. I see them, but don’t really.
I can hear the screaming of Tony’s parents in the waiting room to my left. The doctor is with them now. I long to feel comforted in Molly’s motherly arms. But I am afraid that she will blame me for not doing enough to prevent her son’s death.
I wish James was here. I need to feel his arms around me.
To feel alive.
To share the grief.
The pain.
The blame.
Turning my head slightly, I can see Molly and her husband George from my position. Tony’s sister is there. She’s sobbing quietly as the doctor explained the circumstances leading to Tony’s death.
George’s face is blank as a statue, not dissimilar to the one in the foyer. His emotions cast behind a sheet of marble. He would crumble though. They always do. In the solitude of night. The pristine façade would break. Those emotions would tumble out in a torrential flow.
Seeing them here is too real. Wanting to be with them, but don’t all at once. I can’t bear it anymore. I have to get out of here. You would never think that the air in the hospital could be stifling. But it is. I get up to leave. The crisp clean white walls rape my senses. The overpowering smell closes in on you, especially when you least expect it.
* * * * * * * * * *
How I made it home I will never know. My flat feels empty. Desolate. The same as my emotions.
Empty.
Drained.
Taking refuge on the lounge, I am unable to appreciate the welcoming softness of the leather.
Wishing for James to be here.
Oh God! I need to call him.
Walking to the phone on the sideboard. I catch myself in the mirror.
I look horrible.
Pale.
Scared.
Tortured.
Covered in blood.
Shit! I have blood all over me.
It’s not mine.
It’s Tony’s.
So dark against the pale blue shirt I wear. There’s a smear on my right cheek where I wiped tears away. Looking at my hands again I can see blood all over them.
I tried, I really tried. There was just too much blood to stop. So much.
The dark colour stands in rich contrast against my pale skin.
Dialling James’ number. A picture catches my eye. We’re at school. I have no idea how we became friends. We were sort of thrown together in some sort of botched experiment. We are so different, knowing each other the only common thread.
Tony - the comedian.
James - the hero.
Me - the bookworm.
The mischief we would find was legendary.
Together we were legendary.
Our friendship was legendary.
What we will be now? It has barely been a few hours, already it feels like a piece is missing.
I just don’t feel whole anymore.
Dammit James! Answer your bloody phone.
The ringing in the ear piece lulls my already fuzzy mind.
James is probably thinking I am calling about tonight. He missed our weekly lunch. Something about meeting a big wig for work. His punishment for not being at lunch was to have dinner with me.
Tony had a date. Some blonde he met at a work.
“Hey baby doll”
He always calls me that. Don’t know why it just sort of started one day a few years ago. Tony laughed when James first said it. He made some sort of smart ass comment.
Tony.
How can I tell him?
How can I tell James that our friend died?
Sliding to the floor, I sob into the phone.
“Thea”, his voice is becoming urgent.
I continue sobbing into the phone.
“Thea, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Only one word is sobbed out, “Tony”.
“Thea, listen, stay at home” his voice became authoritive. Thank God someone else is taking control. “I’ll be there shortly. Don’t go anywhere”.
The line goes dead.
Standing up to replace the phone I catch myself in the mirror again. I need to shower.
* * * * * * * * *
Easing myself into the shower, allowing the warm spray sooth my body.
I vow not to look at the drain. Seeing blood swirling with soapy water will break me.
‘I can do it’, is my mantra. I have taken to saying it aloud. It gives my lips something to do rather than tremble in sadness.
* * * * * * * * *
We have perfect timing.
He’s closing the door just as I step into the lounge from my shower.
Our eyes meet.
My resolve crumbles.
In three strides I am in his arms.
His body is my shelter.
Protecting.
Loving.
“Tony’s dead”, my tears wetting his dark suit.
“Shhh. I know sweetheart, I know”
Our mingled tears and soft words are all we need.
My head is cradled against his chest. The gentle thumping of his heart is soothing.
“After you rang. George called. Told me everything. All I could think of is that it could have been you.” His voice sounds lost.
Cupping my face in his hands, I look into his eyes. His love evident. Someone once said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
My eyes reflect the same love.
“I made myself promise, the next time I saw you, I would tell you how I felt.” I can tell he is scared now.
“I’m in love with you, have been for years”
I’m crying again but in happiness. Waiting to hear these words.
“I love you too James”
Suddenly his lips are on mine. So dry, warm and wonderful. Welcoming the deepened kiss. Knowing that together we will get through. We can conquer anything as long as we stick together.
Tony’s our angel to guide us, all the way.
Our souls feel complete.