(no subject)
So while I wait for Ashley and Pat to come scoop me up, and go to work to get my check..there is talk of going to the bar tonight..though I have to be at work at 8am tomorrow...so no getting TOO drunk....I took a look back at my old LJ and went all the way back to December of 04. While others may not know what I was talking about, I know who the entries were about and what they addressed...hello! I wrote them! Anyways..it would appear that the problems I thought I had worked through with someone over the years, had only disappeared for a short time. The hurt feelings, the words that were meant to hurt...it never truly went away. And this has given me a new light and a new question to debate with for the next six days..those of you who know what is going on know why it will take six days. Do I really believe that things will be different? Do I really believe that things will ever be okay? I know he has my heart, hell, he always has...but will it ever stop? Do I want to go back to the way things were? No. I want to make them better. But what if they don't get better. It all comes back to that fate thing I was talking about last night. I know have six days to figure out if it will be I who walk away...rather than being the one the who is walked away from. The only thing I can post to truly express the new dilema that is now infront of me is a song. So have at it!
"Just Might (Make Me Believe)"
I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight
I'm just holding on tight...
I've got someone who loves me more then words can say
And I'm thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face
Still it's hard to find faith..
But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe
Its just day to day tryin' to make ends meet
What I'd give for an address out on easy street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind...
I used to believe in us
When times got tough
But lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough
But if you can can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make me
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe
Perhaps I have reached a crossroads. Either way, it's up to me. Things may work out, and a decision to be with me may be made..but in the end, I have to decide what I really want. As it stands, I want him...but then again, I have six days to figure out if it's truly what I want for the rest of my life. I'm scared, because I've never questioned my love for this person. I'm not so sure I'm questioning it now. Perhaps I am simply being a worry-wort. Who knows. Anywho..I'll try and update when I get home from the club. LATER!!
"Just Might (Make Me Believe)"
I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight
I'm just holding on tight...
I've got someone who loves me more then words can say
And I'm thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face
Still it's hard to find faith..
But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe
Its just day to day tryin' to make ends meet
What I'd give for an address out on easy street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind...
I used to believe in us
When times got tough
But lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough
But if you can can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make me
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe
Perhaps I have reached a crossroads. Either way, it's up to me. Things may work out, and a decision to be with me may be made..but in the end, I have to decide what I really want. As it stands, I want him...but then again, I have six days to figure out if it's truly what I want for the rest of my life. I'm scared, because I've never questioned my love for this person. I'm not so sure I'm questioning it now. Perhaps I am simply being a worry-wort. Who knows. Anywho..I'll try and update when I get home from the club. LATER!!