What Love Means (1/1) A Doctor/Rose Ficlet.
Title: The Hearts and Minds Collection: What Love Means
Author: angelofprey
Character/Pairing: TenII/Rose, mentions of Ten/Rose
Rating: G
Summary: The Doctor finds that he has an a question to ask Rose.
Disclaimer: I don't Own Doctor Who or the BBC. They own me...
Author's Notes: He look! I'm back! This popped into my head after watching Silence in the Library and Forests of the Dead for a second time. For anyone who cares, I haven't stopped writing the Snow Queen, I'm just having a hard time churning out the latest chapter. Also, baby Amelia from my last fic may be popping in to say hello again sometime soon.
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It was late one night when the Doctor realized that he had a question to ask Rose. It wasn’t a happy question, or a typical question, or any sort of question he’d ever asked of her before. In fact, the Doctor wasn’t quite sure what type of question this would be considered. It was tricky, sad, and left a nasty taste in his mouth that hadn’t been there until he’d thought of the question in… well, in question.
He did however, know that this was a question that had to be asked. At this very moment, in fact.
So he turned over in bed and looked at one, Rose Marion Tyler, the potential answerer of the Doctor’s nasty-tasting question. Rose was, as always, looking quite lovely, she was also sitting next to him in their shared bed, in their shared apartment, wearing a set of posh eye glasses that he was sure she hadn’t needed until all the fine print of Torchwood had strained her eyes. She was reading a well-loved book that night, before she would inevitably, reach over, turn out the light, then burrow down under the blankets piled high on their bed, for it was as a matter of fact, the dead of winter. Before drifting off to sleep, but after a tired yawn, she would typically reach over to kiss him goodnight, and then snuggle into his arms. This in itself was a scenario, the Doctor, before a biological metacrisis, would never have dreamed of, not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t.
However, all of these observations were simply the Doctor stalling, and by now Rose had noticed him staring.
“What?” she asked with a soft smile, placing her finger between the covers of her book to keep her place marked on the page.
The Doctor watched that movement for a moment and fought down the urge to scan each and every shadow in the room with his newly completed sonic-screwdriver until he was 100% positive that there was nothing sinister lurking, waiting for them to turn out the light so it could pounce, and devour them before either had the chance to properly work up a scream. His eyes rose to meet hers and the words caught in his throat.
“Doctor?” Rose asked, her face dropping the smile and bordering on concerned. “What’s wrong? You alright?”
“Rose,” the Doctor began, “Can I ask you a question?”
Rose shifted to get a better look at him. “’Course you can.”
The Doctor paused taking in her worried expression. “I love you, you know that right? I don’t say it nearly enough, but I do. When I was a Time Lord I couldn’t say it, but I’m human now so I can, but I don’t, and I should. And I’m sorry for that, and…”
A gentle hand on his cheek cut the flow of his babbling.
“Yeah, I know. And it’s fine that you don’t say it all the time, that makes it special when you do.” Rose said. “S’that all you wanted to ask me?”
“No, that isn’t what I wanted to ask you at all.” The Doctor sighed. “I’m rubbish at this aren’t I?”
Rose smiled affectionately. “S’alright, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”
The Doctor thought for a minute about how to properly phrase his question, then he took a deep breath and began to speak.
“If I-he found someone who doesn’t replace you per say, but… fills in the gaps that you left. Would you feel like I was betraying you, or cheating on you, or anything like that?” At Rose’s quizzical expression he asked. “Do you understand?”
“First off, we talking about you or him?” They didn’t need to explain who “he” was. “He” was the other him, the other Doctor, the one who had left both of them in this universe with so very many questions that they’ve done their best to answer. In the end, they agreed that this him, the him currently lying in bed next to Rose Tyler, was indeed the Doctor, just human, therefore able to express and act on his emotions in ways that the Time Lord Doctor was mentally unable to do, like for instance, saying “I love you” to the woman who meant the world to him.
“Both actually,” The Doctor said, trying to answer her question, “Well, sort of. My past, his past, but his future as well, but not mine.”
Rose nodded, not really understanding at all, but willing to try her best. “I think that, yes, I would feel betrayed. At least at first I would, I’d definitely be hurt. But if this person makes you happy, then I suppose I could live with it. When you truly love someone you are able, if not willing, to let them go, even if it hurts you so much to do it, because you know that they’ll be happy.” She looked at him. “That’s what love means, being ready to do anything for the person that you love, as long as it means that they’ll be happy, or safe, or anything else that’s good.”
They looked at each other for a long time, studying each other in a way and in a light that neither had looked at the other in before.
Suddenly, Rose’s eyes grew sad.
“Have you- Did you find someone else?”
“No!” The Doctor exclaimed. “No, no, no, no! No, nothing like that. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He grinned, and smiled even wider when she returned it. He drew her closer and kissed her on the lips. “No, nothing like that, not ever.”
Rose peered up at him from the safety of his arms, and asked. “Where did all of this come from then, Doctor?”
The Doctor was quiet for a moment, but then began to tell her of one of his adventures with Donna Noble. When he had taken her to The Library after promising a trip to the beach, and how he’d gotten a message signed with a kiss, and how he’d learned that this strange woman he’d never met would someday be someone he trusted so completely that he’d tell her his true name. Rose felt a stab of jealousy at this part.
“When is it that you can tell someone your real name?” Rose asked.
“You’ll be the first to know when it happens.” The Doctor said, trying to move on with his story. Now that everything was getting let out, he didn’t want to stop.
“Doctor, I’m being serious! Don’t you trust me enough to tell me?”
The Doctor sighed. “No Rose, that isn’t it at all. I would love for nothing better than to tell you my name, but I can’t. I really can’t. Besides, ‘a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,’ right?”
“I never understood that line…” Rose said, wrinkling her nose.
“It means that it doesn’t matter what name you give to something, it’s still the same thing. At this point it wouldn’t matter if I were called by my real name, or the Doctor, or John Smith, or even Roger Rabbit! I’d still be me. Get it?”
Rose nodded sadly, but then grinned. “So does that mean I can call you Roger Rabbit now?”
“No, just… no. Don’t even think about it.” He said, looking at her sharply. Rose giggled.
“Alright, Mr. Roger Rabbit.”
“Can I get on with my story?” Rose nodded. “Good.”
So he continued, and when he got to the end Rose understood some of his reasons for asking her.
“So you’re going to meet River again? Well, the other you-- him.”
“Evidently, yeah. But I don’t think it’ll be during this regeneration. She seemed to hint that I looked different when she knew me, and then I had maybe regenerated again the last time I saw her.”
“Did you love her?”
He looked at her solemnly. “Not yet. I’m not entirely sure I ever will… She was a bit vague on that bit. Which is one reason why I don’t think it happens during this regeneration. You were too far ingrained in my psyche for me to ever really move on. I mean the only reason I took a shine to Astrid was because-“
“Who’s Astrid?”
“Ah… I haven’t told you about the Titanic yet, have I?”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I see. Well… Rose can we leave that for another night please?”
Rose looked rather annoyed but settled back into his arms with an, “Alright, you’re off the hook for one night.”
“Rose?” The Doctor said after some silence.
“Yes, Doctor?” she sighed contentedly.
“So you wouldn’t mind, if he regenerated and fell in love with someone else?”
Rose lifted herself onto her elbows. “No.” she said, “I wouldn’t. He needs someone with him, to keep him going, and to tell him when to stop. She sounds like she would be good for that. Besides I’m glad that he does find someone. It means I can stop worrying. I love him too you know. He is you after all.”
“Yeah.” He pulled her to his chest again, and took comfort from her nearness.
“Doctor?” This time it was Rose who broke the silence.
“Yes, Rose?”
“I love you too, yeah? I don’t mind if he falls in love, because he’s not you, I mean physically, you’re here with me, he’s all alone. But you’re all I need, you’re all I want. It’s taken me a while, but I see that. As long as you’re here with me I don’t want anyone else.”
The Doctor smiled, “How long you gonna stay with me?”
Rose smiled back. “Forever.” She promised, again.
Eventually, after settling into each other's arms they found sleep. But not before Rose asked.
“So you ever gonna tell me your real name?”
“Rose,” the Doctor sighed. “I can’t promise you anything… There were rules on Gallifrey, rules that were so deeply set into one’s mind that you can’t ever really get rid of them… I’ll try, I swear I’ll try. But I can’t make any promises that I ever will be able to.”
“Then that’s good enough for me.” She said, but the Doctor knew he was in trouble when her tongue poked out from between her teeth. “Until then I’ll just have to call you Roger Rabbit.”
“Rose!” the Doctor groaned.
“Night, Roger Rabbit!” she said, and snuggled up to him.
“Rose, you’re not serious are you? Rose? Rose! Rose--!”
She cut him off with a goodnight kiss.
“’Night Doctor. Love you.” She whispered, and his arms tightened around her in reply.
And somewhere far away, in another universe, the TARDIS hummed, and the universe spun slowly on.
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A/N: First off: there is so much more to love than what I put in Rose’s explanation. I was going to try and put in more, but I felt that it would be completely irrelevant to what was being said, so forgive me for leaving it out.
Second: This fic popped into my head after watching Silence in the Library and Forests of the Dead for a second time. After seeing the episode for the first time when it aired (and hating River’s guts), I used the River/Doctor conversation about archaeologists to help get me into uni. What do you know, it worked! I got into Cardiff University a week later… (irony? I think not!) So now I find it incredibly hard to hate River, as any self-respecting Doctor/Rose fan should... As a companion, she really will be a lot of fun I think, as a love interest, I’m still iffy, and still a Doctor/Rose fan. However, due to my love for the character of the Doctor, I would much rather see him happy, than see him as angsty and mopey as he was by the end. So I decided that falling for River in the future may not be such a bad thing. Then I realized that TenII, 10.5, Handy, cloen, whatever you like to call him needed to have a very interesting conversation with one Miss Rose Tyler, so I made him do it.
Thanks for reading, please review. I love reviews, reviews are good. Make sure you tell me if I’m getting the characters all wrong and stuff like that. I try very hard to get their voices right, and I’m not sure if I’m quite there yet, especially when I put them in situations which are entirely domestic like this, so let me know if Rose sounds like Rose and the Doctor sounds like the Doctor. (note: where I do try to get their speech patterns correct, I don’t aim to replicate their accents… I would tear my hair out with spellings and having to go back and rewatching constantly (more so than I already do), that is just too much trouble for me for something I do for fun)
Author: angelofprey
Character/Pairing: TenII/Rose, mentions of Ten/Rose
Rating: G
Summary: The Doctor finds that he has an a question to ask Rose.
Disclaimer: I don't Own Doctor Who or the BBC. They own me...
Author's Notes: He look! I'm back! This popped into my head after watching Silence in the Library and Forests of the Dead for a second time. For anyone who cares, I haven't stopped writing the Snow Queen, I'm just having a hard time churning out the latest chapter. Also, baby Amelia from my last fic may be popping in to say hello again sometime soon.
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It was late one night when the Doctor realized that he had a question to ask Rose. It wasn’t a happy question, or a typical question, or any sort of question he’d ever asked of her before. In fact, the Doctor wasn’t quite sure what type of question this would be considered. It was tricky, sad, and left a nasty taste in his mouth that hadn’t been there until he’d thought of the question in… well, in question.
He did however, know that this was a question that had to be asked. At this very moment, in fact.
So he turned over in bed and looked at one, Rose Marion Tyler, the potential answerer of the Doctor’s nasty-tasting question. Rose was, as always, looking quite lovely, she was also sitting next to him in their shared bed, in their shared apartment, wearing a set of posh eye glasses that he was sure she hadn’t needed until all the fine print of Torchwood had strained her eyes. She was reading a well-loved book that night, before she would inevitably, reach over, turn out the light, then burrow down under the blankets piled high on their bed, for it was as a matter of fact, the dead of winter. Before drifting off to sleep, but after a tired yawn, she would typically reach over to kiss him goodnight, and then snuggle into his arms. This in itself was a scenario, the Doctor, before a biological metacrisis, would never have dreamed of, not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t.
However, all of these observations were simply the Doctor stalling, and by now Rose had noticed him staring.
“What?” she asked with a soft smile, placing her finger between the covers of her book to keep her place marked on the page.
The Doctor watched that movement for a moment and fought down the urge to scan each and every shadow in the room with his newly completed sonic-screwdriver until he was 100% positive that there was nothing sinister lurking, waiting for them to turn out the light so it could pounce, and devour them before either had the chance to properly work up a scream. His eyes rose to meet hers and the words caught in his throat.
