Vernon God Little
... This book was insane... DO NOT READ THIS IF UR PLANNING ON READING THE BOOK!! Spoilers n whatnot...
On to the book:
*ahem* Vernon Gregory Little is a 15 yr old student at a high school in TX where a shoot out takes place. 16 students are shot while Vernon himself is off the school grounds running an errand for his teacher, Mr. Marion Nuckles. While on these errands he gets side tracked when he sees his best friend Jesus Navarro run out of the school n bike to God knows where... actually Vernon DOES know where... sumwhere they both used to hang out in, where they had 2 guns stored. So Vernon runs after him, but b4 he can stop him, he needs to take a dump so in the middle of nowhere he shits, wipes his butt with sum notes, and hurries after Navarro... arriving too late.
When he returns, he sees Navarro standing over the body of his other friend Lori, crying and holding her limp form. He then takes the gun, aims it in his mouth, and squeezes the trigger, ending his own life.
"Everybody knows Jesus is ultimately to blame"... but since Vernon was Jesus' only friend, the police automatically assume he had sumthing to do with it, and drag him to the sherrif's office to "get to the bottom of the matter"
As Vernon himself would say, "F*ck that."
Bcuz they are already convinced Vern is an accessory and no alibi in the world can convince these idiot-small-towners now.
I read a review for this book where the girl idiodically states that if right off Vernon had just told his story, all of this could be avoided.
To quote Vernon again: "Like, duh."
Dumbass... the book's a SATIRE... the whole point is to lampoon the police force 4 having this mentality.
No1 asks Vernon to tell his story, and he himself figures that this will all blow over bcuz HE knows hes innocent. He keeps this sumwhat naive belief all the way up to his Lethal Injection room.
So on to his family life once he's released from the sherrif and the fat-*ss deputy Vaine Gurie. Oh yeah, to clear that up, the whole book is teeming with fat ppl... his mom is, her posse is; the town eats well, and has every diet memorized.
Ok well let me sum up his mommy for you:
She talks in circles
She and her "friends" are obsessed with attention
They're poor
They all avoid major problems unless they can gossip
Then comes in the main bastard of the entire book: Mr. Eulalio Ledesma... dont get me wrong... there are other bastards... but he's the King F*cker as far as misfortunes for Vernon go.
Pretends to be Vernon's friend at first and tells him he's a reporter that can air the truth about Vernon, so that he can be taken off trial. Well, Vernon believes him n gives him permission...
...and that chicken pulls a 180 on Little, making him look like the villain of the year.
By the way, he's not a real reporter. No where in this book was there ever a real reporter. And that's DBC Pierre's (hes the autor) way of shooting one of his satiric barbs at the media. All crooks and opportunists twisting the truth to manipulate America and their views over everything, impressionable, gullible fools that they be (which would explain the mentality of Vernon's small town doesnt it?)
"Vernon is surrounded by selfishness and corruption and he moves through it all as a kind of imperfect innocent, an unlucky pilgrim trying to understand the world, armed only with empathy and a talent for spotting bullshit. Through his experience, the America of today emerges - and it's not a pretty sight, wallowing in a kind of deep dishonesty that Vernon's own desperate lies can never match. " -another review
Well neways, after going to court, the judge decides Vernon should see a psych who can evaluate him and sends him to go see a "Dr Goosens". Yet another bastard for the book. Tho i must admit he's REMOTELY helpful at the very end for exposing sum truth to the whole "why J. Navarro went insane" thing at the end ::maniacal laughter::
*Ahem* Goosens is a sicko. Perverted mofo who tries molesting Vernon while at his appointment. Vernon realizes whats going on and goes running out of there.
Alright, so hes going thru freakin hell right now... all of America is listening to freakin Ledesma's story and his own town (and his mother) dont believe hes innocent nemore.
What else would go wrong...
well, how about coming home and finding ur mom f*ckin the same wanna-be reporter that framed you?
Yeah that's g2 suck...
After a while Vernon realizes... theres no good coming out of this. So he decides to run away to Mexico.
B4 he does, he finds out about who Ledesma really is, sum broke media fixer from Nacogdoches. When he tries exposing him his mom n her biddies are too stupid and biased to realize the truth of what he's saying...
...man if u read this book u know how much thru the whoooole thing u wanna rip everyone's hair out...
Ok nehow, with the help of this simpleton Ella (who he later falls for :-D awww) he finishes his plan of running away to Mexico and is off. On the way he stops in San Antonio to ask the freakin blonde he was currently in luv with to run away with him. Uggggggh what a bitch i wanted to run her over, back up n do it again... geeeeeez...
Well neways her name is Taylor and shes i think 3 yrs older than him... very very stupid, very very annoying... but hes "head over heels in luv with her" and "slayed" when he finds out shes seeing sum1. Neways, her being a dork as she is, knowing tht hes a "bad boy", she decides to help him but right then his mom's friend Leona shows up so he goes running, leaving Taylor there even more baffled than she was most likely born as.
Well nehow! He arrives in Mexico without a cent, gets drunk at a bar and meets all sorts of new friends here. They give him sum money for his clothes and give him a ride to the beach house hes been dreaming of in Acapulco. Mexico would be perfect for him, but then one day he calls Taylor to see how she is and she offers to bring him 600 dollars if he'll meet her at sum hotel there. So he goes and she ends up seducing him for a "confession" that he killed all those ppl...
...dumbass... but hes a guy, a victim of his own horomones.
Ledesma had offered her fame for her cooperation. And like i sed, shes a ditz so she went for it.
So the officers arrest Vernon and pretty soon hes on trial again, but this time he finds out theyre accusing him for not only his classmates murders, but a bunch of random killings all over TX! On the bright side, hes stuck with a really good lawyer who is able to get him out of those murders, and actually its bcuz of him that u find out everything that happened to Jesus Navarro that made him go crazy... f*ckin faggots Nuckles and Goosens had corrupted him so badly for sum gay porn site that when he figured out what was going on n got sick of his classmates ridiculing him, he snapped n shot em all. He missed Nuckles tho... and accidently hit his only other friend, Lori. Thats when he commits suicide.
Well stupid Ledesma by this time has bcome so freakin rich and popular theres no nailing him in court, so that last shot which the lawyer Brian misses screws him over... esp when Nuckles comes in n testifies against Vernon... and he being the only one that couldve defended Vernon's alibi that he wasnt at the murders cuz he was running errands for the f*cker.
Death Row for Mr. Little.
"Me ves y sufres"
Ugh sickest part of the story... Ledesma makes like, an American Idol thing for the death row prisoners... but instead of America choosing who has the best voice, they vote on who dies next. Gee i wonder what DBC Pierre was making fun of this time?
In jail Vernon learns a lesson on how to give ppl what they want... and how this can serve his purposes. I wish i could explain that for u, but ud have to read the chapter. Well a summary is: he gives Taylor the story she's wanted to help boost her new media career, he gives Ledesma the location of the gun that Jesus had been talking about... and it results in that Gurie n her SWAT team come in n see Ledesma holding the firearm, he thinx hes in trouble, starts firing (accidently shoots Taylors butt mwahaha) and gets open fired on. Mwahaha.
Meanwhile, Vernon's in the execution room. But right then the phone rings... his apeal came thru thanx to his first lawyer's never ending search for evidence that Vernon Little was innocent. And he finds it: Believe it or not, the notes that Vernon wiped his butt with out in the middle of nowhere, proving that he'd been telling the truth that he hadnt been at the school during the shootout.
So he returns home... packs his stuff, takes Ella, and goes back to Mexico, where his life was so much better ;-)
Other things 2 notice thru the book:
1. The guy's name was "Jesus" and Vernon uses refernces to "nailing himself to the cross" often.
2. He talks about knives that ur parents put into u when ur born... knives they twitch to make u feel guilty... and it isnt until the end that u figure out its his conscience.
3. He is constantly saying "What kind of life is this?" ... now gee i wonder why.
Overall... an INCEREDIBLY disturbing book... which was shockingly hilarious from start to finish. I had my mouth opened in horror and despair at the same time that i fought back tears of mirth from the side- splitting comic genius of it all.
