Well now.....
Ok so I know I haven’t posted in....... yeah that long. So I guess I have some catching up to do.
Things haven’t really been going my way lately. So far it has been a little over a week and a half since Jerry "let me go" so to speak. Its hard trying to get through , but I’m sure trying. The whole "trying" thing hasn’t worked well though....... Allow me to explain.
Two days ago (Tuesday) Jerry had an "accident" in GYM. It wasn’t anything serious, but it scared me. I cant tell you why, it just did. I wouldn’t leave his side until his mom came and picked him up. The whole time I was with him, he kept telling me to go, like he didn’t want me anywhere near him, that I was going to get into trouble. Thought I knew he was probably right, and I would get into trouble for "skipping", I stayed with him. He probably thought I was just trying to look good so his mom would like me, or that I was trying to be more than a friend, but the truth was. I was just scared. Not only because he was hurt, but because I knew I still loved him. That no matter how much I tried to convince myself it wasn’t true, it was. Here it is Thursday, and I am just now realizing it. * I know there is no future for either of us anymore, He has made that clear to me, but what am I to tell my heart? What am I to do next? Should I keep my *promise* to Matt, my eighteen year old ex- who is about to get out of jail, or lie and tell him I wont go out with him?
BLARG!!! Why dose life have to be so confusing and hurtful!!!
I really need to call my shrink.
* -{well really it was when I was sitting in the middle of SMSgt. Jones` room.}
*promise*- If I am single when he gets out of jail, I will go and be with him again.
Things haven’t really been going my way lately. So far it has been a little over a week and a half since Jerry "let me go" so to speak. Its hard trying to get through , but I’m sure trying. The whole "trying" thing hasn’t worked well though....... Allow me to explain.
Two days ago (Tuesday) Jerry had an "accident" in GYM. It wasn’t anything serious, but it scared me. I cant tell you why, it just did. I wouldn’t leave his side until his mom came and picked him up. The whole time I was with him, he kept telling me to go, like he didn’t want me anywhere near him, that I was going to get into trouble. Thought I knew he was probably right, and I would get into trouble for "skipping", I stayed with him. He probably thought I was just trying to look good so his mom would like me, or that I was trying to be more than a friend, but the truth was. I was just scared. Not only because he was hurt, but because I knew I still loved him. That no matter how much I tried to convince myself it wasn’t true, it was. Here it is Thursday, and I am just now realizing it. * I know there is no future for either of us anymore, He has made that clear to me, but what am I to tell my heart? What am I to do next? Should I keep my *promise* to Matt, my eighteen year old ex- who is about to get out of jail, or lie and tell him I wont go out with him?
BLARG!!! Why dose life have to be so confusing and hurtful!!!
I really need to call my shrink.
* -{well really it was when I was sitting in the middle of SMSgt. Jones` room.}
*promise*- If I am single when he gets out of jail, I will go and be with him again.