“Doctor?” Rose asked, her face dropping the smile and bordering on concerned. “What’s wrong? You alright?”
“Rose,” the Doctor began, “Can I ask you a question?”
Rose shifted to get a better look at him. “’Course you can.”
The Doctor paused taking in her worried expression. “I love you, you know that right? I don’t say it nearly enough, but I do. When I was a Time Lord I couldn’t say it, but I’m human now so I can, but I don’t, and I should. And I’m sorry for that, and…”
A gentle hand on his cheek cut the flow of his babbling.
“Yeah, I know. And it’s fine that you don’t say it all the time, that makes it special when you do.” Rose said. “S’that all you wanted to ask me?”
“No, that isn’t what I wanted to ask you at all.” The Doctor sighed. “I’m rubbish at this aren’t I?”
Rose smiled affectionately. “S’alright, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”
The Doctor thought for a minute about how to properly phrase his question, then he took a deep breath and began to speak.
“If I-he found someone who doesn’t replace you per say, but… fills in the gaps that you left. Would you feel like I was betraying you, or cheating on you, or anything like that?” At Rose’s quizzical expression he asked. “Do you understand?”
“First off, we talking about you or him?” They didn’t need to explain who “he” was. “He” was the other him, the other Doctor, the one who had left both of them in this universe with so very many questions that they’ve done their best to answer. In the end, they agreed that this him, the him currently lying in bed next to Rose Tyler, was indeed the Doctor, just human, therefore able to express and act on his emotions in ways that the Time Lord Doctor was mentally unable to do, like for instance, saying “I love you” to the woman who meant the world to him.
“Both actually,” The Doctor said, trying to answer her question, “Well, sort of. My past, his past, but his future as well, but not mine.”
Rose nodded, not really understanding at all, but willing to try her best. “I think that, yes, I would feel betrayed. At least at first I would, I’d definitely be hurt. But if this person makes you happy, then I suppose I could live with it. When you truly love someone you are able, if not willing, to let them go, even if it hurts you so much to do it, because you know that they’ll be happy.” She looked at him. “That’s what love means, being ready to do anything for the person that you love, as long as it means that they’ll be happy, or safe, or anything else that’s good.”
They looked at each other for a long time, studying each other in a way and in a light that neither had looked at the other in before.
Suddenly, Rose’s eyes grew sad.
“Have you- Did you find someone else?”
“No!” The Doctor exclaimed. “No, no, no, no! No, nothing like that. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He grinned, and smiled even wider when she returned it. He drew her closer and kissed her on the lips. “No, nothing like that, not ever.”
Rose peered up at him from the safety of his arms, and asked. “Where did all of this come from then, Doctor?”
The Doctor was quiet for a moment, but then began to tell her of one of his adventures with Donna Noble. When he had taken her to The Library after promising a trip to the beach, and how he’d gotten a message signed with a kiss, and how he’d learned that this strange woman he’d never met would someday be someone he trusted so completely that he’d tell her his true name. Rose felt a stab of jealousy at this part.
“When is it that you can tell someone your real name?” Rose asked.
“You’ll be the first to know when it happens.” The Doctor said, trying to move on with his story. Now that everything was getting let out, he didn’t want to stop.
“Doctor, I’m being serious! Don’t you trust me enough to tell me?”
The Doctor sighed. “No Rose, that isn’t it at all. I would love for nothing better than to tell you my name, but I can’t. I really can’t. Besides, ‘a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,’ right?”
“I never understood that line…” Rose said, wrinkling her nose.
“It means that it doesn’t matter what name you give to something, it’s still the same thing. At this point it wouldn’t matter if I were called by my real name, or the Doctor, or John Smith, or even Roger Rabbit! I’d still be me. Get it?”
Rose nodded sadly, but then grinned. “So does that mean I can call you Roger Rabbit now?”
“No, just… no. Don’t even think about it.” He said, looking at her sharply. Rose giggled.
“Alright, Mr. Roger Rabbit.”
“Can I get on with my story?” Rose nodded. “Good.”
So he continued, and when he got to the end Rose understood some of his reasons for asking her.
