Tears fall for those loved and lost...
I just did something very, very stupid... I read the last emails of some very important people to me, before they had died. I was going through my personal filing cabinet on AOL--I'm telling you there was some serious buildup that needed cleaning out--and I turned into a babbling, crying idiot. Thank god Chris didn't show up then. He's supposed to be coming over. He's not here yet, but it'll happen at some point, I think.
But, yeah, it was so stupid of me to read those emails... both Ravyn and Armand. Ravyn was the first real love I ever got and Armand was his brother, and I felt something for him too, technically--I found out later he was falling for me just like his brother had--but we never had a chance to go anywhere with our friendship before he died too.
I feel so helpless sometimes... When it comes to love, friends, family, anything... I'm so afraid my world will come down and crush me one day. My life isn't that hard, but I'm afraid it will get that way and I won't know what to do. And what I'm really afraid of is that I'll have no one who'll help me. I'm so afraid of being alone, with no friends, no family, no one to care or love me. I know it's very unlikely, but it's still my fear.
Anyhow, I'm ICP just to get my mind off of what I read and felt because of it. I hate doing that, because then I feel selfish because I want them back... Any how, Chris is here, gotta run.
Loves,
~Rio~
But, yeah, it was so stupid of me to read those emails... both Ravyn and Armand. Ravyn was the first real love I ever got and Armand was his brother, and I felt something for him too, technically--I found out later he was falling for me just like his brother had--but we never had a chance to go anywhere with our friendship before he died too.
I feel so helpless sometimes... When it comes to love, friends, family, anything... I'm so afraid my world will come down and crush me one day. My life isn't that hard, but I'm afraid it will get that way and I won't know what to do. And what I'm really afraid of is that I'll have no one who'll help me. I'm so afraid of being alone, with no friends, no family, no one to care or love me. I know it's very unlikely, but it's still my fear.
Anyhow, I'm ICP just to get my mind off of what I read and felt because of it. I hate doing that, because then I feel selfish because I want them back... Any how, Chris is here, gotta run.
Loves,
~Rio~