The Smart Thing to Do...
In my last post, I worried about my own selfishness and how I could be better to keep my mind on my Master's needs and desires. I want to put him before me in all things. It's hard to gauge my progress myself so I don't really know how well I'm doing. But it has definitely been on my mind and it caused me to realize how selfish and spoiled I am. A lot of it is instinctual. I never realized how much I ask of Master nor how much I whine. So it's been an effort trying to stop that. This last week has been a lot of backpedaling. I would ask/demand/whine for something and Master would agree. But then I would realize how spoiled I was being and try to take it back or convince him that I didn't need/want it but it would be too late. Once he knows I want something he will do anything to get it for me.
I have always known that he was my whole meaning for living and that I would do anything for him and he's always said the same but I didn't know how completely we were mutually wrapped around each others' fingers until this last week. Master and I have both been trying to lose weight and budget more but we have both been failing spectacularly. Our lives are too busy to cook or eat healthy. Our job gives us free unhealthy food and Master is into music and so his hobby gets pretty expensive sometimes. This adventure into dieting, budgeting, and bdsm has shown me something about our relationship I never knew. Master has a hard time telling me no, and if we're going to succeed in any of this then I'm going to have to be stronger. Master's control is borne from mine and control is what we will need to succeed.
Now, that we have established that, back to finding a way to please Master and out his needs before my own. I want Master to be happy. Having said that, I'm not stupid. I know I can't make him happy all the time everyday but none the less there are things I can do to not make him less happy. I knew of something that I could do that made him happy. For example, I know he likes it when I wear my hair down and looking nice. I know he likes a clean house. But that's about it. Without a deadline and clear guidelines as to what he wanted I would flounder between chores for hours all while watching t.v. and eventually get nothing done. Finally I decided to do the SMART thing I should have done all along. I asked him. More specifically I asked him if he would mind giving me something to do. And he agreed. Everyday he will give me one task that I need to get done sometime before we go to sleep. Today was 'wash the dishes'. He literally left to pick up pizza and by the time he got back, they were done. It was the fastest I had moved my ass all week and apparently just what I needed. Now, the hardest part will be making sure neither of us forget to assign me a task. :)
I have always known that he was my whole meaning for living and that I would do anything for him and he's always said the same but I didn't know how completely we were mutually wrapped around each others' fingers until this last week. Master and I have both been trying to lose weight and budget more but we have both been failing spectacularly. Our lives are too busy to cook or eat healthy. Our job gives us free unhealthy food and Master is into music and so his hobby gets pretty expensive sometimes. This adventure into dieting, budgeting, and bdsm has shown me something about our relationship I never knew. Master has a hard time telling me no, and if we're going to succeed in any of this then I'm going to have to be stronger. Master's control is borne from mine and control is what we will need to succeed.
Now, that we have established that, back to finding a way to please Master and out his needs before my own. I want Master to be happy. Having said that, I'm not stupid. I know I can't make him happy all the time everyday but none the less there are things I can do to not make him less happy. I knew of something that I could do that made him happy. For example, I know he likes it when I wear my hair down and looking nice. I know he likes a clean house. But that's about it. Without a deadline and clear guidelines as to what he wanted I would flounder between chores for hours all while watching t.v. and eventually get nothing done. Finally I decided to do the SMART thing I should have done all along. I asked him. More specifically I asked him if he would mind giving me something to do. And he agreed. Everyday he will give me one task that I need to get done sometime before we go to sleep. Today was 'wash the dishes'. He literally left to pick up pizza and by the time he got back, they were done. It was the fastest I had moved my ass all week and apparently just what I needed. Now, the hardest part will be making sure neither of us forget to assign me a task. :)