“So you’re going to meet River again? Well, the other you-- him.”
“Evidently, yeah. But I don’t think it’ll be during this regeneration. She seemed to hint that I looked different when she knew me, and then I had maybe regenerated again the last time I saw her.”
“Did you love her?”
He looked at her solemnly. “Not yet. I’m not entirely sure I ever will… She was a bit vague on that bit. Which is one reason why I don’t think it happens during this regeneration. You were too far ingrained in my psyche for me to ever really move on. I mean the only reason I took a shine to Astrid was because-“
“Who’s Astrid?”
“Ah… I haven’t told you about the Titanic yet, have I?”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I see. Well… Rose can we leave that for another night please?”
Rose looked rather annoyed but settled back into his arms with an, “Alright, you’re off the hook for one night.”
“Rose?” The Doctor said after some silence.
“Yes, Doctor?” she sighed contentedly.
“So you wouldn’t mind, if he regenerated and fell in love with someone else?”
Rose lifted herself onto her elbows. “No.” she said, “I wouldn’t. He needs someone with him, to keep him going, and to tell him when to stop. She sounds like she would be good for that. Besides I’m glad that he does find someone. It means I can stop worrying. I love him too you know. He is you after all.”
“Yeah.” He pulled her to his chest again, and took comfort from her nearness.
“Doctor?” This time it was Rose who broke the silence.
“Yes, Rose?”
“I love you too, yeah? I don’t mind if he falls in love, because he’s not you, I mean physically, you’re here with me, he’s all alone. But you’re all I need, you’re all I want. It’s taken me a while, but I see that. As long as you’re here with me I don’t want anyone else.”
The Doctor smiled, “How long you gonna stay with me?”
Rose smiled back. “Forever.” She promised, again.
Eventually, after settling into each other's arms they found sleep. But not before Rose asked.
“So you ever gonna tell me your real name?”
“Rose,” the Doctor sighed. “I can’t promise you anything… There were rules on Gallifrey, rules that were so deeply set into one’s mind that you can’t ever really get rid of them… I’ll try, I swear I’ll try. But I can’t make any promises that I ever will be able to.”
“Then that’s good enough for me.” She said, but the Doctor knew he was in trouble when her tongue poked out from between her teeth. “Until then I’ll just have to call you Roger Rabbit.”
“Rose!” the Doctor groaned.
“Night, Roger Rabbit!” she said, and snuggled up to him.
“Rose, you’re not serious are you? Rose? Rose! Rose--!”
She cut him off with a goodnight kiss.
“’Night Doctor. Love you.” She whispered, and his arms tightened around her in reply.
And somewhere far away, in another universe, the TARDIS hummed, and the universe spun slowly on.
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A/N: First off: there is so much more to love than what I put in Rose’s explanation. I was going to try and put in more, but I felt that it would be completely irrelevant to what was being said, so forgive me for leaving it out.
Second: This fic popped into my head after watching Silence in the Library and Forests of the Dead for a second time. After seeing the episode for the first time when it aired (and hating River’s guts), I used the River/Doctor conversation about archaeologists to help get me into uni. What do you know, it worked! I got into Cardiff University a week later… (irony? I think not!) So now I find it incredibly hard to hate River, as any self-respecting Doctor/Rose fan should... As a companion, she really will be a lot of fun I think, as a love interest, I’m still iffy, and still a Doctor/Rose fan. However, due to my love for the character of the Doctor, I would much rather see him happy, than see him as angsty and mopey as he was by the end. So I decided that falling for River in the future may not be such a bad thing. Then I realized that TenII, 10.5, Handy, cloen, whatever you like to call him needed to have a very interesting conversation with one Miss Rose Tyler, so I made him do it.
Thanks for reading, please review. I love reviews, reviews are good. Make sure you tell me if I’m getting the characters all wrong and stuff like that. I try very hard to get their voices right, and I’m not sure if I’m quite there yet, especially when I put them in situations which are entirely domestic like this, so let me know if Rose sounds like Rose and the Doctor sounds like the Doctor. (note: where I do try to get their speech patterns correct, I don’t aim to replicate their accents… I would tear my hair out with spellings and having to go back and rewatching constantly (more so than I already do), that is just too much trouble for me for something I do for fun)