Gahh!! Now we've got a big big mess on our hands!!
alright, get ready for an all out vent. You don't even have to read this if you don't want to, but I'm going to be using language and noise!!
GAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm sooo pissed and sick and salty at the world right now!! I f*cking hate sailing in yet I'm up north. Ryan Fisher is a jack a*s and he RUINED my fun times up north and my love for the Barn Theatre. Yea, that's right. I HAVEN'T gone back to the barn SINCE we had a brawl. Now, I'm just sitting in this little club house thing and writing on the computer because I didn't want to go sailing. I HATE sailing with a BURNING passion!!!! I think I need a psychiatrist to talk to or maybe just a vacation. Like a REAL vacation!! Somewhere that I can just get away from everything. I CAN NOT WAIT until we have movement class again EVERYDAY!! Yoga is what puts me at ease, 'specially yoga on a stage. THAT IS WHERE I BELONG!! On-stage, at a stage, in a venue, WHERE EVER!! THAT is where I belong. NOT a sailboat, where it's hott and muggy and sticky and grotesque.
I just f*cking hate it up here!! I wanna go HOME!! I wanna sleep in my OWN bed and be comfortable. I wanna pack for my MONTH at Blue Lake. I wanna just leave for Blue Lake right NOW!!!! I hate this constant pain and tension in my shoulders. YEA!! IT'S THERE!! I've gotten a massage once and the massage therapist was WORRIED about me. She said that at my young age I SHOULDN'T have THIS much stress!! But ya know what?? IT'S THERE!! It's been there for A WHILE!! But whatever, that's just my own body taking it's stress-out on my poor shoulders!!
What do I do?? Do I just take a deep breath, think about something (or in my case SOMEONE) that makes me feel at ease and just stick it out?? I suppose, but honestly, I don't know how to calm down. I CONSTANTLY have to be doing SOMETHING!! I CAN'T just sit around doing absolutely NOTHING!! Doing NOTHING drives me INSANE!! That's WHY I'm constantly chewing on gum or listening to my iPod. It's a way for me to keep busy with NO ONE else bothering me. I just can't wait to get out on my own.
GAHH!! I said it once and I'll say it again....F*ck it I can't win anymore!! Pray for me, think about me, but don't feel sorry for me. I'm cynical, pissed-off, pessimistic, salty, annoyed, and anxious.
~Trish~
xoxo