In dual home environments with turmoil, I think children often will say what they think the parent wants to hear in order to get what they perceive to be the most love, reward, "fun," etc.
Is it possible Aurora's mother's only reason was that the clothes were too nice? Maybe. Do the children wear their nice clothes you've bought them back to their mother's house? *shrug* Do they have nice clothes at your house? *shrug*
Have you TRULY been able to identify the reason she wasn't able to wear those clothes? The "blah blah blah blah" quote says to me that Aurora didn't reiterate the true explanation. It says to me that she's testing the waters to see how much slack or sway she can get.
Say NOTHING of the disrespect she clearly showed to you about her other parent... Is that not an issue for you? What if she says to her other parent tonight, "dad told me I couldn't bring my favorite toothbrush home because "blah blah blah." Would you appreciate knowing that your daughter had such little respect for you and/or the decision you made to not even be forthright about it when questioned?
What if Aurora wasn't allowed bring a video game console school and the explanation she gave for the teacher's reasoning was "blah blah blah?" Adults might not always be right, but children shouldn't be so ready to disregard their inherent authority. That kind of respect is earned among adults -- Among children, it's taught by both lead and example.
No need to respond. Feel free to delete as desired. =]
The fact that you won't stand behind your words makes them less valuable - to me and to everyone.
Anonymous Coward.
And yes, I have been able to identify the reason, it's that Alli won't let them leave the house. I've talked with her about it, explained in painful detail how it affects the girls and I've received a deaf ear.
Making your child change just so you can control where specific clothes they own is putting the cart before the horse. Don't be stupid - it's a shitty thing to do and a shitty thing to experience as a child. There's no excuse for it.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, will erase that my darling children now have a memory, many of them in fact, of her mother disregarding her feelings so that she can control where articles of clothing that won't matter in 6 months go.
What better way to say I don't care about you as much as I care about an intimate object.
It's like she wants them to be less happy here and anything she can do, including making them less comfortable, she'll do.
I never wanted to believe it, and why would anyone want to? It's a terrible thing to have to think.
But believing it or not has nothing to do with it being true or not.
Allison puts the children's needs behind her selfish desires frequently. believe it or not my kids are living through that just the same.
Also there's not a doubt in my mind that she thinks that what she's doing is okay.
So you mention intentions.
I used to think intentions were the most important thing - they're not. Outcome is the most important, intentions are nice and all but irrelevant.
If you're driving a car and playing with your phone and you crash into someone and kill them, I don't care that you didn't intend to. I care that you consciously made the decisions that led to the outcome.
Allison knows how we feel and she chooses to ignore those feelings. If Aurora & Athena get hurt becuase of her actions, at this point they are intentional; she chose them knowing how we feel.
Just like that person playing with the phone has been told that they shouldn't do it while driving - they've made a decision to ignore the side effects of their actions.
I would ask you to take ownership of that interpretation - If you read through this entire thread top to bottom you'd see my only concern is how this affects the kids.
Furthermore if you knew me at all you'd know I don't hate her.
You can believe whatever it is you need to believe about me to feel better about how *you* feel about this.
It was clear to me months ago that you do not have my children's best interest at heart in your simple refusal to acknolodge my rights as their father and the need for me to be in their life. You defended the actions of someone who is selfishly hurting her own kids to hurt me.
You have no idea what my children have been though or are going through at the hands of your friend. You only think you do.
In the grand scheme of things, you have said that one 'parenting style' is right, contrary to what you pretend to believe.
You've defended the action of my kids being forced to change clothes before they come to my house.
You defend the action of her mother not letting them bring a toy or item they want to bring over here.
You defended the action of her denying the kids their father, unlawfully, and without care for how it affected them.
You're no friend of my children and you're no friend of mine.
Is it possible Aurora's mother's only reason was that the clothes were too nice? Maybe. Do the children wear their nice clothes you've bought them back to their mother's house? *shrug* Do they have nice clothes at your house? *shrug*
Have you TRULY been able to identify the reason she wasn't able to wear those clothes? The "blah blah blah blah" quote says to me that Aurora didn't reiterate the true explanation. It says to me that she's testing the waters to see how much slack or sway she can get.
Say NOTHING of the disrespect she clearly showed to you about her other parent... Is that not an issue for you? What if she says to her other parent tonight, "dad told me I couldn't bring my favorite toothbrush home because "blah blah blah." Would you appreciate knowing that your daughter had such little respect for you and/or the decision you made to not even be forthright about it when questioned?
What if Aurora wasn't allowed bring a video game console school and the explanation she gave for the teacher's reasoning was "blah blah blah?" Adults might not always be right, but children shouldn't be so ready to disregard their inherent authority. That kind of respect is earned among adults -- Among children, it's taught by both lead and example.
No need to respond. Feel free to delete as desired. =]
Reply
Anonymous Coward.
And yes, I have been able to identify the reason, it's that Alli won't let them leave the house. I've talked with her about it, explained in painful detail how it affects the girls and I've received a deaf ear.
Making your child change just so you can control where specific clothes they own is putting the cart before the horse. Don't be stupid - it's a shitty thing to do and a shitty thing to experience as a child. There's no excuse for it.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, will erase that my darling children now have a memory, many of them in fact, of her mother disregarding her feelings so that she can control where articles of clothing that won't matter in 6 months go.
What better way to say I don't care about you as much as I care about an intimate object.
It's like she wants them to be less happy here and anything she can do, including making them less comfortable, she'll do.
Reply
I do not believe that either of you would be so malicious in regards to your daughters.
Reply
I never wanted to believe it, and why would anyone want to? It's a terrible thing to have to think.
But believing it or not has nothing to do with it being true or not.
Allison puts the children's needs behind her selfish desires frequently. believe it or not my kids are living through that just the same.
Also there's not a doubt in my mind that she thinks that what she's doing is okay.
So you mention intentions.
I used to think intentions were the most important thing - they're not. Outcome is the most important, intentions are nice and all but irrelevant.
If you're driving a car and playing with your phone and you crash into someone and kill them, I don't care that you didn't intend to. I care that you consciously made the decisions that led to the outcome.
Allison knows how we feel and she chooses to ignore those feelings. If Aurora & Athena get hurt becuase of her actions, at this point they are intentional; she chose them knowing how we feel.
Just like that person playing with the phone has been told that they shouldn't do it while driving - they've made a decision to ignore the side effects of their actions.
Reply
You seem more than willing to help your children to hate their mother as much as you do. I find that very sad.
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Furthermore if you knew me at all you'd know I don't hate her.
You can believe whatever it is you need to believe about me to feel better about how *you* feel about this.
It was clear to me months ago that you do not have my children's best interest at heart in your simple refusal to acknolodge my rights as their father and the need for me to be in their life. You defended the actions of someone who is selfishly hurting her own kids to hurt me.
You have no idea what my children have been though or are going through at the hands of your friend. You only think you do.
In the grand scheme of things, you have said that one 'parenting style' is right, contrary to what you pretend to believe.
You've defended the action of my kids being forced to change clothes before they come to my house.
You defend the action of her mother not letting them bring a toy or item they want to bring over here.
You defended the action of her denying the kids their father, unlawfully, and without care for how it affected them.
You're no friend of my children and you're no friend of mine.
Have a good life.
Reply
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