Rating: Between R and PG13. Siiick book, but so freakin well written!
On to the book:
*ahem* Vernon Gregory Little is a 15 yr old student at a high school in TX where a shoot out takes place. 16 students are shot while Vernon himself is off the school grounds running an errand for his teacher, Mr. Marion Nuckles. While on these errands he gets side tracked when he sees his best friend Jesus Navarro run out of the school n bike to God knows where... actually Vernon DOES know where... sumwhere they both used to hang out in, where they had 2 guns stored. So Vernon runs after him, but b4 he can stop him, he needs to take a dump so in the middle of nowhere he shits, wipes his butt with sum notes, and hurries after Navarro... arriving too late.
When he returns, he sees Navarro standing over the body of his other friend Lori, crying and holding her limp form. He then takes the gun, aims it in his mouth, and squeezes the trigger, ending his own life.
"Everybody knows Jesus is ultimately to blame"... but since Vernon was Jesus' only friend, the police automatically assume he had sumthing to do with it, and drag him to the sherrif's office to "get to the bottom of the matter"
As Vernon himself would say, "F*ck that."
Bcuz they are already convinced Vern is an accessory and no alibi in the world can convince these idiot-small-towners now.
I read a review for this book where the girl idiodically states that if right off Vernon had just told his story, all of this could be avoided.
To quote Vernon again: "Like, duh."
Dumbass... the book's a SATIRE... the whole point is to lampoon the police force 4 having this mentality.
No1 asks Vernon to tell his story, and he himself figures that this will all blow over bcuz HE knows hes innocent. He keeps this sumwhat naive belief all the way up to his Lethal Injection room.
So on to his family life once he's released from the sherrif and the fat-*ss deputy Vaine Gurie. Oh yeah, to clear that up, the whole book is teeming with fat ppl... his mom is, her posse is; the town eats well, and has every diet memorized.
Ok well let me sum up his mommy for you:
She talks in circles
She and her "friends" are obsessed with attention
They're poor
They all avoid major problems unless they can gossip
Then comes in the main bastard of the entire book: Mr. Eulalio Ledesma... dont get me wrong... there are other bastards... but he's the King F*cker as far as misfortunes for Vernon go.
Pretends to be Vernon's friend at first and tells him he's a reporter that can air the truth about Vernon, so that he can be taken off trial. Well, Vernon believes him n gives him permission...
...and that chicken pulls a 180 on Little, making him look like the villain of the year.
By the way, he's not a real reporter. No where in this book was there ever a real reporter. And that's DBC Pierre's (hes the autor) way of shooting one of his satiric barbs at the media. All crooks and opportunists twisting the truth to manipulate America and their views over everything, impressionable, gullible fools that they be (which would explain the mentality of Vernon's small town doesnt it?)
"Vernon is surrounded by selfishness and corruption and he moves through it all as a kind of imperfect innocent, an unlucky pilgrim trying to understand the world, armed only with empathy and a talent for spotting bullshit. Through his experience, the America of today emerges - and it's not a pretty sight, wallowing in a kind of deep dishonesty that Vernon's own desperate lies can never match. " -another review
Well neways, after going to court, the judge decides Vernon should see a psych who can evaluate him and sends him to go see a "Dr Goosens". Yet another bastard for the book. Tho i must admit he's REMOTELY helpful at the very end for exposing sum truth to the whole "why J. Navarro went insane" thing at the end ::maniacal laughter::
*Ahem* Goosens is a sicko. Perverted mofo who tries molesting Vernon while at his appointment. Vernon realizes whats going on and goes running out of there.
Alright, so hes going thru freakin hell right now... all of America is listening to freakin Ledesma's story and his own town (and his mother) dont believe hes innocent nemore.
What else would go wrong...
well, how about coming home and finding ur mom f*ckin the same wanna-be reporter that framed you?
Yeah that's g2 suck...
After a while Vernon realizes... theres no good coming out of this. So he decides to run away to Mexico.
B4 he does, he finds out about who Ledesma really is, sum broke media fixer from Nacogdoches. When he tries exposing him his mom n her biddies are too stupid and biased to realize the truth of what he's saying...
