so, heres whats been going on lately
i have become pretty miserable with my current situation. im living in a hotel, alone, with no mode of transportation. im also not getting laid wich really dosnt help with my mood. so what am i going to do about it, right?
well, for starters im making an effort to drink less at work, a couple of super hung over mornings has been helping out with that one. lol. im also making an effort to stop just sitting around hanging out with people that dont want dances, wich is going to be really difficult when a friend comes in but i think i have a system worked out so that i can make it happen and still be able to spend some time with my friends. im also making an effort to be on my phone less on the floor wich has been pretty easy since my phone is all half broken and a piece of junk. i am currently saving my cash up for a little scooter so i can get back and forth without having to pay a cab wich will save me 20 a day and add an extra 20 on most days because ill be more likely to get to work for shift pay. once i do that it should be easier for me to save up the money to move into an apartment farther from the club. i am also seriously concidering trying to take on a roomate. just a couch hopper who will give me 100 a week to sleep on my couch, and really its not even about the money its more about me not being alone. dont get me wrong, i love having time to myself but i get so lonely sometimes and then i do stupid shit or i get so desparate for a little attention that i wierd people out. problem is that most strippers cant be trusted and the ones that can generally already have thier shit together.
heres whats been going on with my dating life
Brandon- i broke things off with him. im probobly going to get some shit for this because hes a good guy, but things just werent working with him. i rarely ever got so see him when one of us wasnt working and it has been complicating me getting my shit together. we would see eachother sometimes early in the morning, like still dark out early, wich fucked with my much needed sleep. sometimes we would see eachother at the club and i would just sit and hang with him instead of trying to make money. what made it all even more fucked up was that, after the sacrifices i would make to hang out with him, we would be so worried about what i might have been doing while he wasnt around tha we couldnt even enjoy our time together. it just had to end. we are going to go on one last date, but i told him it had to be at a normal time like normal people, so it may not ever happen.
Domino- the newest addition to things. i finally got my female. lol. she is so hot and we have so much fun together. her boyfriend is really good about the no touching me rules, but unfortunately he has his own list of rules for me and her. like no messing around when hes not around, wich is pretty gay, but ill live. the other is no other guys, for now this is not a problem cause im not serious with any guys, but it will eventually make me stop seeing her. if i get serious with a guy it then becomes both guys get to watch or niether of them do, such are the rules.
Andre- so, andre has rejected my advances for something a little more serious, wich is probobly for the better with the haunt coming anyway cause im not going to have alot of time for a relationship. im really really unsure on what he wants and how he feels so i am just going to stop trying to make things happen with him. im not going to send him messages unless he sends me one first (with the exception of the drunk texts that i cant stop myself from sending to him). i am going to stop taking off days im supposed to be working to try and see him and as far as trying not to spend so much time with him when he comes to the club, well, we will see how that works out when it happens next. but i am giving up on trying, he knows i want him and if he wants me he will show me.
Yun- he is probobly the sweetest, least complicated guy im messing with right now but for some reason the chemistry hasnt developed. i dont understand it. we have so much fun together, hes down to try just about anything, he listens to the things i say, hes smart, hes romantic and he really thinks alot of me. to the point that he assumes i must be able to pull in guys so much better than him that hes too nervous to sleep with me. maybe it would help with the chemistry if he had better self confidence?
whats mesed up about this is that they all wont sleep with me because they think i am sleeping with the rest of them, and the only person i have fucked in the past couple of months is a girl.
in other news, im going to try to get on medication for my depression. it is to the point that it is ruining my life. its part of the reason i have fucked up relationships with people, its part of the reason i cant motivate myself to work, and its a big part of the reason why i am not handeling life on my own well. i got the numbers to some clinics that will help me for cheep and possibly let me pay out my bill. i know ive been a big anti-medication person in the past, but i just cant do this anymore, i cant function like a normal person and thats really all i want.
well, for starters im making an effort to drink less at work, a couple of super hung over mornings has been helping out with that one. lol. im also making an effort to stop just sitting around hanging out with people that dont want dances, wich is going to be really difficult when a friend comes in but i think i have a system worked out so that i can make it happen and still be able to spend some time with my friends. im also making an effort to be on my phone less on the floor wich has been pretty easy since my phone is all half broken and a piece of junk. i am currently saving my cash up for a little scooter so i can get back and forth without having to pay a cab wich will save me 20 a day and add an extra 20 on most days because ill be more likely to get to work for shift pay. once i do that it should be easier for me to save up the money to move into an apartment farther from the club. i am also seriously concidering trying to take on a roomate. just a couch hopper who will give me 100 a week to sleep on my couch, and really its not even about the money its more about me not being alone. dont get me wrong, i love having time to myself but i get so lonely sometimes and then i do stupid shit or i get so desparate for a little attention that i wierd people out. problem is that most strippers cant be trusted and the ones that can generally already have thier shit together.
heres whats been going on with my dating life
Brandon- i broke things off with him. im probobly going to get some shit for this because hes a good guy, but things just werent working with him. i rarely ever got so see him when one of us wasnt working and it has been complicating me getting my shit together. we would see eachother sometimes early in the morning, like still dark out early, wich fucked with my much needed sleep. sometimes we would see eachother at the club and i would just sit and hang with him instead of trying to make money. what made it all even more fucked up was that, after the sacrifices i would make to hang out with him, we would be so worried about what i might have been doing while he wasnt around tha we couldnt even enjoy our time together. it just had to end. we are going to go on one last date, but i told him it had to be at a normal time like normal people, so it may not ever happen.
Domino- the newest addition to things. i finally got my female. lol. she is so hot and we have so much fun together. her boyfriend is really good about the no touching me rules, but unfortunately he has his own list of rules for me and her. like no messing around when hes not around, wich is pretty gay, but ill live. the other is no other guys, for now this is not a problem cause im not serious with any guys, but it will eventually make me stop seeing her. if i get serious with a guy it then becomes both guys get to watch or niether of them do, such are the rules.
Andre- so, andre has rejected my advances for something a little more serious, wich is probobly for the better with the haunt coming anyway cause im not going to have alot of time for a relationship. im really really unsure on what he wants and how he feels so i am just going to stop trying to make things happen with him. im not going to send him messages unless he sends me one first (with the exception of the drunk texts that i cant stop myself from sending to him). i am going to stop taking off days im supposed to be working to try and see him and as far as trying not to spend so much time with him when he comes to the club, well, we will see how that works out when it happens next. but i am giving up on trying, he knows i want him and if he wants me he will show me.
Yun- he is probobly the sweetest, least complicated guy im messing with right now but for some reason the chemistry hasnt developed. i dont understand it. we have so much fun together, hes down to try just about anything, he listens to the things i say, hes smart, hes romantic and he really thinks alot of me. to the point that he assumes i must be able to pull in guys so much better than him that hes too nervous to sleep with me. maybe it would help with the chemistry if he had better self confidence?
whats mesed up about this is that they all wont sleep with me because they think i am sleeping with the rest of them, and the only person i have fucked in the past couple of months is a girl.
in other news, im going to try to get on medication for my depression. it is to the point that it is ruining my life. its part of the reason i have fucked up relationships with people, its part of the reason i cant motivate myself to work, and its a big part of the reason why i am not handeling life on my own well. i got the numbers to some clinics that will help me for cheep and possibly let me pay out my bill. i know ive been a big anti-medication person in the past, but i just cant do this anymore, i cant function like a normal person and thats really all i want.