The Mind Of A Broken Angel
What is happiness? Can you tell
me? Is it the love of a extrodinary man or woman? the lovve of your
family? Being held by the person you hold dear? a good book? a pet? a
good friend who is always there? Someone awnser me that because All I
want is to be happy, all I want is to find someone worth my time, worth
my energy and not take me for all Im worth and leave me emotionally
battered in a pool of my own tears. Someone who will actually care,
someone who will return the love and care I give to them.
3 in a row, must be a new record. Rob took advantage of my trust and when he was finished, well most of you know I cant trust people easily, its extremely hard for me. Rob was the first man i trusted completely and it got me torn up and in the hospital because Iw as stupid and tried to kill myself because my life had been coming down around and me and Rob was just the last straw
Then there was Jason, yeah go me, I was a fool for thinking he cared, he used me and took advantage of my good natureand then cast me aside, I know I didnt give him much trust and when iw as with him it torn me apart at the time but in the end was I wrong? No because he easily moved on and now is with some other chick, and honestly I question how long they have been together. Like was he with ehr when we were having problems? was he with her the whole time he was with me? Those questions run thru my head daily, making me insane. I have people around me helping me get over him but its like there is a piece of me that wont let go. I no longer cry over Jason but there are days soemthing will remind me of him, like a scent or a movie we watched or a song we listened to, or I will come across a piece of his clothing while cleaning. I have packed away everything of his, key chains, his wheelchair ramps & clothes so I wont see them, but it still hurts a little. its been about 4 months since I broke it off with Jason and I admit I am doing better.
Then Larry, yeah he turned out to be a 1st class asshole. Lets see he had a tendency to tell me he would call me and either never call or call 3 hours later than when he said he would call. When he was online he wanted em to only talk to him and no one else, (he lives 20 minutes from me), then he got sick like three weeks ago. The day we planned to meet again he called me and told me he was sick so i said ok, didnt hear from him for a week. Then he pops back on and is like "dont be mad at me" then he promises to call, 5 days alter and no call he gets online and I ask him bout it and he is like "you enver once tried to call me" well tis a bit difficult when you keep promising to send me your numbers and u never do! So then is is like I thought I did, well call em at work tomorrow. I call him at work the next day & am told he no longer works there!! I e mailed him 2 days ago and I know he has been online cause it shows him viewing my profile on My Space.
If I every find a NON asshole guy i may die of shock I really might!
Then theres Matt he is soooooo sweet. And I like him but just as a friend atm. My mother and grandmother have a problem with him causes he not only Gothic but he's black. They said it was cause he is a goth but thats a lie cause then they would dislike me to. So finally granny fesses up and is like "All black men are the same" this stems from my father and my moms ex bf Ivan who were both black and did my mom and my family wrong.
Why can thing be simple for one? Just once?
I have great friends but they are scattered all over the US and parts of Australia, The UK, Canada & Turkey. A great family when they wanna be, but I missing something. I Love my friends to death and my family but as for love(bf gf type) I really feel like giving up on it because it has gotten me nothing but anger and pain. So why bother?
Maybe I have rambled enough, who knows I may ramble more later.
Later Days,
Miss Kitty
3 in a row, must be a new record. Rob took advantage of my trust and when he was finished, well most of you know I cant trust people easily, its extremely hard for me. Rob was the first man i trusted completely and it got me torn up and in the hospital because Iw as stupid and tried to kill myself because my life had been coming down around and me and Rob was just the last straw
Then there was Jason, yeah go me, I was a fool for thinking he cared, he used me and took advantage of my good natureand then cast me aside, I know I didnt give him much trust and when iw as with him it torn me apart at the time but in the end was I wrong? No because he easily moved on and now is with some other chick, and honestly I question how long they have been together. Like was he with ehr when we were having problems? was he with her the whole time he was with me? Those questions run thru my head daily, making me insane. I have people around me helping me get over him but its like there is a piece of me that wont let go. I no longer cry over Jason but there are days soemthing will remind me of him, like a scent or a movie we watched or a song we listened to, or I will come across a piece of his clothing while cleaning. I have packed away everything of his, key chains, his wheelchair ramps & clothes so I wont see them, but it still hurts a little. its been about 4 months since I broke it off with Jason and I admit I am doing better.
Then Larry, yeah he turned out to be a 1st class asshole. Lets see he had a tendency to tell me he would call me and either never call or call 3 hours later than when he said he would call. When he was online he wanted em to only talk to him and no one else, (he lives 20 minutes from me), then he got sick like three weeks ago. The day we planned to meet again he called me and told me he was sick so i said ok, didnt hear from him for a week. Then he pops back on and is like "dont be mad at me" then he promises to call, 5 days alter and no call he gets online and I ask him bout it and he is like "you enver once tried to call me" well tis a bit difficult when you keep promising to send me your numbers and u never do! So then is is like I thought I did, well call em at work tomorrow. I call him at work the next day & am told he no longer works there!! I e mailed him 2 days ago and I know he has been online cause it shows him viewing my profile on My Space.
If I every find a NON asshole guy i may die of shock I really might!
Then theres Matt he is soooooo sweet. And I like him but just as a friend atm. My mother and grandmother have a problem with him causes he not only Gothic but he's black. They said it was cause he is a goth but thats a lie cause then they would dislike me to. So finally granny fesses up and is like "All black men are the same" this stems from my father and my moms ex bf Ivan who were both black and did my mom and my family wrong.
Why can thing be simple for one? Just once?
I have great friends but they are scattered all over the US and parts of Australia, The UK, Canada & Turkey. A great family when they wanna be, but I missing something. I Love my friends to death and my family but as for love(bf gf type) I really feel like giving up on it because it has gotten me nothing but anger and pain. So why bother?
Maybe I have rambled enough, who knows I may ramble more later.
Later Days,
Miss Kitty