...man if u read this book u know how much thru the whoooole thing u wanna rip everyone's hair out...
Ok nehow, with the help of this simpleton Ella (who he later falls for :-D awww) he finishes his plan of running away to Mexico and is off. On the way he stops in San Antonio to ask the freakin blonde he was currently in luv with to run away with him. Uggggggh what a bitch i wanted to run her over, back up n do it again... geeeeeez...
Well neways her name is Taylor and shes i think 3 yrs older than him... very very stupid, very very annoying... but hes "head over heels in luv with her" and "slayed" when he finds out shes seeing sum1. Neways, her being a dork as she is, knowing tht hes a "bad boy", she decides to help him but right then his mom's friend Leona shows up so he goes running, leaving Taylor there even more baffled than she was most likely born as.
Well nehow! He arrives in Mexico without a cent, gets drunk at a bar and meets all sorts of new friends here. They give him sum money for his clothes and give him a ride to the beach house hes been dreaming of in Acapulco. Mexico would be perfect for him, but then one day he calls Taylor to see how she is and she offers to bring him 600 dollars if he'll meet her at sum hotel there. So he goes and she ends up seducing him for a "confession" that he killed all those ppl...
...dumbass... but hes a guy, a victim of his own horomones.
Ledesma had offered her fame for her cooperation. And like i sed, shes a ditz so she went for it.
So the officers arrest Vernon and pretty soon hes on trial again, but this time he finds out theyre accusing him for not only his classmates murders, but a bunch of random killings all over TX! On the bright side, hes stuck with a really good lawyer who is able to get him out of those murders, and actually its bcuz of him that u find out everything that happened to Jesus Navarro that made him go crazy... f*ckin faggots Nuckles and Goosens had corrupted him so badly for sum gay porn site that when he figured out what was going on n got sick of his classmates ridiculing him, he snapped n shot em all. He missed Nuckles tho... and accidently hit his only other friend, Lori. Thats when he commits suicide.
Well stupid Ledesma by this time has bcome so freakin rich and popular theres no nailing him in court, so that last shot which the lawyer Brian misses screws him over... esp when Nuckles comes in n testifies against Vernon... and he being the only one that couldve defended Vernon's alibi that he wasnt at the murders cuz he was running errands for the f*cker.
Death Row for Mr. Little.
"Me ves y sufres"
Ugh sickest part of the story... Ledesma makes like, an American Idol thing for the death row prisoners... but instead of America choosing who has the best voice, they vote on who dies next. Gee i wonder what DBC Pierre was making fun of this time?
In jail Vernon learns a lesson on how to give ppl what they want... and how this can serve his purposes. I wish i could explain that for u, but ud have to read the chapter. Well a summary is: he gives Taylor the story she's wanted to help boost her new media career, he gives Ledesma the location of the gun that Jesus had been talking about... and it results in that Gurie n her SWAT team come in n see Ledesma holding the firearm, he thinx hes in trouble, starts firing (accidently shoots Taylors butt mwahaha) and gets open fired on. Mwahaha.
Meanwhile, Vernon's in the execution room. But right then the phone rings... his apeal came thru thanx to his first lawyer's never ending search for evidence that Vernon Little was innocent. And he finds it: Believe it or not, the notes that Vernon wiped his butt with out in the middle of nowhere, proving that he'd been telling the truth that he hadnt been at the school during the shootout.
So he returns home... packs his stuff, takes Ella, and goes back to Mexico, where his life was so much better ;-)
Other things 2 notice thru the book:
1. The guy's name was "Jesus" and Vernon uses refernces to "nailing himself to the cross" often.
2. He talks about knives that ur parents put into u when ur born... knives they twitch to make u feel guilty... and it isnt until the end that u figure out its his conscience.
3. He is constantly saying "What kind of life is this?" ... now gee i wonder why.
Overall... an INCEREDIBLY disturbing book... which was shockingly hilarious from start to finish. I had my mouth opened in horror and despair at the same time that i fought back tears of mirth from the side- splitting comic genius of it all.
Rating: Between R and PG13. Siiick book, but so freakin well written!