ana
copied from 1_danceissues written by sk8sisterOh Ana, how it's been a while.. Too long, hasn't it? I was stupid to let them take you away. I was dumb and misled. I was a coward, I let them. I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Now, I want you back. I'm coming back to you, begging on my knees. My fat, gross knees. You see me now, and you laugh at
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This puts an idealistic, magazine cover based, and emptyness driven value at the position of a diety, making more and more apparent that annorexia is used just as much to fill the numbness in lives as is religion in those who believe in it blindly. For any scorn or spite you've ever given to any empty minded religious fanatic, you're no better.
Laura, if there's anything I've noticed about you, and I'm done being discreet now, because you've obviously lost your shame as well, you crave attention. Whether it's attention because of your body, or because you're depressed, or whatever, you want attention, and you'll take any kind you get, including pity attention. That falls right to your 'music.' I don't know where this begins, whether it's because you grew up as the average-grade chubby girl next to a 'perfect' sister, or something else, but it's way more than apparent. It's desctructive. I'd tell you to break away from the habit, but that's too simple for this. We'll talk about it later.
I begin to wonder if annorexia is just about attention too. Whoever wrote this mentions the pain and the dying. It eerily reminds me of cutting, and inflicting pain on oneself. From what I understand, people start cutting because they somehow find solace and stress relief from knowing they put the pain there. I also remember reading that somehow the pain fills numbness and emptiness in a person's life, which I belive may work on a more subconcious level, but I can't say for sure, I'm just speculating.
Moving on, however, this goal isn't only just a weak attempt to put meaning into her life, it's harmful. Margaret Cho, arguably one of the best asian-american actresses that ever lived, is overweight. She tried, in a very annorexic way, to lose weight. Her kidney's collapsed and she almost died. Is that what you want?
You are simply you, and you're beautiful the way you are. I don't care if you don't want to believe that, it's true. If that means you have one less destructive habit to try to fill your life with, that's the reality of it. You need meaning and direction in your life. You have none, and you're filling that gap with the most harmful possible things. I don't know where this all starts, but I'm going to find out. We'll talk later about it.
This goes deeper than just weight, I know that much.
And don't ignore this, or just skim over it. Read every single word. Don't run away from it.
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