(no subject)
i sorta feel like im having a falling out.
i dont really know how else to explain it. other then that.... i feel like everything ive worked for up to now is useless, and it was some one else dream or something. like, it wasnt me, the things i said places i went people i kissed. wasnt me.
i dont know if i want to be a cop any more. is it going to be fun, am i going to be able to have a family, what if i get shot and die. whos going to want to be a cops wife. its a stressful place.
heh, let alone im not so good with relationships in the first place. thats just another thing ill have working against me. i dont know why i feel so doubtfull right now. i just have to say all this bullshit to get it out of my head.
i dont want to go to middlesex anymore. i want more. i want to go to school out of state far away some where with nice weather, and a beach close by, some where to meet new people, some where to party. but i dont want to go alone. i want to work in law enforcement, or maybe something like that, but what about psychology, ive always been intrested in that, heh maybe i should do something with psychology, be a forensic psychologist, but where do they work, could i get a job doing something ill like, how much will it pay, how hard is it to get a job like that. is there room for improvement,
heh, this is just a jumble of thoughts i need to get out,
i want to go to school in like miami, maybe jwu, or maybe i should go to john jay in brooklyn still, heh, but i wanna continue bartending, maybe i can get a job down there doing it, ill buy a truck and a motorcycle, and drive down, and go to school there, and yea, idk, i wish i just had money so i could do what ever i wanted not worry about college or getting a job and just budget myself and travel and have fun and do what ever i want, but its never that easy, but if i retire early enough, which i would if im a cop, i could still travel and do whatever i want.
i really want to plan this skydiving trip i feel like it will open my mind a lot. heh, even though it will only last about two to three mins,
but the camping trip is next week, and going to be me, joe, tara, john, eric, will, wills gf, and these two other people for a day, and i feel like its going to be kick ass, cause ill probaly do some stuff on my own and hike places just to look around and the waterfall, and stuff, i found my tent sleeping bag and camping stuff that i put into storage when i moved, but i dont know what happen to my fishing knifes and my machette and pocket knifes, i think my dad put them some where, so ill just have to buy new ones, and ill also have to pick up a sling shot cause everyone has one and its going to be free for all, i cant wait, four days, sleeping in a tent, choppin our own fire wood, cooking on open flames, driving off road and hiking up mountains with no cell phone tv, or internet, its going to be just what i need.
heh, well maybe not exactly, it could have been with two other people i would have really liked to come.
i dont really know how else to explain it. other then that.... i feel like everything ive worked for up to now is useless, and it was some one else dream or something. like, it wasnt me, the things i said places i went people i kissed. wasnt me.
i dont know if i want to be a cop any more. is it going to be fun, am i going to be able to have a family, what if i get shot and die. whos going to want to be a cops wife. its a stressful place.
heh, let alone im not so good with relationships in the first place. thats just another thing ill have working against me. i dont know why i feel so doubtfull right now. i just have to say all this bullshit to get it out of my head.
i dont want to go to middlesex anymore. i want more. i want to go to school out of state far away some where with nice weather, and a beach close by, some where to meet new people, some where to party. but i dont want to go alone. i want to work in law enforcement, or maybe something like that, but what about psychology, ive always been intrested in that, heh maybe i should do something with psychology, be a forensic psychologist, but where do they work, could i get a job doing something ill like, how much will it pay, how hard is it to get a job like that. is there room for improvement,
heh, this is just a jumble of thoughts i need to get out,
i want to go to school in like miami, maybe jwu, or maybe i should go to john jay in brooklyn still, heh, but i wanna continue bartending, maybe i can get a job down there doing it, ill buy a truck and a motorcycle, and drive down, and go to school there, and yea, idk, i wish i just had money so i could do what ever i wanted not worry about college or getting a job and just budget myself and travel and have fun and do what ever i want, but its never that easy, but if i retire early enough, which i would if im a cop, i could still travel and do whatever i want.
i really want to plan this skydiving trip i feel like it will open my mind a lot. heh, even though it will only last about two to three mins,
but the camping trip is next week, and going to be me, joe, tara, john, eric, will, wills gf, and these two other people for a day, and i feel like its going to be kick ass, cause ill probaly do some stuff on my own and hike places just to look around and the waterfall, and stuff, i found my tent sleeping bag and camping stuff that i put into storage when i moved, but i dont know what happen to my fishing knifes and my machette and pocket knifes, i think my dad put them some where, so ill just have to buy new ones, and ill also have to pick up a sling shot cause everyone has one and its going to be free for all, i cant wait, four days, sleeping in a tent, choppin our own fire wood, cooking on open flames, driving off road and hiking up mountains with no cell phone tv, or internet, its going to be just what i need.
heh, well maybe not exactly, it could have been with two other people i would have really liked to come.