Fiction
I wrote a piece of fiction, it's untitled at the moment.
"So I yelled 'THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPLIES THEE!' at it and it worked".
"Odd, I tried the same thing it worked even less," he took a sip of coffee and poked his laptop a few times before sliding it across the table. "Here, you try."
She looked at the laptop, and then her friend, and then back at the laptop again. It was set to compile when she pressed 'enter'. She looked around to make sure there was no one there. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPILES THEE!" She hit enter and slide the laptop back.
He looked stunned and stared for a while, watching as the programe compiled. He sipped his coffee, "well I never . . "
She took a sip of her coffee, "it must be a believers thing . . "
He looked quizically at her, "I am a believer, y'know."
"You believe the wrong thing."
"Oh."
She leaned over and whispered, "between you and me, I've heard rumours that he thinks unbelievers smell, and so he curses them."
"What curse?"
"A curse to make them smell!"
He blinked vacantly, "if he curses them to make them smell, why does he curse them because they smell?"
She made drinking motions.
A look of realisation spread across his face, "that'd explain his first miracle."
"And the prostitutes."
"Those too." He sipped his coffee. "So why did he let them crucify him?"
She sipped her coffee and through the empty cup into a bin. "Hangover."
He nodded sagely. "Then I shall become the anti christ!"
"I'll suppose you'll be turning wine into water then?"
He looked shocked. "Hell no! I'm turning water into vodka!"
"Fair enough." She got up and went to the coffee machine, pushed a new cup under the nozzle and pressed 'latte'. "What about the feeding of the five thousand? What will do to counter that? Steal all the bread and fish?"
"Nope," he said and prodded his laptop a bit. "I have a much better plan." He finished his coffee.
"Oh? Do tell." She sat back at the table and he went to the coffee machine.
"I'll eat them." He pressed the mochachino button.
She looked slightly shocked. "You'll eat five thousand people? What about me?"
He smiled at her. "Don't worry, I won't eat you. I need someone to cook them for me."
She looked slightly releaved. "Oh." She sipped her coffee. "I've never cooked human flesh before."
He sat down. "It's like pork." He took a sip of coffee, "apparantly", he took another sip.
"So I suppose you'll be wanting apple sauce then?"
"Maybe on the first few, it'll get boring after a while."
She nodded looking somewhat thoughtful. "I'll have to dig through my mum's cook books then, she's bound to have some good recipes."
"Right-o, I'll get onto the morgues, get us some corpses." He was about to get up and go when she put her hand on his arm.
"Just one question, if you don't mind?"
"Sure."
"What was it that I compiled?"
"The necronomican." He closed his laptop and put it in his bag.
She smiled, "how fitting, the power of Christ compiling that."
He grinned, "It's great, isn't it?" He checked the time. "I must be off, see yas." He put his bag over his shoulder, picked up his coffee and walked off, leaving her to think about pork recipes.
And here's some puppies for good measure:
"So I yelled 'THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPLIES THEE!' at it and it worked".
"Odd, I tried the same thing it worked even less," he took a sip of coffee and poked his laptop a few times before sliding it across the table. "Here, you try."
She looked at the laptop, and then her friend, and then back at the laptop again. It was set to compile when she pressed 'enter'. She looked around to make sure there was no one there. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPILES THEE!" She hit enter and slide the laptop back.
He looked stunned and stared for a while, watching as the programe compiled. He sipped his coffee, "well I never . . "
She took a sip of her coffee, "it must be a believers thing . . "
He looked quizically at her, "I am a believer, y'know."
"You believe the wrong thing."
"Oh."
She leaned over and whispered, "between you and me, I've heard rumours that he thinks unbelievers smell, and so he curses them."
"What curse?"
"A curse to make them smell!"
He blinked vacantly, "if he curses them to make them smell, why does he curse them because they smell?"
She made drinking motions.
A look of realisation spread across his face, "that'd explain his first miracle."
"And the prostitutes."
"Those too." He sipped his coffee. "So why did he let them crucify him?"
She sipped her coffee and through the empty cup into a bin. "Hangover."
He nodded sagely. "Then I shall become the anti christ!"
"I'll suppose you'll be turning wine into water then?"
He looked shocked. "Hell no! I'm turning water into vodka!"
"Fair enough." She got up and went to the coffee machine, pushed a new cup under the nozzle and pressed 'latte'. "What about the feeding of the five thousand? What will do to counter that? Steal all the bread and fish?"
"Nope," he said and prodded his laptop a bit. "I have a much better plan." He finished his coffee.
"Oh? Do tell." She sat back at the table and he went to the coffee machine.
"I'll eat them." He pressed the mochachino button.
She looked slightly shocked. "You'll eat five thousand people? What about me?"
He smiled at her. "Don't worry, I won't eat you. I need someone to cook them for me."
She looked slightly releaved. "Oh." She sipped her coffee. "I've never cooked human flesh before."
He sat down. "It's like pork." He took a sip of coffee, "apparantly", he took another sip.
"So I suppose you'll be wanting apple sauce then?"
"Maybe on the first few, it'll get boring after a while."
She nodded looking somewhat thoughtful. "I'll have to dig through my mum's cook books then, she's bound to have some good recipes."
"Right-o, I'll get onto the morgues, get us some corpses." He was about to get up and go when she put her hand on his arm.
"Just one question, if you don't mind?"
"Sure."
"What was it that I compiled?"
"The necronomican." He closed his laptop and put it in his bag.
She smiled, "how fitting, the power of Christ compiling that."
He grinned, "It's great, isn't it?" He checked the time. "I must be off, see yas." He put his bag over his shoulder, picked up his coffee and walked off, leaving her to think about pork recipes.
And here's some puppies for good measure: